if you guys read my blog (i know most of you just skim through it for the drama) you know that i don't usually talk about current events... but since NOTHING has been going on, i'm going to go ahead and take my anger out on the whole zimmerman event...
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first a quick disclaimer... bro... i'm not a racist... i do not hate races... but i do hate what the ignorant people do... i don't care fo you're white, mexican (like me), black, laotian... whatever... if you have an ignorant or stupid side to it, it's going to bother me and the rest of the world...
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k... so i can't watch anything on local television without hearing someone complain about the zimmerman verdict... if you don't know what it is google it... it's about some guy in florida that shot and killed a 17 year old kid... i don't know what zimmerman is... i think he's greek or something... and the kid was black... i'm not going into more detail... google that shit... anyways... it's been over a year and this weekend he was found not guilty by a jury of his peers... as soon as they announced it, all hell broke loose here in LA... IN LOS ANGELES!!!... WTF is wrong with people... not like they knew the kid... fuck... shit pisses me off... first i started to see all kinds of angry tweets on twitter... most from people i know... LOL... that's when it really started to bug me...
okay... maybe i'm fucked up... but if someone dies that i don't know at all dies... i don't care... and i'll say it many times... unless it's some fucked up shit like a person killing a baby... but seriously... people die all the time... i'm gonna die one day... my kids are gonna die some day... fuck... i don't cry when dogs cry, and they say that something is wrong with me... how the hell am i messed up in the head because i don't cry when an animal dies... HAHAHAHA... i will eat the family pet if i have to... when did people get the disability to love animals that don't love them back..???? anyways... some kid gets killed... i don't care... my favorite movie star dies... i don't care... my neighbor i have never talked to dies... i don't care... airplane crashes in my back yard... mother fuckers better replace them tries they flattened out...
so people are protesting in los angeles... you know why that pisses me off... not because of the rioting and looting... but because they didn't the kid... they've never been to florida... all they know is that some black kid got killed by a white guy... that's all they know... if you were to see or READ the case, you would see that race had absolutely nothing to do with it... the OJ simpson trail was like 90 percent race... LOL... that was retarded racist... but no one protested that murderer when he was acquitted... the black community didn't know what to do... LOL... they knew that fou was guilty... they just kept their mouths shut... the white people knew what really happened... but that was the ruling, and there was nothing they could do about it... they know that a protest or rioting was going to bring them nothing... NOTHING!!!... protesting, rioting and violence gives you NOTHING!!!... maybe court dates... but other than that, you can not make a difference in protesting...
you wanna know why they let you have peaceful protest..? because it makes the ignorant people happy... do you think college professors or anyone with a master's degree is out there protesting and wasting their time with the people that complain..? fuck no... they know the truth... do you think i'll ever be out there protesting when some mexican border hopper gets killed by the INS... hells no... that idiot should've stayed in mexico... that's the truth... you people want to make a difference out there... donate money or time to charity... whenever the cash register asks me to donate money for something i do it... why not..? i'm spending 200 dollars in groceries, 5 bucks to feed someone i don't know doesn't hurt... shit... i donated 5 bucks last friday when i went to petsmart to buy my dog a new tooth brush and tooth paste... that 5 bucks might buy a dog a warm blanket at an animal shelter somewhere... i don't know where the money goes, and i don't care... all i know is that it helps someone or something... not saying that i'm some sort of hero... LOL... but it beats going on and stealing a flat screen tv...
the family just released a statement telling people to stop making violence in his honor and his family's name... fuck... that's fucked up... isn't that fucked up...? my kid dies in a confrontation, the killer gets acquitted, and now retards are rioting with my dead son as an excuse... that's disgusting... you people are disgusting... there's a reason the rioters and protesters are out there... they are poor and drug abusers... did the protest and violence occur in beverly hills..? nope... in the city of orange..? it happened in crenshaw... thousands of miles away from florida... hahaha... the united states is so weak... driven by fuck ups... but controlled by monsters... why couldn't we be like france..? if people protest, the police comes and fucks everyone up... if you film it, you go to jail and that shit's destroyed... the news doesn't talk about it... no one knows it happens... the rest of the country is happy... but right here, the news makes a cruise ship out of a paper boat...
well, i need to go take a shower because i stink... lol... i just want to say that if zimmerman was found not guilty, he isn't guilty.. get over it and go spread piece and love... don't let it get you angry and spread ignorance and violence...
another thing... i want to congratulate flocker in winning UMvC3 this weekend at EVO2013... although the highlight of that night was when justin wong eliminated chrisG... comes to show that chrisG is not unbeatable... he didn't even make it to top 8... i'm still super excited over evo... LOL... it's like the super bowl for us fighting game nerds...
