so I’m sitting on the third floor
in children’s court… again… probably the twelfth time within twelve months…
this has become the story of my life… I don’t say our life anymore since I have
been coming by myself already four court dates… nena was either too tired, or
in the hospital, and now… just not with us… so this battle is really all mine…
I’m fine with that… I’m the one that has always battled it out… although, I
haven’t really been fighting since nena passed and my life is slowly crumbling
down over my head… sound dramatic, but
that’s exactly what’s been going on… I kinda don’t want to get into details… I
actually wanted to talk about a conversation I had with this cute guy I went
out with yesterday… but I guess you guys deserve a quick detailed update on my
life and situations…
okay… so my sister nena passed
away… um… my dad’s new wife is suffering and slowly dying of some sort of
cancerous ulcer… that really sucks since my mother died slowly and painfully
from cancer as well… so, I know he’s going thru some nasty shit… I feel bad for
the old man… um… my quadriplegic sister got the boot from the house she was
living at… that pissed me off more than bummed me out… drove me totally nuts…
how the fuck can some super Christian ass bitch do that to a person that can’t
move a single limb on her body… that’s so typical of them… stupid hypocrites… I
hate them so much with a passion… I hope god does exist… just so those types of
people get punished for their travesties… oh… I put my 11 year old pit bull
Buddha to sleep… it wasn’t as hard as it sounds… to me, he was just a dog… my
dog… a piece of property… I know that’s wrong, but I can’t help it… that, and I
got two new dogs, pietro and bucky… then recently, the finance company found
out that nena passed away… so they are repossessing my van… I only owe six
grand on that sucker… I offered to pay it off cash, but they just don’t want to
give me that option… they just want to keep all of the money I gave them, and
resell the van for 23k again… fuck that… I’m giving it back to them totaled…
take that assholes… and that’s about it… I’m at court… tada… LOL..
anyways… I went out with this guy
last yesterday… I didn’t know if it was a date, but we went to dinner… was very
stupid on my part, since I took him to frank and sons first…
hahasldkfjalkdfja;lksdfjaskld;fj… so he saw me totally geek out over marvel vs
Capcom 3 and saw me drop 50 bucks on comic books… I know it’s sounds bad, but I
didn’t get my comic books last week… so it was two weeks of comics that I had
to pick up… the failure… I’m not going to do that again… 50 bucks hurt me… 25
doesn’t… anyways… this guy’s super cool… I dunno if he’s down to boyfriend me… I
think I’m way too masculine for him… that, and he says that he’s terrified of
my chest tattoo… he’s one of those… but I’m cool with it… he’ll make a cool gay
friend… hey, I don’t have any gay friends, so WTF’s up with that face…? Anywho…
after I was dropping him off, I was saying how it sucks being gay… okay, I know,
I know… there’s a lot of sucking for the gays… but srsly… it’s not easy being
gay… especially since I was “straight” for so many years…it’s like… I’m the
only gay that feels this way… it’s a trip… and let me explain it to you…
all through high school I had
different girlfriends… I had to… I already stood out… so, I had to learn how to
pick up on girls… I was good at it… not because I was so good looking… because I’m
so damn ugly…but it was I wasn’t scared of rejection, and I knew what to say… I
guess I had game… but I had to learn all that shit… I had to go through a ton
of rejection… every time I went up to a girl it was hard, but I still did it… I
even had to do it for my friends… all of my friends were fags when it came to
picking up on girls… like, if it was the worst and hardest thing to do for them…
so stupid… doesn’t make any sense to me… how the hell do you think you’re going
to find someone walking around with your tail between your legs…? And girls can
see that… everyone can see that… freaken idiots… anyways… it was an art I had
to master, or else I would be exiled by my friends… it wasn’t that bad…
although, high school girls are stupid… I had to put up with those dumb
annoying bitches…
so now… say I’m at the home depot…
I see some super sexy guy, and I really like him, and he’s all alone with no
wedding ring on his hand… all I can do is just look at him, bite my tongue and
walk away in disappointment… why you ask…? Well, I can’t just ask some random guy
out… he’ll kick my ass… there’s a huge possibility that he is not gay… so, I’m
pretty much assed out… all of those years learning how to introduce myself,
learning how to read people’s body language and courage I had to earn to walk up
to a random stranger for nothing… that shit sucks… I hate it… being gay sucks…
the only way I can find someone is either online or at some kind of gay function
like a bar, parade, party, or event… that totally fucks my odds up… I don’t go
to any gay functions… I have no gay friends… and I don’t drink/party at all… I’m
over that shit… why the hell do I need to go where there are a bunch of drunken
fags and queens to find me a real man..?
shit’s crazy… although I have had
a couple of mans… I had a shit ton of girlfriends before them… that’s not cool…
some jacked up odds… I’m a gay man… I should have more gay man partners than
biatches… right…? Sigh… oh well… I’m totally screwed… crazy right…? but I’m tired of that… I’m a bitter old man already… i should be with a bitter old man too… well…
right now I’m in no place to date... I’m a single parent,
with no car now… I got to get my life straight… I just wish I had someone there
to talk to and yell at when I need too… man, I really need to yell and punch
someone…
well… it’s 12 noon… the court
completely closed down and went to lunch… FUCK!... I’m starving, but I don’t
want to pay 10 bucks for food in the cafeteria… I am freaken starving… oh, and
another update… I fixed my keyboard… I got a completely new one… now my laptop
looks so pimp with its silver keyboard... this one feels better too… the black
plastic one got all scratched up and dented from the constant beatings/stabbings
from my sharp fingernails… I just figured out why my nails are always sharp and
pointy… it’s the angle they hit my keyboard… crazy how shit works sometimes…I guess
it’s time I publish this and start catching up on my comic books… I haven’t
read any in a couple of weeks… whatever happens today, I’ll blog up a quick
update… okay, I’m done for now… please comment and tell your friends about my
blog… that’s if you actually read it… if you didn’t, fuck you… and if you don’t…
fuck you too…
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