taking the garbage to the curb baby...

sunday, may 26 2013

yeah, i know it's been a long ass time... and i know that i always say that i'm going to do it again and i don't... so what... sue me... lol... it's jsut that i always have shit to do... right now i don't go to forums and well, i ain't doing anything else... LOL... okay, this time for reals...

i want to start off saying that i wish a ton of love and luck to my boy james... everyone send good vibes his way... even though you don't know him... just say to youself... "good luck james, everything is going to get better soon" thank you...

first of all... i'm going to vent this shit that i have been holding back for like ever... lol... i hate faggots... fuck... i hate being gay... this fucken sucks ass... i can't find a decent guy... i can't find a man that calls himself to be a man and that turns out to be a man... i always meet guys that are masculine, but when it comes down to it, are huge fucken bitches... fuck... why do they have to pleague my life with drama...? why..?¿ do they just need to cause drama and conflict..? that's so fucken stupid... i don't know if i want to get into the details... i probably shouldn't because there might be a faggot that goes onto my blog just to see if i talk about this other dude... fuck... what a pathetic piece of human garbage...

you wanna know what the best part is...? that both of you guys will be out of my life for now on... i don't have to hear or see any of you... you guys can have eachother, and live with your black eyes and busted up faces... that's the only way you guys are ever going to be happy... go ahead and live in chaos... i'm over it... i have my kids, and my own bull shit to stress over... and if that little bitch wants to come cause trouble with me... fuck... look... i don't get violent to hurt something... i get violent to destroy... that's the only purpose to fight... to destroy... i'm not gonna stop until you stop moving... i've done it before, and i'm not afraid to do it again... i will do whatever it takes to defend myself and my family... i will not hold back or have any remorse for what will happen to you... i already have 666 and the bapheomet seal of satan permanently on my chest... what's another sin... i'm going to hell anyways...

another thing i want to talk about... i'm on this app on my phone to find other fags... i'm looking for guys to date, but everyone here just wants to suck my dick... do they realy think i'm going to let some random ass stranger put their teeth around my dick...? fuck you... lol.. anyways... hold on, let me look at my phone... i'm gonna talk shit about some dumb fuck's messages... fuck, he pissed me off... hold on... okay i finally found it... fuck, i wish i could cut and past it here... but i can't... so let me just set it up and quote shit on here... this black guy hits me up... i'm cool talking to black guys, but i'm not doing to fool around, date or anything else with them... not racist, it just doesn't work for me... same goes for asian or namaste indian guys... i don't know what to call them... LOL... anyways... the conversation started out like this...

him... "hey cutie pie" me "yo..." him... "man your bald head really turns me on, i bet it's baby smooth and i won't be able to get my hands off of you" (omg that's so super cheezy... what fag is going to fall for that shit..???? me "i have a ton of hair right now... and thx i guess... " him "no problem, how you doing today?" me "i'm cool, helping my kids with their homework..." (i always throw my kids in the conversation when i'm talking to some fool i don't want to talk to anymore... LOL...) him "have you ever been with a blk man before?" oh fuck... that question... so i said... "i've never been with a black man before, they aren't really my type..." then he said... "well, i guess this conversation is over since you're racist and very prejudice, i really don't like to people who they are better then other people in different races... what ever to" and that's it... i'm gonna start another paragraph...

what the fuck..??? seriously... what the fuck did i say that made me racist and prejudice...? i said black guys aren't my type... and that's it... fuck you for calling me a racist... i'm fucken mexican... you guys have a shitload of tv shows and networks dedicated to  your horrible lifestyle, and mexicans only got networks and shows that show in mexico... we don't get treated the same as you guys do in this country... i'm the minority here not you... how the fuck could i be reverse racist on your black ass...? how... fuck you're so damn stupid... so i said... "i'm not a racist or anything... it's just that i don't get turned on or anything by black or asian men... i'm a mexican that goes after white men... i hear them say it to me all the time, and it doesn't stop me from trying to be their friend... but some people just can't tolerate it..." then he throws this at me... "but arestill prejudice... so it nothing else need to says... i really don't like to talk to ignorant people like that... so this conversation is over" oh fuck... i need to start another paragraph for this one...