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
my retarded neighbor and the welfare office...
i'm gonna write about yesterday and today... LOL... i laugh because it involves macoy... i'm not sure if i've blogged about him before... but anyways... he's my neighbor's nephew... lives next door too... 26 years old, and has amount to nothing... fail...
yesterday, coyo and I went to the freaken welfare office... fuck... the welfare office... no i'm not on welfare... i had to do a lot of paper work for my kids there... their names don't match their social security cards and there, so i couldn't get medical insurance... some bullshit like that... so we get there at 9am... it opens at 8... i got seen, then sat back down... two hours after i sat down these fools start texting me in the group text about a raiders game... jose doesn't want to go this time since it's his girls birthday... he went last year, that was fucked up... LOL... so he's like, nah, i'm gonna stay... so macoy was like... i thought her birthday was earlier that month... OMG, who the fuck is going to know more... her fucken boyfriend, or the lame fuck that lives next door... so that kind of got me on edge... he always says stupid shit like that... he assumes and just pisses everyone off... but i didn't say anything...
so then i say, i'll go... last year jose and I shared a room... so macoy says, "so you gonna get your own room pato?" and i was like... yes... i don't care, i'm not gonna sleep in a room packed full of men and i want to sleep on a bed, not the floor... so then he's like... why...? oh my fucken god... i just told you idiot... so then i text... "it's like talking to andre" meaning my 6 year old son... then he says... why don't you just neglect me the way you neglect him... oh fuck................... yeah, he totally said that... i don't neglect my kids... that shit got me heated... i've been in a place with nothing but low life retards for hours now, and he decides to text me that bullshit... so then i put... "you should know right...? like your dad..." his dad was a total asshole, and left his family... lol... so then he put, "abandonment is different than neglect" then i put... "don't ever talk about my parenting you mental midget... you don't know what the fuck i do... everyone else sees my struggle and shit i do... obviously you don't because you're too busy living the good life on your hard working uncle's couch... you clueless fuck..."
i'm serious... all this guy does is mooch off his uncle... fucker lives there for free, and doesn't even think about picking up the broom or anything... shit... eats all of agui's food, and uses all of their laundry soap... anyways... then he says... "all you do? oh you mean yell at them?"...; hell yeah i yell at them... they're kids... they fuck shit up... if i don't yell, they'll cut their arms off... LOL... so i put... "you officially made it to the dumbest people i know list... you're right next to roger... because you're agui's roger..." LOL... that cracks me up... roger is like the lowest of the low lives... he knows that too... comparing him to roger must've really hurt his feelings... because then he stop texting stupid shit, and he put "truth hurts"... it doesn't hurt me at all... it just pisses me off that this guy is supposed to be a homie, yet, he always shoves his fat foot in his mouth, and we're supposed to act like it's cool..? fuck this... .then i put... "macoy, if you don't shut your useless mouth, i'm gonna punch it shut... this is a warning... i will have no remorse if i do it in front of your family..." "you never talk about that shit retard... i never made fun of your retarded eyes, useless upbringing, your dad or about you being a leech... if getting your teeth punched out helps you get a clue, i'd gladly do it..."
then i waited a while and he didn't reply... so i put "TAN TAN!..." lol... that's the end of all mexican songs... tan tan... my dad used to say that after he would give us a lecture or talk shit to us to be a clown... but we never laughed and nether did he... he was crazy like that... so anyways... he put... "tan tan-if you think you can" LOL... then i said, "fuck off and die fat and alone..." then he replied "same to you" LOL... i laugh... like if i'm scared of him... i've fought with way bigger fools than him... he might have 80 pounds on me and about 10 inches taller... i'll still kick his face in... and he knows that... my phone died at the welfare office... the fucken welfare office... fuck... anyways... my phone dies... i sent coyo to go to my phone and charge it for a while... i had to call someone to pick up my kids... i was stuck there... so we got our neighbor christy... i was sweating it big time... fuck, i felt like just jamming to go pick them up myself, but i had to be there...
