stupid faggots and their silly drama...

i wrote this on January 18, 2012... but i forgot to publish it... or i thought i did... i dunno... that was probably when my "E" key fucked up and got tired of doing stuff... whatever... it's just some drama i had with this random faggot on this gay smashing website... LOL... scope it out... 

Check out what this faggot from Beverly Hills wrote to me on this gay website… jeez… okay… well to start… I have this profile at this site… yeah, I know it’s wack or whatever, but where else am I gonna meet a gay man like me…? Fuck gay bars… fuck pride parades… bah humbug to the entire “gay scene”… so this fag from BH decides to make it his job to try to educate me on the “gay scene”… okay… on my profile I put that “not into the "scene"... i'm out, but i only have straight friends...” that’s exactly what it says on my profile… so then this twat named “Snugglejuggle” sends me this…

Snugglejuggle (26 mins ago) 'not into the "scene"... i'm out, but i only have straight friends'

All due respect, there's nothing wrong with the scene or having gay friends. Often times, gay people understand each other better having gone through great struggles and similar stories of loss and triumph. Gay people are some of the most well rounded, artistic, well spoken, compassionate people I know and I'm proud to call them friends. You seem like a great person, but it is a little unfortunate that you felt the need to claim (with pride) that you don't have gay friends...on a gay site...where you're looking to meet gay people. You almost make it sound as though being in the company of fellow gays is a sin and wrong. You may not know it or realize it, but you writing you don't have gay friends and prefer straight friends and telling gay people that (as an attempt to knock them) has a lot of internalized homophobia behind it. More often than not, a black person would not go on a black oriented social networking/dating site and say "ONLY hang out with white people and white friends. sorry, don't do black friends"...they would be called out for their ignorance, yet since it's very convenient to hate on gays, it's unfortunate to see fellow gays kicking us while we're already down. This life is too short to live it for others....be you-do you- and don't care about what others precieve you as.

All my best

Dood… srsly… shut the fuck up and learn how to write paragraphs… man… at first I thought nothing of it… I sent him a message saying “LOL” and that’s it… HAHAHAHA… fuck him… but then he sends me another two that said this…

Snugglejuggle (16 mins ago) Your dad may have raised you with 'good ol fashioned values'...but we all know what that means. Machismo homophobia. I would think as a Latino gay instead of wanting to perpetuate more latin homophobia toward our community, you'd want to shift attitudes, but instead...you're no better than the worst homophobe. The difference between them and you is...you happen to still love the dick, and have daddy issues. Before you preach about not hanging out with gays....sorry amigo....you ARE gay, on a G-A-Y ass website looking for other gays to do *gay* things with. No matter how straight ACTING (emphasis on acting) you are and how much you rim heterosexuals and the ground they walk on while looking down on gays who are well adjusted and comfortable in their skin.....you still gay. lol.

And…

Snugglejuggle (13 mins ago) you know...I actually do resent that I stooped below polite and got disrespectful. I regret that as I meant to actually open a mature, honest, respectful dialogue when I wrote you. but I don't think my words will have an impact on you today. some day you'll realize what I mean- and you'll not care what others think, but till then....our values are different. Best of luck either way

Then……. He blocks me…. WTFMOTHEFUCKENFAGGOTMOUTH from Beverly Hills… fuck dumb bitch fag had to block me… man… so I wrote to a friend to relay him a message I wrote… and this is it…

thanks for changing my life... you're a regular dr phil... HAHAHAHA...

you obviously need to learn how to read... stop putting words into my profile and go troll somewhere else... go make a commercial with wanda psykes... i do not have macho attitude or anything... i know i'm gay... i just don't party with gays... hense, not in the "gay scene"... i don't go out, drink or do anything... no parties and crap... not because i don't want to hang around gays... just because i don't do that stuff... my friends are all straight, because i do stuff other straight guys like to do...

you need to take a step  back and realize you don't know enough by just reading a profile to start talking crap... honestly... who the hell do you think you are...? i know i'm gay... do you know what you are...? jeez... if other gay people are like you, i'm glad i don't go to pride events... and if someone would tell me what you just told me in person, i would've started swinging... it would look like gay bashing... but it's just a humbling you deserve...

don't judge anyone and don't try to "educate" or preach nonsense... go troll some where else...

thx...

hahaha… damn gay troll… but srsly… who the hell does he think he is…? He was acting worse than a stupid Christian… fuck… now I know what other people think of gays… 

am i the surviving twin, or just a spawn from hell...? and i have chickens... LOL...