fuck you asshole for calling me ignorant... i gave you a legitimate explaination and reason, but obviously your stupid ass can't understand english... fuck... and he's calling me ignorant...? look at this fucken retard here... i take the word ignorant like a real insult... i am not ignorant... this is what i replied to him... "LOL... that's like you getting mad for me not being attracted to a woman... you see how stupid that sounds...? some of my straight friends like skinny chicks, other's like fat chicks... does that make them prejudice...? no... you're freken retarded... don't call me ignorant... i know english and i know how to comprehend it... you obviously don't... so fuck you and die you dumb fuck..." and i blocked him... that's right... i get the last word all the time... LOL... i'm such an asshole... but i'm not an ignorant prejudice racist gay... that's for sure... hahahaha... anyways...

don't go around getting all upset over what goes on in the internetz... it's not real... how can someone get all mad over a tiny comment that someone made on the internet... today i wrote "perhaps" on instagram, and all hell broke loose... did i mean it..? no... was i playing...? yes i was... but what happened happened... i don't care enought to fix it... i'm a man... you want to know how a man deals with bullshit...? a man does two things... he either fixes it, or if it's broken, throws it away... i'm not going to fix that drama... so i rather throw it in the garbage where it belongs... i'm done her... i'll try to blog at least every other day... if not every day... i'm talking to a lot of fags right now, so you know i'll need to vent some shit...

thank you guys for reading, i love you all...

stupid lying ass faggot... v2

So this jack ass is on this hook up site… his name is “MASKDLREQUIRED”…  check out his profile… LOL…

MASC GUY FOR OTHER MEN 28, 5'10", 207lb, 34w, Athletic, Black Hair, Shaved Body, Latino, Looking for 1-on-1 Sex, 3some/ Group Sex.

NO PIX HERE, TO DL SORRY FOR GOOD REASON,, IF UR DOWN WITH A MASC GOOD LOOKIN DUDE HIT IT UP,, NOT INTO FEMS OR GUYS THAT ACT RIDICULOUS, ONLY GOOD LOOKIN MEN LATIN OR WHITE,, NO ASIANS, BLACK, JUST PREFERENCE, RESPECT IT
NO PIX HERE, TO DL SORRY FOR GOOD REASON,, IF UR DOWN WITH A MASC GOOD LOOKIN DUDE HIT IT UP,, NOT INTO FEMS OR GUYS THAT ACT RIDICULOUS, ONLY GOOD LOOKIN MEN LATIN OR WHITE,, NO ASIANS, BLACK, JUST PREFERENCE, RESPECT IT

First of all… fuck you… you don’t have a picture up and aren’t gonna put one up…? Who the hell do you think you are…? Srsly…? Are you that much of a wuss that you don’t want some gay guy to know what you look like…? Wtf… do gay guys really go after this bullshit…? What guy is going to want to hook up or even talk to someone that …? That’s so stupid… fucken creep… anyways… I sent him a message… LOL… I really wanted to know his explanation or thought process on this retarded shaded ass profile… I asked him…

but you can have a pic in private... that way you control who sees you... no one is going to want to hook up with a complete stranger... at least a pic will make them want to hook up...

okay… I don’t think I told him anything to offend him… right…? I just said that he could have a picture in private and lock it from the public eyes… and I told him that no one in their right mind would want to fuck with a guy that doesn’t want to show a picture at all… unless they are weird dumb creepy fucks like him… damn sicko… who the hell does he think he is..? LOL… anyways… this is what he told me…

I've been hooking up bro with out pix.. math u should hide urs Cus looks like u need action but can't get any cuz of ur looks

Hahahaha… that shit was hilarious… I know he hasn’t been hooking up with no pics because his profile is 2 days old… unless you’re finding some nasty ass fucks that are aid’s infected, then I’ll believe you… anyways… this fucker is straight out trying to insult me… that’s funny… I don’t know if I had it coming… but to be honest, it was shocking to me… I was like… WTF…? Srsly…? Are they talking shit to they…? Whatever… this is what I pm’d him back…

hahaha... i didn't hit you up to hate, i thought i was giving advice... if that's the kind of person you really are, then that's just sad... it all makes sense... 
and if you want to insult someone, learn how to spell... why should i "math" anything...? LOL... i trip out when i hook up with men with wedding rings that say they're straight but love sucking dick... i know you're one of them... just a scared cock sucking fag with a horrible personality... i hope you don't have kids...