hours passed, i got a text from macoy... a direct text from this bitch... he put... "i want to apologize for my rudeness. i overreacted and spoke with anger. i should've kept my opinions to myself, with that said i apologize again. please watch what you say next time and i wil do the same. no matter who started it lets keep the peace" so i responded the manliest way i could think of... "FUCK YOU!..." he replies with "your loss"... LOL... really...? what the fuck am i gonna lose...? seriously... at that time, i had already talked to jose over the phone and javier... i told them that i was going to punch this retard in the face... i'm tired of his ridiculous attitude... maybe it will help him out... snap him into reality... i was even picturing how i was going to punch him... coyo even noticed that i was thinking about it, because i was frowning in anger... LOL... i would talk like normal, turn around and my forehead would wrinkle up all mad... HAHAHA... i couldn't control it... it was hilarious...
so then i took a screen shot of the apology and me cussing him out and send it to the rest of the guys for a laugh... then jose kept telling him to apologize to jose and javier... i don't know why... LOL.... it was funny... macoy says to them... "i already apologized to gumbii, if he's all mad still, that's his problem" fuck... so i had to write something about that... because one, i'm not mad, i'm HEATED UP!!!... i even announced it on twitter saying that i was going to punch him in the chin... okay, so hours passed and i finally got home at 4.30... fuck... from 9am to 4.30 in the afternoon... AT THE FUCKEN WELFARE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!... jeez... i get home, and i look at my phone... all kinds of stuff was being said, but i just glanced through it... macoy is usually outside at that time, but he was inside his house hiding... what a fag...
so then i texted the group this... "i never apologize... i mean everything i say, even when i'm kidding... i have no regrets for anything i say or do... i am a man of his word, so i never have to take anything back... an apology is nothing but an admittance of weakness... i am an adult... i think before i say anything... i take consideration for others feelings, and i expect other adults to do the same thing.. if needed to i will defend myself, no matter what form of communication, be it text, online, phone call or face to face i will defend myself... i just spent 7 and a half hours in an office full of fuck ups just to fix matthew's paperwork, and i have to go again tuesday... if i wasn't so spent, i would've called out the kid... that's another thing... i'm done with macoy... every other text from him is just garbage that gets me mad... he's a huge waste for me... i'm done thinking him as a little kid and will now on treat him like an adult... even though we all know the truth... he obviously knows nothing about a real family and said what he said..." that was one text... fuck, the biggest text i've ever sent...
here's the other text... "i got rid of roger, then tony, i can do the same for him... his ignorance knows no bounds... at some point it has to be his fault, so i'm not blaming his parents anymore... i taught pietro how to roll over in one day, but i can't make this guy grab a fucken clue... just like jose and agui, i'm giving up on him..." and that's that... he hasn't text anyone after them two text messages... i think i got my point across... maybe he learned his lesson...? i really doubt it, but we'll see... fuck... i don't know why i said what i said, but i think it was because i was at THE WELFARE OFFICE!!!!... fuck... i'm still pissed that i have to go back tuesday... jeez... oh well... shit i have to go through for my kids right... sigh... well life goes on... everyday is a battle...
on a lighter side... i met someone... i really like this guy... so my day yesterday was fucked up, but the evening wasn't... it was quite nice... then today i went ot court for that traffic thing, and the judge dismissed my case... fucken awesome... i was also the first case of the day... i ran out of the court house and made it to ariana's (my daughter's) graduation thingy... i thought i was going to miss it.... and i'm glad i didn't... i think today's gonna be a good day... gotta go tend to my garden... thanks for reading...
yesterday, coyo and I went to the freaken welfare office... fuck... the welfare office... no i'm not on welfare... i had to do a lot of paper work for my kids there... their names don't match their social security cards and there, so i couldn't get medical insurance... some bullshit like that... so we get there at 9am... it opens at 8... i got seen, then sat back down... two hours after i sat down these fools start texting me in the group text about a raiders game... jose doesn't want to go this time since it's his girls birthday... he went last year, that was fucked up... LOL... so he's like, nah, i'm gonna stay... so macoy was like... i thought her birthday was earlier that month... OMG, who the fuck is going to know more... her fucken boyfriend, or the lame fuck that lives next door... so that kind of got me on edge... he always says stupid shit like that... he assumes and just pisses everyone off... but i didn't say anything...
