i think i'm gonna disable the spam comments filter thing... i miss the death threats and hate mail... so let me know what's on your mind... even if you hate me... i don't care... thx...
For some reason, I’m bummed out… all kinds of bad shit is flowing thru my head… first of all, I’m sick, and didn’t feel like going anywhere today… I just wish I would’ve stayed in my room all day long… I don’t know what it is… I kind of don’t want to get into details… but I’m kind of tired of being me… what’s the use of me being so loud, if no one ever takes my advice or listens to what I have to say… I’ll just start staying quiet…
Fuck… right now I’m listening to my stupid ex-brother in law complaining about my nephew… fuck him, it’s his fault that he’s a horrible father… that shit drives me nuts… why can’t I tell him that all of this shit is caused because he doesn’t know shit about raising a kid..? I actually feel sorry for him… but fuck him… he’s an asshole… that’s why he can’t walk without crutches… karma is a bitch, and he got punished for some reason right…? Look at him… he’s pathetic, and is gonna suffer all his life… I wonder what he did to deserve this… let me think about what I know he’s done… um… one, he sells drugs… he brought drugs into my house once… I hated him for it… we didn’t’ get nothing out of the deal or anything… I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say that I never say I didn’t get involved with dealing drugs… but I did it for a couple of days… but this dude has been doing it for years… Imagine all of the kids that smoke his shit, get sick, or die from his drugs…? That right there deserves to lose the ability to walk like a normal human being…
Another thing, he’s the reason my sister first got into drugs… he drugged her… got her addicted bad… she was lost… started stealing and all kinds of crazy shit for it… and he did it because that way she wouldn’t leave him… that right there makes him the scum of the earth… I hate him for that, and I will never forgive him… it eats the inside of me knowing that he did this to my sister… she went homeless, went in and out of jail a couple of times, and was living in tents on the side of the freeway… she ended up getting with this other loser, and had 4 kids with him this way… the first three were taken away from her… and now they’re mine… not to sound like an asshole, but kids were not in my game plan… I hate kids… but what am I gonna do…? Let these kids get lost in the system and be taken away to some strange houses… fuck that… if someone’s gonna fuck these kids up it’s gonna be my crazy sister and I… LOL…
Part of the worst thing about him is the way he treats my nephew… whenever he comes over my heart drops… his dad can’t take care of him the way we were taken care of… or even the way his dad was taken care of… he had everything when he grew up… but now I see my nephew coming over to my house hungry as fuck… I hate that… that’s one thing that just grinds my gears… it’s so easy to feed your kids… don’t you sell drugs mother fucker…? WTF do you do with the money…? Jeez us… well fuck it… like I say, that’s life… I can’t go around complaining about stuff I can’t do anything about… although I might be able to do something about this… but maybe it’s too late… and I can’t afford to take in a teenager… fuck that jazz… I can barely take care of my teenager lifestyle… amirite…¿
I think I’m going to go nuts soon… I can’t stop thinking about certain shit… like, I really need to start riding my bike again… big time… I lost some muscles in my legs, and chest… that’s what’s bugging me the most… my boobies are all flabby now… LOL… I know I’m not one of those peoples that are all into their looks or body… but having a bit of muscle does kick ass… maybe I should start working out…? Fuck that… LOL… that’s for faggots… and you know it’s true… my dad never went to the gym and he’s a fucken MAN!... hahaha… if I get fit and everything, that would suck… I hear skinny people get cold all fast and I’m not into wearing pants or knitted sweaters casually…
Btw, my dad came over yesterday… he stood the night… seems that he is going thru some shit with his new wife… she left him… he didn’t have an appointment or a valid reason to come over and spend the night, he just came I guess to see us… he wanted to get away… I went to the store with him for a throw rug… he wanted one… so I said, let’s go… he told me that she wanted to go live with her daughter that is going to have a baby… fuck… that’s a poor ass excuse to leave someone… right…? Fuck her then… she took all of the furniture and even his tv and stuff… what a bitch… she’s lucky I don’t go and visit them over in that garbage dump of a country… yeah, they live in Mexico… LOL…
I told him… if she’s old enough to open her hairy legs and get pregnant she could take care of her own spawn herself… but she just wanted to jam I guess… and he shouldn’t feel bad… plus, there are other bitches out there… my dad isn’t ugly, and he’s fucken rolling in money… what dirty Mexican lady isn’t gonna want to suck that man’s dick…? Shiet… he feels like he’s too old… but I told him… if I had his money, I would do the same shit… get some young biatch, buy her some fancy things and fuck her for the time being… amirite…? Why the fuck not… he was like, nah, I’m not like that, wu wu wuu… asjkl;fjasklfsapdfaslkdfjkl; dammit, why can’t people live out their animalistic prowess’s…? we are freaken animals and are supposed to fuck everything that walks… we all suppress the wrong shit…
