the worst thursday of my life... or maybe just a close call...

this happened too me thursday... fucken nuts...

i got an email about 9am and that woke me up... i looked at my phone and it said that the president of our local reef aquarium club daughter passed away this morning... i got out of bed and ran to the computer... fuck... she was like four months old or something... so there are a couple of threads on RC and shit... so all morning, that's all we talked about... on the forums, on the cell, text, aim everything... shit... it was horrible news and it spread like wildfire...

so anyways... since i think saturday, my right testicle started hurting... it hurt like i sat on it or hit it somehow... fuck... so whatever... monday it went away and i drove to palmdale to help a friend pick up an engine for his 61... the day after, fuck... my testicle hurt, but the pain went all the way up to my belt area... it fucken hurt pretty bad... so i talked to a couple of friends and one dude that lifts weights said it was a hernia, and it will go away eventually... so i relaxed a bit... i thought it was testicular torsion at first... FUCK!...

so today, i woke up feeling all right down there... but after i took my dump before my shower... FUCKEN AY!... man... it was horrible... also... this is kind of embarrassing and weird... but after i finished pissing, it felt like i just finished busting a nut... and it felt like i was actually nutting still... i looked down, and semen was coming out of my junk... WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!...

so that shit scared me... i jumped in the shower, and i could hardly move... it hurt so damn bad... when i got out of the shower, i sat on the toilet, and couldn't get dressed... jose texted me to see how i was feeling, and i almost told him to come help me put my boxers on... yeah, that bad... fucken ay... so after i got dressed, i took another pain pill and nothing, the pain was still there... so then i asked a couple of people, and decided to go to the emergency room...

jose took me... we get there, and i'm like... you could jam if you want... but he stuck around for a while... i filled out some paper work, and asked me a ton of questions... took my stats and stuff... then i sat back down... i got called again to finish filling out the paper work since i'm not insured and crap... then i went back to the waiting room with jose and had lizard/reef chat for another long while... then i went to get an ultrasound on my balls and stuffs...

the guy was like... strip down, lay on the bed and cover yourself with this towel... i was like... okay... i didn't know he was on his way out, i just got naked all fast... LOL... so i got on the table and he handed me a towel... told me to grab my penis with the towel and hold it up towards my belly... he puts the cold jelly all over and begins... fuck... it kind of hurt... i was trying to talk to him, but he was trying to ignore me... I asked him how everything looked, but he said that he doesn’t read the pictures he just takes them… i even asked him if he could tell me the sex of the baby, and he didn't find it funny at all... jack ass...

so i suit up and head back out to the waiting room... i got there and looked for jose, but he had left... he called me because my phone didn't work once i went to through the waiting room doors... he told me he left because he doesn't have a window on the driver's side and doesn't trust the area... i said cool, and thanks for taking me... this guy is my best friend... i'm not gonna lie... i felt like crying when i told him thanks... my own sister didn't want to go with me or even take me...

he told me that they had called my name to go in to see the doctor... i go into the other room where all the nurses are... and i had a seat... while i was sitting there, they lost one young guy, and they brought in an old man that was all fucked up... man... i was there by myself, and there was so much pain and suffering around me... i got scared... i felt alone... i never felt like that before in my life... i broke down... all kinds of thoughts were going thru my head… man i felt like crying… then i went into the room, changed into one of those robe thingies, and sat in the room... the nurse came in and asked me more questions... left and said that the doctor would come in right away...

a little while later, the EMT dudes bring in this senior dude... i guess he was getting dialysis and tore out the IV on his arm and was bleeding like crazy... he kept saying that he couldn't see out of one eye... the nurse said that he had alzheimer's, some schizo, dementia, and just old... fuck.. i sat there and wondered if i was going to be the same when i get older... my dad has some schizo in him, and my memory already sucks... my diabetes is under control right now, but anything could happen... i was there with him by myself... that sucked... he was trying to cover himself with his jacket, so i gave him my blanket... i just sat there all cold and full of fear...

the doctor finally came in about 30 minutes after the nurse left... i told him everything, and he started to fondle me up... lol... i made a joke about it, and he blushed... i said that my boyfriend was going to get mad if he left some lipstick there... HAHAHA... so he poked my stomach and other parts, and i told him it freaken hurts... he asked me how i would rate my pain, and i told him 9.5... he was like... how can it be that bad and you have a smile... i was like... look at me... i have a huge tolerance for pain... i rather sit here and smile under the all the sweat than scream like a retard... LOL... he left and i was introduced to new nurse since they switched shifts... after she left, i was alone for another 20 minutes...

i layed back in the cold and tried to fall asleep... all i could think of was death... i can hear someone flatlining and them pounding them back to life... the springs in the mattress are loud... fuck... so much death and pain... it sucks... i felt alone again... then i heard a knock and i erika knocking on the window outside my room... she came to visit... she started making jokes and stuff, but i was just happy to see her... the doctor came back in and then told me that they found nothing wrong with the ultrasound or urine test... that maybe it's just a kidney stone moving along, or i pulled/strained a muscle somehow... WTF...?

he sent erika out, and i said... how could this be that... i fucken peed out sperm today... check me some more... so he gave me a different hernia test, and still said that he didn't feel it... so i made him feel what i feel, and i was like... don't you feel that...? then i realized i'm holding my robe up and telling this doctor to feel all kinds of places on my junk and i might look insane... but dude... it just didn't make sense... then he told me that when he was younger, he would get testicle pains just like mine... they never found out what it was, or why... but they just stopped after a couple of years... fuck... like if that was supposed to make me feel better...

he told me to get dressed and said he'll prescribe me some antibiotics and pain killers... just in case i get more pains or if it's an infection they haven't identified... what a waste of day... i got dressed and i turned my phone back on... i text all my friends that knew i was in emergency that i had testicular cancer and it traveled to my intestines, so the doctor gave me 6 months to live... lol... they knew i was fucking around... none of them believed me... hahaha... so my friend's sister took me home... fuck... what an experience...

on the ride home i was still in pain... i also felt cheated for some reason... i didn't get an answer... i never go to the doctors unless i can't stand the pain... and usually they tell me exactly what it is... but not this time... i guess i prepared myself for the worst... i had accepted the fact that i might have tumors or testicular cancer... i was like... if they cut one off, oh well... i'll live... or if i had a hernia, i would have to hire someone to do waterchanges on my reef tank for half a year... but now i'm just sitting here in pain with no clue what it is... i personally think the cause is some diet pills i've been taking... jose has been giving them to me... the first set of pills i remember pains every time i would ejaculate... a couple of times it came out all watery and it was the first nut... after i ran out of pills, i went back to normal... now that i'm almost done with a new bottle, it started up again... so i'm going to stop taking them ASAP!...

so now i'm here... i have been talking to a couple of my friends, and telling them everything... fuck... i freaken peed out sperm... that was the weirdest thing i have ever felt or been through... fuck... i'm tired... when i got home, i was kind of sad that my sister was just here watching the dodger game, while i was scared as fuck in an emergency room... jose and erika did more for me than my own family... fuck... i love my friends... they are my brother and sister… don't know what i'd do without them...

i got to go... if you read all that thanks for reading... i'm going to go feed my animals and probably try to sleep in my room... my life sucks so bad right now... all kinds of shit is just building up... i thought last year was going to be the worst and this one would be better but damn... i can't believe how fucked up my life gets sometimes... i feel like a failure...