so then i say, i'll go... last year jose and I shared a room... so macoy says, "so you gonna get your own room pato?" and i was like... yes... i don't care, i'm not gonna sleep in a room packed full of men and i want to sleep on a bed, not the floor... so then he's like... why...? oh my fucken god... i just told you idiot... so then i text... "it's like talking to andre" meaning my 6 year old son... then he says... why don't you just neglect me the way you neglect him... oh fuck................... yeah, he totally said that... i don't neglect my kids... that shit got me heated... i've been in a place with nothing but low life retards for hours now, and he decides to text me that bullshit... so then i put... "you should know right...? like your dad..." his dad was a total asshole, and left his family... lol... so then he put, "abandonment is different than neglect" then i put... "don't ever talk about my parenting you mental midget... you don't know what the fuck i do... everyone else sees my struggle and shit i do... obviously you don't because you're too busy living the good life on your hard working uncle's couch... you clueless fuck..."
i'm serious... all this guy does is mooch off his uncle... fucker lives there for free, and doesn't even think about picking up the broom or anything... shit... eats all of agui's food, and uses all of their laundry soap... anyways... then he says... "all you do? oh you mean yell at them?"...; hell yeah i yell at them... they're kids... they fuck shit up... if i don't yell, they'll cut their arms off... LOL... so i put... "you officially made it to the dumbest people i know list... you're right next to roger... because you're agui's roger..." LOL... that cracks me up... roger is like the lowest of the low lives... he knows that too... comparing him to roger must've really hurt his feelings... because then he stop texting stupid shit, and he put "truth hurts"... it doesn't hurt me at all... it just pisses me off that this guy is supposed to be a homie, yet, he always shoves his fat foot in his mouth, and we're supposed to act like it's cool..? fuck this... .then i put... "macoy, if you don't shut your useless mouth, i'm gonna punch it shut... this is a warning... i will have no remorse if i do it in front of your family..." "you never talk about that shit retard... i never made fun of your retarded eyes, useless upbringing, your dad or about you being a leech... if getting your teeth punched out helps you get a clue, i'd gladly do it..."
then i waited a while and he didn't reply... so i put "TAN TAN!..." lol... that's the end of all mexican songs... tan tan... my dad used to say that after he would give us a lecture or talk shit to us to be a clown... but we never laughed and nether did he... he was crazy like that... so anyways... he put... "tan tan-if you think you can" LOL... then i said, "fuck off and die fat and alone..." then he replied "same to you" LOL... i laugh... like if i'm scared of him... i've fought with way bigger fools than him... he might have 80 pounds on me and about 10 inches taller... i'll still kick his face in... and he knows that... my phone died at the welfare office... the fucken welfare office... fuck... anyways... my phone dies... i sent coyo to go to my phone and charge it for a while... i had to call someone to pick up my kids... i was stuck there... so we got our neighbor christy... i was sweating it big time... fuck, i felt like just jamming to go pick them up myself, but i had to be there...
hours passed, i got a text from macoy... a direct text from this bitch... he put... "i want to apologize for my rudeness. i overreacted and spoke with anger. i should've kept my opinions to myself, with that said i apologize again. please watch what you say next time and i wil do the same. no matter who started it lets keep the peace" so i responded the manliest way i could think of... "FUCK YOU!..." he replies with "your loss"... LOL... really...? what the fuck am i gonna lose...? seriously... at that time, i had already talked to jose over the phone and javier... i told them that i was going to punch this retard in the face... i'm tired of his ridiculous attitude... maybe it will help him out... snap him into reality... i was even picturing how i was going to punch him... coyo even noticed that i was thinking about it, because i was frowning in anger... LOL... i would talk like normal, turn around and my forehead would wrinkle up all mad... HAHAHA... i couldn't control it... it was hilarious...
so then i took a screen shot of the apology and me cussing him out and send it to the rest of the guys for a laugh... then jose kept telling him to apologize to jose and javier... i don't know why... LOL.... it was funny... macoy says to them... "i already apologized to gumbii, if he's all mad still, that's his problem" fuck... so i had to write something about that... because one, i'm not mad, i'm HEATED UP!!!... i even announced it on twitter saying that i was going to punch him in the chin... okay, so hours passed and i finally got home at 4.30... fuck... from 9am to 4.30 in the afternoon... AT THE FUCKEN WELFARE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!... jeez... i get home, and i look at my phone... all kinds of stuff was being said, but i just glanced through it... macoy is usually outside at that time, but he was inside his house hiding... what a fag...
