my retarded neighbor and the welfare office...

i'm gonna write about yesterday and today... LOL... i laugh because it involves macoy... i'm not sure if i've blogged about him before... but anyways... he's my neighbor's nephew... lives next door too... 26 years old, and has amount to nothing... fail...

yesterday, coyo and I went to the freaken welfare office... fuck... the welfare office... no i'm not on welfare... i had to do a lot of paper work for my kids there... their names don't match their social security cards and there, so i couldn't get medical insurance... some bullshit like that... so we get there at 9am... it opens at 8... i got seen, then sat back down... two hours after i sat down these fools start texting me in the group text about a raiders game... jose doesn't want to go this time since it's his girls birthday... he went last year, that was fucked up... LOL... so he's like, nah, i'm gonna stay... so macoy was like... i thought her birthday was earlier that month... OMG, who the fuck is going to know more... her fucken boyfriend, or the lame fuck that lives next door... so that kind of got me on edge... he always says stupid shit like that... he assumes and just pisses everyone off... but i didn't say anything...

so then i say, i'll go... last year jose and I shared a room... so macoy says, "so you gonna get your own room pato?" and i was like... yes... i don't care, i'm not gonna sleep in a room packed full of men and i want to sleep on a bed, not the floor... so then he's like... why...? oh my fucken god... i just told you idiot... so then i text... "it's like talking to andre" meaning my 6 year old son... then he says... why don't you just neglect me the way you neglect him... oh fuck................... yeah, he totally said that... i don't neglect my kids... that shit got me heated... i've been in a place with nothing but low life retards for hours now, and he decides to text me that bullshit... so then i put... "you should know right...? like your dad..." his dad was a total asshole, and left his family... lol... so then he put, "abandonment is different than neglect" then i put... "don't ever talk about my parenting you mental midget... you don't know what the fuck i do... everyone else sees my struggle and shit i do... obviously you don't because you're too busy living the good life on your hard working uncle's couch... you clueless fuck..."

i'm serious... all this guy does is mooch off his uncle... fucker lives there for free, and doesn't even think about picking up the broom or anything... shit... eats all of agui's food, and uses all of their laundry soap... anyways... then he says... "all you do? oh you mean yell at them?"...; hell yeah i yell at them... they're kids... they fuck shit up... if i don't yell, they'll cut their arms off... LOL... so i put...  "you officially made it to the dumbest people i know list... you're right next to roger... because you're agui's roger..." LOL... that cracks me up... roger is like the lowest of the low lives... he knows that too... comparing him to roger must've really hurt his feelings... because then he stop texting stupid shit, and he put "truth hurts"... it doesn't hurt me at all... it just pisses me off that this guy is supposed to be a homie, yet, he always shoves his fat foot in his mouth, and we're supposed to act like it's cool..? fuck this... .then i put... "macoy, if you don't shut  your useless mouth, i'm gonna punch it shut... this is a warning... i will have no remorse if i do it in front of your family..." "you never talk about that shit retard... i never made fun of your retarded eyes, useless upbringing, your dad or about you being a leech... if getting your teeth punched out helps you get a clue, i'd gladly do it..."

then i waited a while and he didn't reply... so i put "TAN TAN!..." lol... that's the end of all mexican songs... tan tan... my dad used to say that after he would give us a lecture or talk shit to us to be a clown... but we never laughed and nether did he... he was crazy like that... so anyways... he put... "tan tan-if you think you can" LOL... then i said, "fuck off and die fat and alone..." then he replied "same to you" LOL... i laugh... like if i'm scared of him... i've fought with way bigger fools than him... he might have 80 pounds on me and about 10 inches taller... i'll still kick his face in... and he knows that... my phone died at the welfare office... the fucken welfare office... fuck... anyways... my phone dies... i sent coyo to go to my phone and charge it for a while... i had to call someone to pick up my kids... i was stuck there... so we got our neighbor christy... i was sweating it big time... fuck, i felt like just jamming to go pick them up myself, but i had to be there...