hahaha… I know that shit hurt his feelings… it would hurt my feelings… but fuck that guy… he deserves it… what a total jack ass… okay, I’m gonna switch it up now…

what the fuck is really going on with the world…? Was that how it was back in the day… all kinds of married men looking for an anonymous dick to sit on…? Sick mother fuckers… why marry your wife and have kids if you’re all about the shaft…? Does that make sense to anyone…? It doesn’t make sense to me… it’s stupid… why are you guys stupid now…? Why can’t you just accept the fact that you were born gay…? Who cares what your friends and family think for a day or two… they’ll get over it… it’s easy and not a big deal… why do you have to ruin lives living in a lie..? your poor wife… your poor kids… man… imagine they found out that mom left dad because he’s a cock sucking bottom aids infected whore…

okay… I’m not going to be all hypocrite and say I’ve never fucked a straight man… I have… and I have always asked them… “how does this make you feel…?” LOL… some guys get all offended and mad… I don’t give a fuck… I tell them the truth… how can they sit there tell me that they’re straight when they’re tonsil deep on my dick…? Not trying to sound graphic, but it’s true… that’s not being straight… straight guys don’t chow on man’s meat… that’s gay… and lying about it… that’s faggotry right there… I met one man in the past that was honest about it… I asked if he was married and he said yes… with kids… his family thinks he’s working overtime… then he started crying… “my family loves me, worships the ground I walk on, and here I am sucking dick like a fag” I wanted to crack up… but I guess it was sad…

wait… that shit is not sad… fuck that guy… he’s a dick… lying to his family and denying it… be a man mother fucker… and stop sucking dick… if you want to be with a man, come out of the closet, leave your wife and pay for your kids therapy… I guess the moral of my story is if you’re gay… don’t get married like a straight man… HAHAHHAA… nothing’s wrong with being gay… just don’t live a lie… btw… 95% of so called “bisexuals” are not bisexuals… they’re perverted ass nymphomaniacs… like me… LOL… 

stupid faggots and their silly drama...

i wrote this on January 18, 2012... but i forgot to publish it... or i thought i did... i dunno... that was probably when my "E" key fucked up and got tired of doing stuff... whatever... it's just some drama i had with this random faggot on this gay smashing website... LOL... scope it out... 

Check out what this faggot from Beverly Hills wrote to me on this gay website… jeez… okay… well to start… I have this profile at this site… yeah, I know it’s wack or whatever, but where else am I gonna meet a gay man like me…? Fuck gay bars… fuck pride parades… bah humbug to the entire “gay scene”… so this fag from BH decides to make it his job to try to educate me on the “gay scene”… okay… on my profile I put that “not into the "scene"... i'm out, but i only have straight friends...” that’s exactly what it says on my profile… so then this twat named “Snugglejuggle” sends me this…

Snugglejuggle (26 mins ago) 'not into the "scene"... i'm out, but i only have straight friends'

All due respect, there's nothing wrong with the scene or having gay friends. Often times, gay people understand each other better having gone through great struggles and similar stories of loss and triumph. Gay people are some of the most well rounded, artistic, well spoken, compassionate people I know and I'm proud to call them friends. You seem like a great person, but it is a little unfortunate that you felt the need to claim (with pride) that you don't have gay friends...on a gay site...where you're looking to meet gay people. You almost make it sound as though being in the company of fellow gays is a sin and wrong. You may not know it or realize it, but you writing you don't have gay friends and prefer straight friends and telling gay people that (as an attempt to knock them) has a lot of internalized homophobia behind it. More often than not, a black person would not go on a black oriented social networking/dating site and say "ONLY hang out with white people and white friends. sorry, don't do black friends"...they would be called out for their ignorance, yet since it's very convenient to hate on gays, it's unfortunate to see fellow gays kicking us while we're already down. This life is too short to live it for others....be you-do you- and don't care about what others precieve you as.