so then i texted the group this... "i never apologize... i mean everything i say, even when i'm kidding... i have no regrets for anything i say or do... i am a man of his word, so i never have to take anything back... an apology is nothing but an admittance of weakness... i am an adult... i think before i say anything... i take consideration for others feelings, and i expect other adults to do the same thing.. if needed to i will defend myself, no matter what form of communication, be it text, online, phone call or face to face i will defend myself... i just spent 7 and a half hours in an office full of fuck ups just to fix matthew's paperwork, and i have to go again tuesday... if i wasn't so spent, i would've called out the kid... that's another thing... i'm done with macoy... every other text from him is just garbage that gets me mad... he's a huge waste for me... i'm done thinking him as a little kid and will now on treat him like an adult... even though we all know the truth... he obviously knows nothing about a real family and said what he said..." that was one text... fuck, the biggest text i've ever sent...
here's the other text... "i got rid of roger, then tony, i can do the same for him... his ignorance knows no bounds... at some point it has to be his fault, so i'm not blaming his parents anymore... i taught pietro how to roll over in one day, but i can't make this guy grab a fucken clue... just like jose and agui, i'm giving up on him..." and that's that... he hasn't text anyone after them two text messages... i think i got my point across... maybe he learned his lesson...? i really doubt it, but we'll see... fuck... i don't know why i said what i said, but i think it was because i was at THE WELFARE OFFICE!!!!... fuck... i'm still pissed that i have to go back tuesday... jeez... oh well... shit i have to go through for my kids right... sigh... well life goes on... everyday is a battle...
on a lighter side... i met someone... i really like this guy... so my day yesterday was fucked up, but the evening wasn't... it was quite nice... then today i went ot court for that traffic thing, and the judge dismissed my case... fucken awesome... i was also the first case of the day... i ran out of the court house and made it to ariana's (my daughter's) graduation thingy... i thought i was going to miss it.... and i'm glad i didn't... i think today's gonna be a good day... gotta go tend to my garden... thanks for reading...
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
i need pills...
yeah, i said i was gonna post like twice a week at least... but i got busy... sue me... there were some amazing video game tournaments on twitch tv that i just had to watch... LOL... today i'm gonna be discussing my recent hobbies and happiness... so take a seat...
i have been talking to a therapist... not like, by appointments, but like a friend... he's helping me out until i find a real good therapist i can go and fix my brain in... he tells me that i'm depressed... LOL... i figured... feels like my kids are growing up, and i can't keep up... that's what's really fucking me up right now... but i need to get over it... this past week has been me trying to get over my "rut" and find a center where i can be a peace... right now i don't care about happiness... i get enough of that with my kids... :)
i know i sound angry... a lot of people always tell me that when they read my blog and send me hate mail... btw, i love the hate mail... LOL... makes me love blogging more... it feels weird thinking that i'm writing all of this crap up and no one is reading it... but you do read it, and give me your feedback... that's bomb... love it... makes me feel like it is alive and a working organism... i feed it letters, it gives me back hate mail... HAHAHA... anyways... i'm not angry... i don't have anger inside... i just love to argue and get my point across... plus, when i have a point that doesn't sound angry, it's just boring... why would i even blog about that...? like if i'm going to write about the awesome shoes i got in the mall the other day... who wants to read that garbage..? meow......
anyways... shrink says that i try to get happy by spending money... well, most of the depressed americans do that... that's why you see so many emo's in the malls and shit... i do it too... but i skip the makeup and razor blade scars... i think that's why i was on a comic book rampage... the trips to frank and son's made me happy... until i got home... then it was this huge depressing hole called my living room... my sister was slowly deteriorating, i was missing one kid, going to court once a month, getting visits by social workers, parenting classes, all of that was just fucking me up... then my sister's death... fuck... after she passed, i calmed down on the buying stuff... well, except for comics because they are bad ass... but on other stuff... i need to find happiness in what's real, and skip the euphoric moments like buying stupid shit...