hours passed, i got a text from macoy... a direct text from this bitch... he put... "i want to apologize for my rudeness. i overreacted and spoke with anger. i should've kept my opinions to myself, with that said i apologize again. please watch what you say next time and i wil do the same. no matter who started it lets keep the peace" so i responded the manliest way i could think of... "FUCK YOU!..." he replies with "your loss"... LOL... really...? what the fuck am i gonna lose...? seriously... at that time, i had already talked to jose over the phone and javier... i told them that i was going to punch this retard in the face... i'm tired of his ridiculous attitude... maybe it will help him out... snap him into reality... i was even picturing how i was going to punch him... coyo even noticed that i was thinking about it, because i was frowning in anger... LOL... i would talk like normal, turn around and my forehead would wrinkle up all mad... HAHAHA... i couldn't control it... it was hilarious...

so then i took a screen shot of the apology and me cussing him out and send it to the rest of the guys for a laugh... then jose kept telling him to apologize to jose and javier... i don't know why... LOL.... it was funny... macoy says to them... "i already apologized to gumbii, if he's all mad still, that's his problem" fuck... so i had to write something about that... because one, i'm not mad, i'm HEATED UP!!!... i even announced it on twitter saying that i was going to punch him in the chin... okay, so hours passed and i finally got home at 4.30... fuck... from 9am to 4.30 in the afternoon... AT THE FUCKEN WELFARE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!... jeez... i get home, and i look at my phone... all kinds of stuff was being said, but i just glanced through it... macoy is usually outside at that time, but he was inside his house hiding... what a fag...

so then i texted the group this... "i never apologize... i mean everything i say, even when i'm kidding... i have no regrets for anything i say or do... i am a man of his word, so i never have to take anything back... an apology is nothing but an admittance of weakness... i am an adult... i think before i say anything... i take consideration for others feelings, and i expect other adults to do the same thing.. if needed to i will defend myself, no matter what form of communication, be it text, online, phone call or face to face i will defend myself... i just spent 7 and a half hours in an office full of fuck ups just to fix matthew's paperwork, and i have to go again tuesday... if i wasn't so spent, i would've called out the kid... that's another thing... i'm done with macoy... every other text from him is just garbage that gets me mad... he's a huge waste for me... i'm done thinking him as a little kid and will now on treat him like an adult... even though we all know the truth... he obviously knows nothing about a real family and said what he said..." that was one text... fuck, the biggest text i've ever sent...

here's the other text... "i got rid of roger, then tony, i can do the same for him... his ignorance knows no bounds... at some point it has to be his fault, so i'm not blaming his parents anymore... i taught pietro how to roll over in one day, but i can't make this guy grab a fucken clue... just like jose and agui, i'm giving up on him..." and that's that... he hasn't text anyone after them two text messages... i think i got my point across... maybe he learned his lesson...? i really doubt it, but we'll see... fuck... i don't know why i said what i said, but i think it was because i was at THE WELFARE OFFICE!!!!... fuck... i'm still pissed that i have to go back tuesday... jeez... oh well... shit i have to go through for my kids right... sigh... well life goes on... everyday is a battle...

on a lighter side... i met someone... i really like this guy... so my day yesterday was fucked up, but the evening wasn't... it was quite nice... then today i went ot court for that traffic thing, and the judge dismissed my case... fucken awesome... i was also the first case of the day... i ran out of the court house and made it to ariana's (my daughter's) graduation thingy... i thought i was going to miss it.... and i'm glad i didn't... i think today's gonna be a good day... gotta go tend to my garden... thanks for reading...

i need pills...

yeah, i said i was gonna post like twice a week at least... but i got busy... sue me... there were some amazing video game tournaments on twitch tv that i just had to watch... LOL... today i'm gonna be discussing my recent hobbies and happiness... so take a seat...