All my best

Dood… srsly… shut the fuck up and learn how to write paragraphs… man… at first I thought nothing of it… I sent him a message saying “LOL” and that’s it… HAHAHAHA… fuck him… but then he sends me another two that said this…

Snugglejuggle (16 mins ago) Your dad may have raised you with 'good ol fashioned values'...but we all know what that means. Machismo homophobia. I would think as a Latino gay instead of wanting to perpetuate more latin homophobia toward our community, you'd want to shift attitudes, but instead...you're no better than the worst homophobe. The difference between them and you is...you happen to still love the dick, and have daddy issues. Before you preach about not hanging out with gays....sorry amigo....you ARE gay, on a G-A-Y ass website looking for other gays to do *gay* things with. No matter how straight ACTING (emphasis on acting) you are and how much you rim heterosexuals and the ground they walk on while looking down on gays who are well adjusted and comfortable in their skin.....you still gay. lol.

And…

Snugglejuggle (13 mins ago) you know...I actually do resent that I stooped below polite and got disrespectful. I regret that as I meant to actually open a mature, honest, respectful dialogue when I wrote you. but I don't think my words will have an impact on you today. some day you'll realize what I mean- and you'll not care what others think, but till then....our values are different. Best of luck either way

Then……. He blocks me…. WTFMOTHEFUCKENFAGGOTMOUTH from Beverly Hills… fuck dumb bitch fag had to block me… man… so I wrote to a friend to relay him a message I wrote… and this is it…

thanks for changing my life... you're a regular dr phil... HAHAHAHA...

you obviously need to learn how to read... stop putting words into my profile and go troll somewhere else... go make a commercial with wanda psykes... i do not have macho attitude or anything... i know i'm gay... i just don't party with gays... hense, not in the "gay scene"... i don't go out, drink or do anything... no parties and crap... not because i don't want to hang around gays... just because i don't do that stuff... my friends are all straight, because i do stuff other straight guys like to do...

you need to take a step  back and realize you don't know enough by just reading a profile to start talking crap... honestly... who the hell do you think you are...? i know i'm gay... do you know what you are...? jeez... if other gay people are like you, i'm glad i don't go to pride events... and if someone would tell me what you just told me in person, i would've started swinging... it would look like gay bashing... but it's just a humbling you deserve...

don't judge anyone and don't try to "educate" or preach nonsense... go troll some where else...

thx...

hahaha… damn gay troll… but srsly… who the hell does he think he is…? He was acting worse than a stupid Christian… fuck… now I know what other people think of gays… 

sadness and sorrow is all i feel...

October 25, 2011

Today might be one of the worst days of my life… I haven’t felt this bad since my mother died from cancer… and it’s going to be like this all week…

I haven’t moved from the couch since 5pm… I’m just waiting for a phone call from someone telling us what time and where we can see our kids… today, they were taken away from us… a police officer came today, talked to us, then left… told us that we have nothing to worry about… minutes later a social worker came over… told us that the school reported us… again… no biggie… but this time, he did have a bruise on his cheek from when he fell and hit himself on his bed… we told them, and we told the teacher about it too… but I guess they just didn’t care about the notes we sent with him, and still reported us…

Then the social worker talked to all three kids by themselves… then she left… stood in her car for about 30 minutes talking on the phone… then walked back in and said that she’s going to take them… fuck… it was a huge shock for me and nena… but it felt like a joke a bit… I laughed and started talking shit like always… then someone else came and told nena to start packing up their bags… fuck… matthew kind of felt something, and he jumped behind me and started hugging me… I couldn’t do anything about it…I told them that we don’t hit our kids, and that all of these papers say that he does self-inflicting injuries all of the time… but they don’t care… after that I just sat here… gave them all a kiss, and they left not knowing that they aren’t going to come home tonight…