this weekend i took a step further on my other hobby... yeah, that's right... bmx bikes... LOL... i went to what might have been the biggest BMX bike show/gathering/bbq in the world... and it was pretty WACK... HAHAHAHfjsal;kdjfkal;jfd;... it was cool seeing some rare ass bikes... just pissed me off that there were so many i wanted, and that i will never have or afford to build... HAHAHA... but, i picked up my dream bike without even knowing it... well, it's not a bike yet... i picked up a 1981 team mongoose motomag frame... just the frame... and i know it's old... it's 11 months older than me... LOL... fucken bike is 32 years old... it was made in january 1981... but it's in super good shape... anyways... that did make me happy... when i look at it, i crack a smile... yeah, that's how much i like it... even thought right now it's sitting inside a 5 gallon bucket in the living room corner... LOL... but the challenge, time and effort is what i can't wait for... right now i'm looking for a fork for it... once found, the build really starts...
okay... i know that was boring, but shit, i'm really happy about that bike build... another thing that i did was buy a huge piece of wood so i can make shit out of it... this is crucial for me right now... i'm going to make some shelves for the living room... well, one is going to be a bike rack... LOL... but the other a shelf where i can put my sister's ashes, pictures and other stuff like my dog buddha's leather studded collar... this is my motivation to get up, clean, paint and fix up my living room... maybe then i'll get out of this rut that i have going on right now... everything reminds me of my sister, or sad/dark time... even my couches... i hate everything... i need everything new again... just that money is cock blocking... i'm waiting on my taxes still... of course, i have plans for my taxes if i ever get it... LOL... first thing is a glock g22... yeah, i need a gun... then it's all going for my living room and kids rooms... i got my boys their bed and dresser, but they still need new paint and other furniture... maybe not paint... it's too late for that... i can't pull out that gigantic bed now... i'm assed out...
anyways... yesterday was bomb... i got to use my hands and build something epic... i busted out with my pro skillsaw with a fresh new blade, jigsaw with a fresh new blade, drill, and my staining brushes... i haven't built anything since i made all of my chicken coops... the gigantic wind chimes don't count since i didn't cut wood... it was just pipes and chains... i had a ton of fun and it was cool making it while my kids ran around in the front yard... now i know why my dad would always be in the back yard building shit... my dad was my age when i was born... fuck... but working with my hands and seeing the outcome made my happy... as long as i don't sit down in front of the laptop, or tv... i'm going to be alright... i hope...
fuck, i have so much shit to do... i just don't want to do it... i've been blaming it on the weather for months, but it's the storms inside my head that are keeping me from moving forward... OMG i'm gonna tweet that... there... well, i guess i should start throwing away shit and moving all of my junk to the room in the back... just for a while... until i'm done with my living room then the bikes, comic book boxes, books, guitars and other crap come back... this is a man's house anyways... right...? LOL...
good night people... i might blog tonight if i get bored... let you know what's up...
i have been talking to a therapist... not like, by appointments, but like a friend... he's helping me out until i find a real good therapist i can go and fix my brain in... he tells me that i'm depressed... LOL... i figured... feels like my kids are growing up, and i can't keep up... that's what's really fucking me up right now... but i need to get over it... this past week has been me trying to get over my "rut" and find a center where i can be a peace... right now i don't care about happiness... i get enough of that with my kids... :)
i know i sound angry... a lot of people always tell me that when they read my blog and send me hate mail... btw, i love the hate mail... LOL... makes me love blogging more... it feels weird thinking that i'm writing all of this crap up and no one is reading it... but you do read it, and give me your feedback... that's bomb... love it... makes me feel like it is alive and a working organism... i feed it letters, it gives me back hate mail... HAHAHA... anyways... i'm not angry... i don't have anger inside... i just love to argue and get my point across... plus, when i have a point that doesn't sound angry, it's just boring... why would i even blog about that...? like if i'm going to write about the awesome shoes i got in the mall the other day... who wants to read that garbage..? meow......
anyways... shrink says that i try to get happy by spending money... well, most of the depressed americans do that... that's why you see so many emo's in the malls and shit... i do it too... but i skip the makeup and razor blade scars... i think that's why i was on a comic book rampage... the trips to frank and son's made me happy... until i got home... then it was this huge depressing hole called my living room... my sister was slowly deteriorating, i was missing one kid, going to court once a month, getting visits by social workers, parenting classes, all of that was just fucking me up... then my sister's death... fuck... after she passed, i calmed down on the buying stuff... well, except for comics because they are bad ass... but on other stuff... i need to find happiness in what's real, and skip the euphoric moments like buying stupid shit...