Yeah, I know I haven’t been doing this “blog” thingy enough… whatever… I just forget and shit… sometimes I feel like doing it with my cell phone, but WTF am I going to be doing sitting in a car or something typing up my blog… that’s pretty teh fails… well, let’s start off with what I’ve been into… you know me… I’m always changing my lifestyle or hobbies… LOL…

Well… I still have my bike… but I haven’t used it in like… months… LOL… I still have my fish tank… but I haven’t done a water change in like… months… LOL… I still have my leopard geckos… I heard them… and I’m going to to get MOAR like in… days… LOL… but the thing i gotten into lately is chickens… yeah I know… fucken weird amirite…? I never thought I would get chickens… I always said I wanted chickens, and roosters are so FTMFW but man… I have a shitload now… I just wanted one… it started off because jose got a pair… I was like, man he looks cool, but then that fucker said hold him… FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH… he was such a cool bird… so kick ass, and super tame… I fell in love… so later that week I converted my old pigeon coop into a chicken coop… it was easy… just moved the stick from the top to the middle, and got a new feeder… LOL… so I got my first bird… he’s a crele old English game bantam… so a miniature fighting rooster… he was cool but lonely… so I got him a hen… fuck… I ended up getting him like ten hens… LOL… now I have 19 chickens total… four roosters and four different breeds of chickens… I ♥ them so bad…

Let’s switch it up a bit… as some of you guys know, my sister was in emergency and got a pace maker put on… I yelled at her today about her eating… she is still trying to eat sweets and shit… she doesn’t know why I have her on such a strict diet… fuck… she was like… the doctor said I should be on a low sodium diet… so I snapped at her today… WTF does she want…? Does she still want to get fat, but hold the sodium only…? That shit doesn’t work that way… either stop getting fat, or fucken die I told her today… because that’s the thing that’s going to happen… she’s gonna die if she keeps it up… I hope she isn’t cheating… but I think I scared her enough to actually listen to me and do what I said… no one wants to be in the hospital with needles and shit in your arms… or more surgery… this was a huge life changing reality check for her… I hope she learns from this, and this isn’t one of the first of many trips to the emergency room… even though she’s stupid, she doesn’t deserve all the stuff she went thru… but all of this happened because she didn’t listen to me before… I would always tell here to get on a diet, but she never took me serious… now look at what happens when you eat EVERYTHANG!!... you die…

Oh well… the good thing is that she listens to me, and ask me before she eats anything… I’m proud of her for doing that, but still, she shouldn’t ask me if she could eat that candy or something… that just makes me pissed, and makes her look like a fat ass… LOL… if she wants to cheat, just do it… I’m not your fucken dad… but I am trying to help you out for the better… fuck, no one listens to me… it’s crazy, because I was just telling this to Javier today in the car… there are so many people that would’ve been better off doing what I told them to do… everyone… everyone I know would be happier if they listened… but no one listens to me… it’s weird… like if I’m fucken stupid… or some clueless idiot… i believe that I am smarter than most people I know… I don’t want to bust out with a number, but I am surrounded by idiots… everyone… even my neighbors are dumb… they may know how to do stuff that I don’t, but that does not make them smart… ugh… I have a scab on my eye lid and when I rub it it bleeds… WTF mate…? But anyways… they’re all dumb… I can count on one hand the people that I know who might be smarter than me… LOL… man…

But srsly… I hope my sister gets better, and on track to a better life… shit, we have kids now… if she dies, wtf am I gonna do…? I can’t get married… I’m not going to pretend to be straight and get married with a wench so she can take care of them… I’m over that bullshit… never again… but really, I can’t even imagine what I would do… I’d probably ask a friend to come live with me or something… fuck… what a mind fuck that is… and the sad part is that I wouldn’t call any of my family members to help me… why..? look at the paragraph above… all of them are idiots… wow, I do talk a lot of shit… let me start a new paragraph…