I feel bad for my dad… he’s in his house all alone with his two dogs… he came and saw my chickens… he loved my mini urban farm… he used to have chickens before I was born in this house… I guess it struck him with nostalgia because he started talking to me about my mother… we said stories and stuff, relaxed outside a bit and went for lunch afterwards… that was a very nice moment… I will remember it forever… it’s a shame it is one of a few times that I can say I enjoyed spending with my father… I wish everything was different… but it’s not… I came out all psychotic and somewhat weird and shit… why couldn’t I be normal and have a normal relationship with my family… dysfunction is the only thing I know… chaos and lament… like a PH13 rated rob zombie flick… with some fail…
I think my dad is going to sell his giant pad in mexico and come back… I hope he does… gets rid of that jack ass roger and I can see him more than just once a month… maybe it’s not too late to have a relationship with my father… I would want to take him fishing, to some farms to pick up some chickens, maybe to a reef event or pet expo… let him see what my passions really are… I hope these aren’t false hopes… what if he comes and it’s just like before… ignoring problems and hours of yelling/pointing fingers…. You wanna know what really sucks…? The fact that I am just like my dad… I’m angry, mean, weird, psycho, and funny… but I’m also social… maybe my dad was social like me once… then he had kids… fuck… LOL… oh well… that’s enough for now… I wonder if james read all of this… leave a comment james and stop lurking… zing!!!...
December 18 2010
So I just opened up Microsoft word and all kinds of people started texting and IM’ing me… bastards… oh well… I just want to start off by saying that I’m going to go back to my OG style of blog… you know… where I just talk all kinds of shit about people or stuff that I hate… I’m tired of people I know going up to me and say shit like, “omg I didn’t know that you blah blah blah…” fuck… I don’t care if you read my blog… but I already typed this mother fucker up… I know what I typed up… I’m not stupid… I’m the one that spent half an hour typing this shit up… I don’t need you or anyone else telling me about it… if you read it just say, hey I read your blog, and I’ll be like… cool… then we’ll start talking about fish or chickens or how much chris cornell fucken sucks… if you do that, mother fucken thank you…
So it’s my birthday… yeah I know… I’m fucken old… twenty and nine years old… what have I done with my life…? Absolutely nothing… LOL… I’m here blogging in the living room… ghost in the shell is on TV… the reef tank is to my left… it’s fucken raining outside and it’s pissing me off… and I think jeff buckley is playing on iTunes… let me check… yep… Dink’s song by jeff buckley off of the live at Sin-e… bomb ass album… everyone reading this should buy they… fuck, I had planned what I was gonna talk about, but I just now forgot… fuck… I feel like shit… just finished eating a giant cupcake… I really shouldn’t have done that… I hate being sick… I wish I was healthier and not so insane… I really should be finding out how I’m going to build this incubator…
I hate the rain… it’s cool… shit grows after it stops ‘cause I don’t’ water my yard or trees… LOL… but I feel like I can’t do shit… I hate it… I can’t build or do stuff outside… just feeding my chickens today was a huge pain in the ass… I want to go to Lancaster too to check out some chickens and maybe bring home a couple… but again… I don’t want to drive so damn far in the rain… anything can happen… no bueno… that’s how horror movies and some gay porn videos start… OMG talking about stupid horror movies… hold on… let me start a new paragraph…
Fuck man… stupid roger… I have never hated anyone more than this fucker… shit… sometimes I feel like poisoning his beers that he has in the fridge… seriously… he was watching the hitcher or something… I guess some movie about a hitch hiker and he kills these people for no fucken reason… how the fuck can you sit in front of a TV to a movie like that… that’s not stupid…? What the fuck is wrong with this retard… seriously… what goes on thru his head… that all of that stuff is cool…? Does he really want to kill someone like that…? By tying them to a semi and a trailer..? maybe he believes that there are people out there that really do go around killing people in some awesome three stooges trickery that they show in these movies… I can talk bad about the movie in front of him, but he will still sit there and watch it… fuck… and when I put on scott pilgrim, or even moon (not the gay vampire one, but the sam Rockwell masterpiece) he walks out of the living room… that a total retard… fuck… did I mention that I hate him and want to poison his beers…?