this weekend i took a step further on my other hobby... yeah, that's right... bmx bikes... LOL... i went to what might have been the biggest BMX bike show/gathering/bbq in the world... and it was pretty WACK... HAHAHAHfjsal;kdjfkal;jfd;... it was cool seeing some rare ass bikes... just pissed me off that there were so many i wanted, and that i will never have or afford to build... HAHAHA... but, i picked up my dream bike without even knowing it... well, it's not a bike yet... i picked up a 1981 team mongoose motomag frame... just the frame... and i know it's old... it's 11 months older than me... LOL... fucken bike is 32 years old... it was made in january 1981... but it's in super good shape... anyways... that did make me happy... when i look at it, i crack a smile... yeah, that's how much i like it... even thought right now it's sitting inside a 5 gallon bucket in the living room corner... LOL... but the challenge, time and effort is what i can't wait for... right now i'm looking for a fork for it... once found, the build really starts...
okay... i know that was boring, but shit, i'm really happy about that bike build... another thing that i did was buy a huge piece of wood so i can make shit out of it... this is crucial for me right now... i'm going to make some shelves for the living room... well, one is going to be a bike rack... LOL... but the other a shelf where i can put my sister's ashes, pictures and other stuff like my dog buddha's leather studded collar... this is my motivation to get up, clean, paint and fix up my living room... maybe then i'll get out of this rut that i have going on right now... everything reminds me of my sister, or sad/dark time... even my couches... i hate everything... i need everything new again... just that money is cock blocking... i'm waiting on my taxes still... of course, i have plans for my taxes if i ever get it... LOL... first thing is a glock g22... yeah, i need a gun... then it's all going for my living room and kids rooms... i got my boys their bed and dresser, but they still need new paint and other furniture... maybe not paint... it's too late for that... i can't pull out that gigantic bed now... i'm assed out...
anyways... yesterday was bomb... i got to use my hands and build something epic... i busted out with my pro skillsaw with a fresh new blade, jigsaw with a fresh new blade, drill, and my staining brushes... i haven't built anything since i made all of my chicken coops... the gigantic wind chimes don't count since i didn't cut wood... it was just pipes and chains... i had a ton of fun and it was cool making it while my kids ran around in the front yard... now i know why my dad would always be in the back yard building shit... my dad was my age when i was born... fuck... but working with my hands and seeing the outcome made my happy... as long as i don't sit down in front of the laptop, or tv... i'm going to be alright... i hope...
fuck, i have so much shit to do... i just don't want to do it... i've been blaming it on the weather for months, but it's the storms inside my head that are keeping me from moving forward... OMG i'm gonna tweet that... there... well, i guess i should start throwing away shit and moving all of my junk to the room in the back... just for a while... until i'm done with my living room then the bikes, comic book boxes, books, guitars and other crap come back... this is a man's house anyways... right...? LOL...
good night people... i might blog tonight if i get bored... let you know what's up...
Sunday, May 26, 2013
taking the garbage to the curb baby...
sunday, may 26 2013
yeah, i know it's been a long ass time... and i know that i always say that i'm going to do it again and i don't... so what... sue me... lol... it's jsut that i always have shit to do... right now i don't go to forums and well, i ain't doing anything else... LOL... okay, this time for reals...
i want to start off saying that i wish a ton of love and luck to my boy james... everyone send good vibes his way... even though you don't know him... just say to youself... "good luck james, everything is going to get better soon" thank you...
first of all... i'm going to vent this shit that i have been holding back for like ever... lol... i hate faggots... fuck... i hate being gay... this fucken sucks ass... i can't find a decent guy... i can't find a man that calls himself to be a man and that turns out to be a man... i always meet guys that are masculine, but when it comes down to it, are huge fucken bitches... fuck... why do they have to pleague my life with drama...? why..?¿ do they just need to cause drama and conflict..? that's so fucken stupid... i don't know if i want to get into the details... i probably shouldn't because there might be a faggot that goes onto my blog just to see if i talk about this other dude... fuck... what a pathetic piece of human garbage...