I’ve been going fishing with Javier… good guy, love him as a friend… but I talk way too much shit to him… well to anyone really… I even got into it with some stupid hippies on this chicken forum today because they were stupid… LOL… fuck, I really wish I could’ve talked a lot more shit… fuck them… but I like this forum, and I want to stick around… the chicken hobby is the same as the reptile forum… everyone is nice and polite… not like the reef tank forum… nothing but fucken haters and bitches… srsly… fuck them… fuck reef central… but yes… too much shit I spit… oh well… that’s what i do… I just feel bad for some people… like Javier… I feel like whenever he’s around me I make him feel like shit… I ask him, but he’s like, nah I’m cool… fuck that front… I want to know the truth… right…? If you don’t tell me, I’ll keep going for the kill… why…? Because I’m the devil… and he knows that…

Let me clarify that a bit for you guys… he’s been going thru a Christian drama trip… and I’ve kind of been shooting him some advice… and well, my advice is all about him… whatever I think would make him happiest and help him out the most in the end and in the now… but everything I say makes me sound like I’m some anti-god heathen… for reals… it reminded me of Sean Washington from school… he was this jehova’s witness friend of mine…we would always get into religious debates, and I would always win or make him feel stupid… but man, he would put up a good fight, so I enjoyed those arguments… anyways… one time he told me that he described me to his pastor and his friends at bible study… the pastor told him that I was the devil… LOL… and that he shouldn’t stay away from him, but that he should be careful of the advice I would give him, and not to be fooled by my false guidance… hahahah… like if I was making him walk on hot coals… whatever church brother… LOL… but shit… you don’t know how many times I have been called the devil, or evil by some people…

Did I ever make a post about my god complex, or is it in the actual book…? I think I put it in a book… well… like I told Javier today… I have a severe god complex… I like the feeling of controlling and making everything around me suffer… animals, people, friends, insects… as long as I can, I will… but I’m trying to work with that problem… but still… with people I still harvest the idea and mess with people’s minds that way… I make them buy stuff… I make them think stuff… I sway them to my liking… I contradict their human nature until I win… and I always win… I always get what I want… no matter what it is… damnit all… I am evil… what if I am the devil…? My earthly mission is to come and make everyone around me suffer… either by me telling them that they are dumb, or by making them buy something they don’t want or need… it doesn’t matter… I’ll find a way to make their life un easy… wow… I just realized that I am so freaken awesome… lol… but I have to stop doing this shit… I like my friends… even when they treat me like shit, or piss me off… I wouldn’t trade them for anything else in the world…

the illusions of a class clown... deception of mine...

“Blades of plastic strike the air… it lies to me with its illusion of a wondrous natural wind… it fills me with an un-seeable sensation… all a lie… a gorgeous façade of a place I’ve never been… a paradise… an island with an ocean breeze before casting out… or the top of a mountain basking in the summer winds before setting up camp… the bow of a ship fallowing a pod of dolphins wile whale watching… then I open my eyes… I see the poorly made oscillating fan covered in a thick greasy blanket of filth across the room… the faint but piercing stench of marijuana smoke creeps in through the window behind me… two flies landed on the week old chocolate bar resting on the couch next to me… i stagger to the kitchen with a stale unwrapped candy… the sound of the bar falling into the trash can disturbs the silence in my home… I look down at my shoes... covered in what seems to be blood and ashes I am reminded of the night before… the pain… the suffering… the fear… the sensation of evil… the un explainable events… now knowing my strength, my avarice, my ability… it’s all still sinking in… she could’ve still been here, listening to the silence with me… wondering about my thoughts, my feelings, my fears, my happiness all behind her beautiful smiling face full of life… but that can never be… it’s far too late… I let her go… i gave her a choice, gave her freedom, gave her time away and gave her death… now slowly she will be forgotten in this world piece by piece wile I stay behind to suffer her loss… I will never see you again… I will never feel you again… I will never forget you…“

That is an excerpt of this book I am writing… well… have been writing… that’s probably not the best writing I have ever written… but that one paragraph took me two hours to write… wile I usually take an hour or so for an entire chapter… I don’t understand why it took me so long… and I remember it so well too… a fucken trip… for some reason, I had trouble describing how my character would react at the situation… hmm… for some reason I can describe any situation with minimal effort… but what made me react so strongly with that section of writing…? The entire scenario played out in my head in real time… maybe I had to live it a little to get it going… or maybe a part of me is sunken into that one complex scene of horror and pain…