Right now it’s killing me… knowing that they left all happy thinking they were just going with these nice people… they took their favorite toys, clothes and homework… I don’t even know if they ate anything… I was just about to make them something to eat… i was on the floor coloring with matthew when the social worker came… right now the color pencils are at my feet… when they were walking the kids out, I text jose… “they’re taking the kids…” and he came right away… I feel bad for him because, I couldn’t talk anymore… I just sat here… he was talking with nena and desiree, but I just shut down… haven’t really spoken to anyone… I just ate right now… but I can’t stop crying… I don’t know what to do… I’m just waiting for a stupid phone call… they should’ve called by now… no one has come to my house for hours… I don’t know if it’s a good thing…

For some reason I woke up with a feeling that something bad was going to happen… earlier when I was taking ariana to her preschool, I tweeted “I Have a feeling that today is going to be one of those emo days for me... remembering me mom before I forget her forever... “ for no reason… now it makes me wonder… maybe I knew something tragic was going to happen… but why..? maybe my mother was trying to warn me…?? Nah, I don’t believe in that shit… but still, it’s tripping me out… man, I just realized that they took the kids away 3 hours ago… and it feels like it was forever ago… time slowed down so much… all I can do is sit here and think about them… I can’t stop… bill has been texting me, but to be honest, I don’t feel like talking to friends… I don’t know what to do… I just posted on the chicken forum that I might get rid of all of my chickens and animals…

This Friday we’re going to court… there we will find out what is going to happen with us and the kids… we can either get them back, or permanently get them taken away… if I don’t get them back, I don’t know what is going to happen… I feel like giving up on everything and everyone and just leaving to another state or something… start an entire new life somewhere else… I have done it before… well, kind of… last time I left, I was sleeping under park benches and freeway overpasses with other homeless bums… today is the first time I have ever felt like a failure.. although I know I didn’t… I tried my hardest… I did whatever I could… these are not my biological kids from my own seed… but they are my kids… I love them and treated them as good as I could… I really want them back… I already miss them, and can’t believe they’re gone…

And don’t worry people… I’m not gonna go kill myself… I’m not that stupid… and if I do, and you know me, you will get a phone call when I do… seriously… I have a death list in my room inside a brown envelope labeled “for jose, please read” that has numbers, emails, contacts, forums, profiles, websites, passwords with detailed directions on what to do.. I’m not suicidal… but you never know what could happen… I know way to many people and when I die, I want to have a HUGE funeral… just like my mother’s…

Well, I have to go…. I have to sit and think about what I’m going to do… I’ll post another blog Friday after the court hearing… wish me luck, and thanks for reading… it means a lot to me…

yes... i am a jerk... i hate everything... get over it...

Why am I such a jerk…? Fuck… how do I still have friends if all I do is talk shit… well to them it’s talking shit, but I’m really trying to help them out… also, I really hate religious fucks… LOL…

After Javier left, I got into a pretty big fight with my sister nena… I saw her letting this lady (I hate I hope she dies) drive her new van… fuck… why the hell is she letting that goblin faced biatch drive it…? She can drive perfectly fine herself…. Those people don’t have anything nice… not one thing that is considered nice to have… they’re on welfare, talk shit about people behind their backs, and all of her daughters and sons are useless pieces of shit… one of them called my house the other day… she had just had her baby, and it got taken away because she had drugs in her system… she told my sister to get a hold of her mother, and to pick the baby up if they could… supposedly she was staying at this recovery home here in bell gardens… bull fucken shit… I saw her at pepper’s house with sneaky and other gangsters… why else would she be doing there if she wasn’t getting high…? Maybe prostituting some more…

One time her sister told me that they didn’t have any bread, so she got up, announced that she was going to go sell herself really quick to buy stuff to make sammiches… fuck… even her little girl heard that… how the hell does a person do that…? Fuck… why is that person living in the same house as me and my kids…? Why isn’t she locked up in a cage somewhere…? Stupid society… hate that shit… she always has money in her pocket because of this society allows her to roam the streets… man… when I become president, I will put an end to all of this stupidity… so anyways… the mom and sisters hit up the social worker to see what she could do, turns out that a week before, that girl called the social worker on her mom, saying that she’s doing drugs and treating the kids wrong so she could get the kids taken away… fuck… now they are mad at her, and don’t want to go pick up the little girl… BTW, she named her cayla… yep… with a fucken C… how the fuck do the hospitals allow people to name some kids… I would’ve been talking shit to her and tell her how it’s supposed to be spelled… she named her that because the recovery home she’s at is called kayla’s house… and she named her after the recovery home… THEN WHY DIDN’T SHE SPELL IT WITH A K!!!???... omg…

