I’m lost… I don’t know what to do… I don’t know what’s going to happen…
my life is falling apart… like this is someone’s huge sick joke… it’s hurting
me more than any physical strain can hurt me…
My sister nena has been having a hard year… last year she started getting
stomach pains and would get bloated big time… so she went in… they ended up
keeping her for almost a month… turned out that her heart couldn’t keep up with
her body size… so she ended up getting a pace maker put in… at the age of 40…
man… so she’s been on pills since then… okay, I had her on a good diet, and was
doing good… so then we got our kids taken away… since then she stopped her diet
and well, started getting big again… fuck… it was just so much for her… then
stupid roger would always give her a hard time too… talking shit and arguing
with her… man… fuck him… I hate him more than anything in the world… lately,
she would just fall asleep out of nowhere… she couldn’t stay up at all… even
when talking to company here at the house… it was embarrassing, but she
couldn’t help it… it would sadden me watching her suffer… the last time I took
her to the store, she had to rest every couple of steps… in the store I just
started crying… I couldn’t help it… I knew what was coming…
After all that, her leg started to swell up… bad… it looked horrible…
but she didn’t want to go to the doctors… she was scared at what they were
gonna say… idiot… it got bad… she got a condition called cellulitis… sores
opened up on her leg and leaking fluids… my other sister coyo would bandage it
up for her… nena was embarrassed and would hide it from everyone… man… I told
her that it was probably the medication that was causing all of this… for a
month we all begged her to go to the doctor… so this Tuesday, kiesha took her
to the ER… she told me about the cellulitis and how they have her on
antibiotics… and that it was the medication causing all of the swelling… I knew
it… anyways… she would call us and joke around like normal… that night I had a
horrible nightmare… I dreamed that nena was back, and she was coming out of the
restroom… and I said… “why is your leg on the bed nen…?” and I looked at her
and noticed that her leg was cut off… OMG, I started crying hard… I woke up
crying at 5.22am… i had a horrible feeling… I called nena and she said she was
fine…
Yesterday my sisters bugged the nurses to put a phone in her room… her cell phone died… so they
did… then kiesha told me what the doctor told her and what nena didn’t want me
to know… I guess she was in there because her heart was beating irregularly…
man… then I started to worry… I got scared… I couldn’t sleep last night… today
I took my kids to school, got home, showered and drove around town… usually a
drive clears my mind from stress, but she was all I kept thinking about… I just
couldn’t shake the feeling… I now understand why my dad would leave and do
random stuff when my mom was in the hospital… he just wanted to clear his mind
for a minute or two… man, I’m just like my dad… now it all makes sense…
I had a horrible day today… kids
stressed me out… their teachers… everything was just fucked up… I almost broke
down in the school parking lot… I teared up a bit, but I didn’t want to start
crying with the kids in the car… probably freak them out… I got home and went
on the forums… Miguel noticed I was stressing so he came with a slice of cake
from portos… he’s a good cat… stood here or about an hour or more… for the
first time today, I laughed and felt good… i’m so glad I have good friends… I
was outside with him with ariana and I kept seeing coyo come in and out of the
house… like she didn’t know what to do…
So when they left, she told me… my other sister mag called hysterical in
tears… she tried calling nena and the nurse answered the phone… told her that
the antibiotics aren’t working, she can’t breathe on her own, and her heart is
failing… she’s in an intensive care unit… oh my god… coyo was crying… I sat
down, and just broke down… I can’t believe this is happening… this is a
nightmare… my sister is dying in a hospital by herself and here I am… doing
nothing… I can’t see her or anything right now… holy fuck… what am I going to
do…? These kids call her mom… she raised me like my mother… this is so hard for
me… we’re going thru court fighting to get andre back… what’s going to happen
with that if she doesn’t make it…? i don’t want this to happen… I don’t want
her to die… my poor sister… I love her so much…
She’s such a good person… so caring and loving… she would help anyone
she could any way she could… she doesn’t deserve this… I want her to come home
and be well… i want to see her sitting on her leather recliner hogging up the
remote control… I want to walk by and pull her hair or punch her arm… I want
her to smile and give the kids kisses… I hope she makes it out of this… I don’t
know what I’ll do without her… what about my kids… I don’t want them to grow up
without their mom… I want them to know all about her… I want them to live in a
normal family with a mom and a father figure uncle… my poor kids… they’re so
young… they won’t understand… after being taken away from their home, now they’re
having their mom taken away…
Shit… I didn’t want all that to be super sad… but these thoughts are the
only thing that I can think of… I can’t even watch TV… my throat hurts, my eyes
feel swollen, my tooth hurts… everything is in pain… I can’t stop it from the
thoughts of her… the thought of my life without her… our life… without her… I’m
so scared… I’m scared for my kids… I’m scared for my dad and family… I don’t
know what to do… she used to pay the bills and everything… I don’t know where
to send the car payment… what do I do…? Do I ask my dad to move back…? Do I have
coyo permanently move in…? what should I do with all of her stuff…? How do I go
on without her…? How is my life going to be…?
I don’t know if my kids need new clothes, or what size or any of that
crap… I know my friends and family are going to be here for me… I love my
friends… I’m going to the hospital tomorrow with jose in the morning… he had no
idea what was going on… no one did… hardly anyone knows she’s in the hospital… I don’t know if I should
tell everyone… or anyone…
Please, I hope she gets out of this… I wish someone could help her… help us... I wish
she would’ve gone a long time ago… but she just gave up… my mother gave up… she
told me… she said to me that she was tired of living and suffering… so she
started smoking again… why did my mom give up…? Why couldn’t she fight the
cancer…? Now why is nena giving up…? How could she give up on our kids…? How could
both of them give up on me…? Why didn’t she call us…? My poor nena… stop giving
up… fight for us nena… fight for our family… fight…
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