you wanna know what the best part is...? that both of you guys will be out of my life for now on... i don't have to hear or see any of you... you guys can have eachother, and live with your black eyes and busted up faces... that's the only way you guys are ever going to be happy... go ahead and live in chaos... i'm over it... i have my kids, and my own bull shit to stress over... and if that little bitch wants to come cause trouble with me... fuck... look... i don't get violent to hurt something... i get violent to destroy... that's the only purpose to fight... to destroy... i'm not gonna stop until you stop moving... i've done it before, and i'm not afraid to do it again... i will do whatever it takes to defend myself and my family... i will not hold back or have any remorse for what will happen to you... i already have 666 and the bapheomet seal of satan permanently on my chest... what's another sin... i'm going to hell anyways...
another thing i want to talk about... i'm on this app on my phone to find other fags... i'm looking for guys to date, but everyone here just wants to suck my dick... do they realy think i'm going to let some random ass stranger put their teeth around my dick...? fuck you... lol.. anyways... hold on, let me look at my phone... i'm gonna talk shit about some dumb fuck's messages... fuck, he pissed me off... hold on... okay i finally found it... fuck, i wish i could cut and past it here... but i can't... so let me just set it up and quote shit on here... this black guy hits me up... i'm cool talking to black guys, but i'm not doing to fool around, date or anything else with them... not racist, it just doesn't work for me... same goes for asian or namaste indian guys... i don't know what to call them... LOL... anyways... the conversation started out like this...
him... "hey cutie pie" me "yo..." him... "man your bald head really turns me on, i bet it's baby smooth and i won't be able to get my hands off of you" (omg that's so super cheezy... what fag is going to fall for that shit..???? me "i have a ton of hair right now... and thx i guess... " him "no problem, how you doing today?" me "i'm cool, helping my kids with their homework..." (i always throw my kids in the conversation when i'm talking to some fool i don't want to talk to anymore... LOL...) him "have you ever been with a blk man before?" oh fuck... that question... so i said... "i've never been with a black man before, they aren't really my type..." then he said... "well, i guess this conversation is over since you're racist and very prejudice, i really don't like to people who they are better then other people in different races... what ever to" and that's it... i'm gonna start another paragraph...
what the fuck..??? seriously... what the fuck did i say that made me racist and prejudice...? i said black guys aren't my type... and that's it... fuck you for calling me a racist... i'm fucken mexican... you guys have a shitload of tv shows and networks dedicated to your horrible lifestyle, and mexicans only got networks and shows that show in mexico... we don't get treated the same as you guys do in this country... i'm the minority here not you... how the fuck could i be reverse racist on your black ass...? how... fuck you're so damn stupid... so i said... "i'm not a racist or anything... it's just that i don't get turned on or anything by black or asian men... i'm a mexican that goes after white men... i hear them say it to me all the time, and it doesn't stop me from trying to be their friend... but some people just can't tolerate it..." then he throws this at me... "but arestill prejudice... so it nothing else need to says... i really don't like to talk to ignorant people like that... so this conversation is over" oh fuck... i need to start another paragraph for this one...
fuck you asshole for calling me ignorant... i gave you a legitimate explaination and reason, but obviously your stupid ass can't understand english... fuck... and he's calling me ignorant...? look at this fucken retard here... i take the word ignorant like a real insult... i am not ignorant... this is what i replied to him... "LOL... that's like you getting mad for me not being attracted to a woman... you see how stupid that sounds...? some of my straight friends like skinny chicks, other's like fat chicks... does that make them prejudice...? no... you're freken retarded... don't call me ignorant... i know english and i know how to comprehend it... you obviously don't... so fuck you and die you dumb fuck..." and i blocked him... that's right... i get the last word all the time... LOL... i'm such an asshole... but i'm not an ignorant prejudice racist gay... that's for sure... hahahaha... anyways...
don't go around getting all upset over what goes on in the internetz... it's not real... how can someone get all mad over a tiny comment that someone made on the internet... today i wrote "perhaps" on instagram, and all hell broke loose... did i mean it..? no... was i playing...? yes i was... but what happened happened... i don't care enought to fix it... i'm a man... you want to know how a man deals with bullshit...? a man does two things... he either fixes it, or if it's broken, throws it away... i'm not going to fix that drama... so i rather throw it in the garbage where it belongs... i'm done her... i'll try to blog at least every other day... if not every day... i'm talking to a lot of fags right now, so you know i'll need to vent some shit...
thank you guys for reading, i love you all...
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