It seems that I have fallen into another period of depression… I haven’t ridden my bike in almost two weeks… I haven’t been paying attention to any of my pets, or my family… I haven’t been taking much care of myself… I have been shutting people out… I don’t understand why… this weekend is going to be great… filled with friends, family and a pet expo… but it just doesn’t help out… it’s like, a birthday is coming up, but I know that I’m going to spend it alone with no one to congratulate me… I also realized that I am not trying to look for someone to be in a relationship like before… I just don’t make time for it anymore… now I know something is wrong…

Yesterday I was at mike’s house… he’s the only straight married man I ever fell in love with… we watched some show on MTV called “you think you know me”… it’s about a bunch of kids revealing to each other publicly their feelings and darkest secrets… I almost teared up when this gorgeous 18 year old kid named Logan spilled his guts to a group of kids he doesn’t even know… you see, he was the class clown supposedly… he had turret’s, and would make fun/talked shit of all the other kids in the school… he didn’t really break down in tears… but ended up promising the rest that he will stop and change… he even told his retarded stupid group of goobers he calls his friends that he was going to change…

I understand why he felt bad… why..? because I was that class clown… I was that shit talker in school… I was the one that had everyone laughing at anyone else’s misfortune… he said he felt bad when he went home… he had apathy for them… at the end of the day, it would eat him up inside… he felt alone and confused… he was a tortured soul… on the other hand, I don’t have apathy… I never felt bad at the end of the day… i never felt alone… nothing ate me up inside… I was just myself one hundred percent of the time… what does this make me…? Obviously, not a good kid like Logan there… it makes me a monster…. Something that I am ashamed of now… I’m a horrible person… mike said that I throw up a tough guy front… he doesn’t know me… I don’t think anyone does…

How do I have friends then..? Why do they stick around…? I always thought they kept me for their own personal entertainment… like I am some kind of exotic primate that takes people’s feelings and turns them into cheap laughs... even with tough skins, I can still breakthrough for the kill shot… no one is safe from me… I am not saying that I am funny… although, I do think I’m witty… especially online and on the forums… but in person, I can be a heartless fucker… how did I turn into this…? Was the series of events that happened in my life…? Maybe my dad was the same way when he was younger… if that is true, hopefully I will grow out of it… I’m getting tired of being known as a shit talker…

Hmm… now after writing all that up… I’m starting to realize why that paragraph up there from my book is important to me… or… what means for me… now… I doubt I knew the truth when I was writing it… for some reason, it was just hard to write… it took so much out of me… but the scene, the objects in the room… everything… it is me… It’s all me… I am the fan, sitting in the center of the room… covered in dirt, beating up the air and giving the character a false illusion to escape his worries… maybe I mask everyone’s real problems with jokes and laughs… maybe the people that keep me around do use me to make them forget the real world one laugh at a time… maybe I help them out that way…

I am the open candy bar… to me candy is now poison… it just sits on the couch next to him… that is what I have been doing now… just sitting on my couch all day and sit in front of the lap top… some days, I will sit here for hours straight, roaming forums or looking for people to talk shit too… just a big piece of poison on the couch… although a candy satisfies, it also causes harm… but I just sat there un eaten… maybe it has more meaning than that…? Hmm… I have to think about this a bit more later on…

The sound that reminds him of the realm around him… maybe that’s my cry for help… maybe, that is this blog… something loud enough to snap me out of an illusion… maybe there is hope for me… maybe the site of my mother’s eyes was that sound to slap the clown out of him…? Maybe it was my oldest sister to do it…? Maybe after I type this up I will change…? Although I have doubts that will ever happen… but the sound of the candy bar hitting the bottom of the trash can is the most important item in that paragraph… it was more important than the fan, the façade, the candy bar… but what did it start…? Fuck… it started his break down… the realization of the consequences for his actions and decisions…

What does that mean to me..? Am I finally getting eaten inside…? Is this how Logan felt every day when he got home from school…? Can I regret and have apathy to every single person that got their feelings hurt for a laugh…? Shit… I hope not… I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt… I don’t understand it… I doubt I ever will… I have never broken down… I have never shed a tear for something that I have done to someone else… I will never “feel” like I should… I will just keep on living… the monster inside of me is what i am… but what is the façade here…? What validates me as a human being then…? Maybe it’s just the fact that I am suffering now… a monster cannot enjoy life… I now look forward to an answer… a cure… a resolution… a hope for the better… I will change one day… I promise…