So now the little girl is going to go to a foster parent… that sucks… it’s not the little girl’s fault… she didn’t ask to be born… why punish her…? People are fucked up in the head… I can’t believe my sister let this lady that is punishing a 2 day old child drive the van… fuck, I hope this lady suffers how she’s made so many people suffer… she used to tell everyone to call her mom… so I used to call her mom after a while… until the day came she called the police on me because I was hanging out with her son in law that just got into a fight with her daughter, and wrecked the windows of his own car… HIS OWN CAR!!!... fuck… so the police had me on the cold ass floor… I was so pissed… ever since then she’s a common piece of garbage to me… nothing but drama… nothing but bullshit… nothing but chaos… one day, chaos will destroy that family, and I want to be as far away as possible from them… chaos spreads, and has a way of spreading onto others…

Sigh…

Well, here’s some other bullshit that I just wrote up for a stupid response about having illegal chickens… I own illegal chickens… I’m only allowed to have two hens, and right now… I have 38 chicks/hens/roosters… that’s a lot of chickens… LOL… so they made a thread named “who owns illegal chickens?” and out of nowhere, some jack ass bible thumper put this garbage on the site…

Quote SpeedysBigRedHow many of the posters on this thread who have admitted to keeping illegal chickens, and bragging about it, have children? How many believe they are religious? How many support our troops, honor the flag, and believe in the laws of the land - and teach that belief to children? How many believe that the laws are not for you, or that maybe you're just bending the law? Regardless of the justification you use to circumvent a law, as long as that law is on the books - it is the law! If you want to change the law, do it legally, (And, yes, it takes time and might never happen) but until then don't flaunt the law just because you don't believe it pertains to you.

Fuck… that shit pissed me off… I can’t talk a lot of shit on this forum because I like this forum… it’s called backyardchickens… LOL… they’re nice and full of knowledge… so I held my tongue a bit and wrote this…

wow...


i am not religious... i do not believe in god, as a matter of fact, i used to go to the church of satan and read the books by anton zander levey... i have facial piercings and my ears have huge 1 1/8th holes in them... i have pentagrams tattoo'd on my shoulders and a huge one on my chest with "666"... i was in gangs, i'm a high school drop out, and have gone to jail... oh, and i'm gay...

LOL, man i sound like a horrible person... jeez...

after all of that stuff... i have my AA as a chrysler auto tech, my BA in english and philosophy, own a house, adopted three of my sister's children because she was in drugs and in and out of jail, when a friend has no where to go (homeless) they know to come to my house, i will never say "no" to someone that needs food or shelter, i will go far out of my way to help someone i just met and i have never done drugs and also stopped drinking period 3 years ago...

i think i'm a good person... i wish to believe everyone on this forum is a good person... so the way i see your post, especially the thing about me not being religious, is somewhat offensive... because i don't believe in your god, i'm a bad person..? just because i have 38 illegal chickens and i can only have 2 hens in my city, that makes me a bad person as someone that hates this country...? are you saying that i automatically hate my country because i'm not like you...? it's people that think that way why this country is so backwards and evolving backwards in the human race... yes, i said that... i'm not hurting anyone...

i only have two neighbors... one neighbor has roosters too, and the other one gets eggs and loves my birds... i think i'm going to help him build a coop soon... two months ago the city came to my neighbor/best friend (2 houses down) and told him to get rid of all of his roosters, quails (bob white and cortunix) and just keep two hens... so we hid them... i guess it's because the coop was visible from the street... so he got it signed off, and we moved them to the back... i know he knows we all have chickens, but he doesn't say anything anymore... i guess it was more of a visual thing..? but anyways... the law is dumb, even the code inspector thought it was dumb... we have OEGB's and they are way quieter than the other neighbor's std game birds...

but like everyone said before me... it's a dumb law, and even the people enforcing it know it's dumb... the city next to mine (literately behind my house) can have chickens and over 200 pigeons, poultry and fowl... the houses look the same, streets are the same, it's retarded... and i can't fight it because my small town has a lot of illegal chicken owners that have been breeding/propagating chickens for years... so they told me, if it ain't broke, why fix it..? i understood completely...