i have been talking to a therapist... not like, by appointments, but like a friend... he's helping me out until i find a real good therapist i can go and fix my brain in... he tells me that i'm depressed... LOL... i figured... feels like my kids are growing up, and i can't keep up... that's what's really fucking me up right now... but i need to get over it... this past week has been me trying to get over my "rut" and find a center where i can be a peace... right now i don't care about happiness... i get enough of that with my kids... :)

i know i sound angry... a lot of people always tell me that when they read my blog and send me hate mail... btw, i love the hate mail... LOL... makes me love blogging more... it feels weird thinking that i'm writing all of this crap up and no one is reading it... but you do read it, and give me your feedback... that's bomb... love it... makes me feel like it is alive and a working organism... i feed it letters, it gives me back hate mail... HAHAHA... anyways... i'm not angry... i don't have anger inside... i just love to argue and get my point across... plus, when i have a point that doesn't sound angry, it's just boring... why would i even blog about that...? like if i'm going to write about the awesome shoes i got in the mall the other day... who wants to read that garbage..? meow......

anyways... shrink says that i try to get happy by spending money... well, most of the depressed americans do that... that's why you see so many emo's in the malls and shit... i do it too... but i skip the makeup and razor blade scars... i think that's why i was on a comic book rampage... the trips to frank and son's made me happy... until i got home... then it was this huge depressing hole called my living room... my sister was slowly deteriorating, i was missing one kid, going to court once a month, getting visits by social workers, parenting classes, all of that was just fucking me up... then my sister's death... fuck... after she passed, i calmed down on the buying stuff... well, except for comics because they are bad ass... but on other stuff... i need to find happiness in what's real, and skip the euphoric moments like buying stupid shit...

this weekend i took a step further on my other hobby... yeah, that's right... bmx bikes... LOL... i went to what might have been the biggest BMX bike show/gathering/bbq in the world... and it was pretty WACK... HAHAHAHfjsal;kdjfkal;jfd;... it was cool seeing some rare ass bikes... just pissed me off that there were so many i wanted, and that i will never have or afford to build... HAHAHA... but, i picked up my dream bike without even knowing it... well, it's not a bike yet... i picked up a 1981 team mongoose motomag frame... just the frame... and i know it's old... it's 11 months older than me... LOL... fucken bike is 32 years old... it was made in january 1981... but it's in super good shape... anyways... that did make me happy... when i look at it, i crack a smile... yeah, that's how much i like it... even thought right now it's sitting inside a 5 gallon bucket in the living room corner... LOL... but the challenge, time and effort is what i can't wait for... right now i'm looking for a fork for it... once found, the build really starts...

okay... i know that was boring, but shit, i'm really happy about that bike build... another thing that i did was buy a huge piece of wood so i can make shit out of it... this is crucial for me right now... i'm going to make some shelves for the living room... well, one is going to be a bike rack... LOL... but the other a shelf where i can put my sister's ashes, pictures and other stuff like my dog buddha's leather studded collar... this is my motivation to get up, clean, paint and fix up my living room... maybe then i'll get out of this rut that i have going on right now... everything reminds me of my sister, or sad/dark time... even my couches... i hate everything... i need everything new again... just that money is cock blocking... i'm waiting on my taxes still... of course, i have plans for my taxes if i ever get it... LOL... first thing is a glock g22... yeah, i need a gun... then it's all going for my living room and kids rooms... i got my boys their bed and dresser, but they still need new paint and other furniture... maybe not paint... it's too late for that... i can't pull out that gigantic bed now... i'm assed out...

anyways... yesterday was bomb... i got to use my hands and build something epic... i busted out with my pro skillsaw with a fresh new blade, jigsaw with a fresh new blade, drill, and my staining brushes... i haven't built anything since i made all of my chicken coops... the gigantic wind chimes don't count since i didn't cut wood... it was just pipes and chains... i had a ton of fun and it was cool making it while my kids ran around in the front yard... now i know why my dad would always be in the back yard building shit... my dad was my age when i was born... fuck... but working with my hands and seeing the outcome made my happy... as long as i don't sit down in front of the laptop, or tv... i'm going to be alright... i hope...

fuck, i have so much shit to do... i just don't want to do it... i've been blaming it on the weather for months, but it's the storms inside my head that are keeping me from moving forward... OMG i'm gonna tweet that... there... well, i guess i should start throwing away shit and moving all of my junk to the room in the back... just for a while... until i'm done with my living room then the bikes, comic book boxes, books, guitars and other crap come back... this is a man's house anyways... right...? LOL...

good night people... i might blog tonight if i get bored... let you know what's up...