also... please don't judge someone because they aren't religious... you do not know why they aren't religious, or how, so why would you throw stones...? is that what jesus would do...? people like me do get offended when people thump the bibles in our face, cast us aside, and say we're sinners... the funny thing is that we 100% always turn the other cheek... not because that is jesus like, but it's tolerant, and the thing to do...




peace, love, and happy hatching...

what I really wanted to write was FUCK YOUU!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! FUCK OFF YOU!!!!!!!!!... seriously… I’m so tired of being labeled a bad person because of my tattoo’s, views, beliefs, and my sexual orientation… I’m sure there are thousands of people that feel the same way… what ever happened to tolerance…? Seems like there isn’t a chapter about if in the bible… these people swear they are perfect and kind… nothing but two faced hypocrites if you ask me… every devote Christian family I know is jacked up… they spend the entire weekend listening to some ex con, sit next to drug users, thieves, criminals and sing retarded songs just so other people could think they are good people… while at home, their kids are doing drugs, lacking attention/love and are total failures… it never fails… it’s like it’s part of their religion… srsly… how do these people live with themselves…? How can they go around torturing their children and setting them up for nothing but failure…? Fuck… it’s a jacked up cycle… their kids get raised wrong, become criminals or retards, find god, become Christians, then do the same to their kids… it must be stopped…

why can’t people just break the cycle…? If I’m in a cult like Christianity, and everyone around me has jacked up kids, I am NOT going to do what they do to their kids… raising kids is so damn easy… even mentally challenged kids that come out on MTV’s teen mom can do it… why can’t a devout Christian..? why…? Someone, please answer that question to me… because I am without a clue here… if they are so good people, why can’t they raise good children…? Instead of reading that stupid book, they should take some parenting classes… but no… that will just take too much time away from their praying… like if that’s going to make a difference…

fucken james… LOL… he’s making me blog rants, but I thank him… at least he reads them… I have to stop being such a lazy fat shit and write one at least every two days like before… oh well… I ♥ james…

it's like the world is drinking ipecac and vomiting on me...

For some reason, I’m bummed out… all kinds of bad shit is flowing thru my head… first of all, I’m sick, and didn’t feel like going anywhere today… I just wish I would’ve stayed in my room all day long… I don’t know what it is… I kind of don’t want to get into details… but I’m kind of tired of being me… what’s the use of me being so loud, if no one ever takes my advice or listens to what I have to say… I’ll just start staying quiet…

Fuck… right now I’m listening to my stupid ex-brother in law complaining about my nephew… fuck him, it’s his fault that he’s a horrible father… that shit drives me nuts… why can’t I tell him that all of this shit is caused because he doesn’t know shit about raising a kid..? I actually feel sorry for him… but fuck him… he’s an asshole… that’s why he can’t walk without crutches… karma is a bitch, and he got punished for some reason right…? Look at him… he’s pathetic, and is gonna suffer all his life… I wonder what he did to deserve this… let me think about what I know he’s done… um… one, he sells drugs… he brought drugs into my house once… I hated him for it… we didn’t’ get nothing out of the deal or anything… I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say that I never say I didn’t get involved with dealing drugs… but I did it for a couple of days… but this dude has been doing it for years… Imagine all of the kids that smoke his shit, get sick, or die from his drugs…? That right there deserves to lose the ability to walk like a normal human being…

Another thing, he’s the reason my sister first got into drugs… he drugged her… got her addicted bad… she was lost… started stealing and all kinds of crazy shit for it… and he did it because that way she wouldn’t leave him… that right there makes him the scum of the earth… I hate him for that, and I will never forgive him… it eats the inside of me knowing that he did this to my sister… she went homeless, went in and out of jail a couple of times, and was living in tents on the side of the freeway… she ended up getting with this other loser, and had 4 kids with him this way… the first three were taken away from her… and now they’re mine… not to sound like an asshole, but kids were not in my game plan… I hate kids… but what am I gonna do…? Let these kids get lost in the system and be taken away to some strange houses… fuck that… if someone’s gonna fuck these kids up it’s gonna be my crazy sister and I… LOL…

Part of the worst thing about him is the way he treats my nephew… whenever he comes over my heart drops… his dad can’t take care of him the way we were taken care of… or even the way his dad was taken care of… he had everything when he grew up… but now I see my nephew coming over to my house hungry as fuck… I hate that… that’s one thing that just grinds my gears… it’s so easy to feed your kids… don’t you sell drugs mother fucker…? WTF do you do with the money…? Jeez us… well fuck it… like I say, that’s life… I can’t go around complaining about stuff I can’t do anything about… although I might be able to do something about this… but maybe it’s too late… and I can’t afford to take in a teenager… fuck that jazz… I can barely take care of my teenager lifestyle… amirite…¿

I think I’m going to go nuts soon… I can’t stop thinking about certain shit… like, I really need to start riding my bike again… big time… I lost some muscles in my legs, and chest… that’s what’s bugging me the most… my boobies are all flabby now… LOL… I know I’m not one of those peoples that are all into their looks or body… but having a bit of muscle does kick ass… maybe I should start working out…? Fuck that… LOL… that’s for faggots… and you know it’s true… my dad never went to the gym and he’s a fucken MAN!... hahaha… if I get fit and everything, that would suck… I hear skinny people get cold all fast and I’m not into wearing pants or knitted sweaters casually…

Btw, my dad came over yesterday… he stood the night… seems that he is going thru some shit with his new wife… she left him… he didn’t have an appointment or a valid reason to come over and spend the night, he just came I guess to see us… he wanted to get away… I went to the store with him for a throw rug… he wanted one… so I said, let’s go… he told me that she wanted to go live with her daughter that is going to have a baby… fuck… that’s a poor ass excuse to leave someone… right…? Fuck her then… she took all of the furniture and even his tv and stuff… what a bitch… she’s lucky I don’t go and visit them over in that garbage dump of a country… yeah, they live in Mexico… LOL…

I told him… if she’s old enough to open her hairy legs and get pregnant she could take care of her own spawn herself… but she just wanted to jam I guess… and he shouldn’t feel bad… plus, there are other bitches out there… my dad isn’t ugly, and he’s fucken rolling in money… what dirty Mexican lady isn’t gonna want to suck that man’s dick…? Shiet… he feels like he’s too old… but I told him… if I had his money, I would do the same shit… get some young biatch, buy her some fancy things and fuck her for the time being… amirite…? Why the fuck not… he was like, nah, I’m not like that, wu wu wuu… asjkl;fjasklfsapdfaslkdfjkl; dammit, why can’t people live out their animalistic prowess’s…? we are freaken animals and are supposed to fuck everything that walks… we all suppress the wrong shit…

I feel bad for my dad… he’s in his house all alone with his two dogs… he came and saw my chickens… he loved my mini urban farm… he used to have chickens before I was born in this house… I guess it struck him with nostalgia because he started talking to me about my mother… we said stories and stuff, relaxed outside a bit and went for lunch afterwards… that was a very nice moment… I will remember it forever… it’s a shame it is one of a few times that I can say I enjoyed spending with my father… I wish everything was different… but it’s not… I came out all psychotic and somewhat weird and shit… why couldn’t I be normal and have a normal relationship with my family… dysfunction is the only thing I know… chaos and lament… like a PH13 rated rob zombie flick… with some fail…

I think my dad is going to sell his giant pad in mexico and come back… I hope he does… gets rid of that jack ass roger and I can see him more than just once a month… maybe it’s not too late to have a relationship with my father… I would want to take him fishing, to some farms to pick up some chickens, maybe to a reef event or pet expo… let him see what my passions really are… I hope these aren’t false hopes… what if he comes and it’s just like before… ignoring problems and hours of yelling/pointing fingers…. You wanna know what really sucks…? The fact that I am just like my dad… I’m angry, mean, weird, psycho, and funny… but I’m also social… maybe my dad was social like me once… then he had kids… fuck… LOL… oh well… that’s enough for now… I wonder if james read all of this… leave a comment james and stop lurking… zing!!!...