Shit… I hate stupid people, and god has cursed me with a retard like this for a brother in law… wtf did I do to deserve this…? Is it because I killed all kinds of cats…? I thought god hated cats… HAHAHAHA... enough about god… don’t get me started on that myth… but I really hate this kid… the sad part is that he likes me… he tells nena all of the time that he wishes I would talk to him like before… shiet… he’s a retarded moran… there’s no way I’m going to talk to that retard again… what am I gonna talk about…? All he does is drink beer and listen to rap music… how can you live such an ignorant lifestyle without wondering how life would be if you didn’t get hi/drunk and listen to garbage…? Oh well…
Shit… i didn’t get to put up this entry on time… LOL, I totally forgot about it… nothing important happened, but I just forgot to put it up… might as well start up another one… hold on…
So I was freaken bored today… it’s like Tuesday or something… xmas is this Saturday… I went to home depot to spend some cash on the incubator, and then wanted to swing by walmart to get a salad and some other shit… fucken ay… a quarter of a mile before the parking lot, there was sick traffic… it took me twenty five minutes to reach the parking lot… mother fucken poor Mexican last minute shopping fuckers… damnit… I just got in the parking lot and asked nena what else she wants… she wanted a salad… so I said, fuck that… what the fuck was the entire world doing at that walmart at that time…? It was ridiculous... and all I wanted was a freaken salad… imagine the lines inside the store…? Hells no… there’s no way I was gonna stand in a line surrounded by mutants and mouth breathers… I hate people already, that would’ve just send me over the top… I don’t want to have a heart attack at that store… I hate this store… hate it… I hope it dies… srsly… fuck you walmart, I hope you die forever…
Man, I hate the rain… all of my chickens are soaked… they’re all covered in mud and stuff… it’s stupid… I feel bad for those fuckers, but I’ve been reading threads in BYC and I’m not the only one… seems that us Californians don’t build our coops/pens with rain in mind… c’mon… it only rains like for one or two days straight max, and only several times a year… this thunderstorm is a 7 day system… now everything is fucking up… my roof is leaking, the cages are all warped, the wood expanded… this shit is straight out stupid… all kinds of stuff is ruined… the chicken food is getting wet… it’s horrible… absolutely horrible… I also have to finish my incubator, but I can’t work on it or anything… I also need to calculate everything to see how much this thing is costing me… if it’s less than a bill, I win… even if I don’t hatch shit… LOL… a cheapie piece of shit incubator starts at a bill… and something like mine goes for like 4-6 bills… so far I think I spent 50 bucks on it… I dunno yet… need to crunch numbers…
Well that’s enough of this… I’m getting tired of typing, and don’t have anything more to say… I’m kind of just babbling off here… see you in a couple of days…
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
it's like the world is drinking ipecac and vomiting on me...
For some reason, I’m bummed out… all kinds of bad shit is flowing thru my head… first of all, I’m sick, and didn’t feel like going anywhere today… I just wish I would’ve stayed in my room all day long… I don’t know what it is… I kind of don’t want to get into details… but I’m kind of tired of being me… what’s the use of me being so loud, if no one ever takes my advice or listens to what I have to say… I’ll just start staying quiet…
Fuck… right now I’m listening to my stupid ex-brother in law complaining about my nephew… fuck him, it’s his fault that he’s a horrible father… that shit drives me nuts… why can’t I tell him that all of this shit is caused because he doesn’t know shit about raising a kid..? I actually feel sorry for him… but fuck him… he’s an asshole… that’s why he can’t walk without crutches… karma is a bitch, and he got punished for some reason right…? Look at him… he’s pathetic, and is gonna suffer all his life… I wonder what he did to deserve this… let me think about what I know he’s done… um… one, he sells drugs… he brought drugs into my house once… I hated him for it… we didn’t’ get nothing out of the deal or anything… I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say that I never say I didn’t get involved with dealing drugs… but I did it for a couple of days… but this dude has been doing it for years… Imagine all of the kids that smoke his shit, get sick, or die from his drugs…? That right there deserves to lose the ability to walk like a normal human being…
Another thing, he’s the reason my sister first got into drugs… he drugged her… got her addicted bad… she was lost… started stealing and all kinds of crazy shit for it… and he did it because that way she wouldn’t leave him… that right there makes him the scum of the earth… I hate him for that, and I will never forgive him… it eats the inside of me knowing that he did this to my sister… she went homeless, went in and out of jail a couple of times, and was living in tents on the side of the freeway… she ended up getting with this other loser, and had 4 kids with him this way… the first three were taken away from her… and now they’re mine… not to sound like an asshole, but kids were not in my game plan… I hate kids… but what am I gonna do…? Let these kids get lost in the system and be taken away to some strange houses… fuck that… if someone’s gonna fuck these kids up it’s gonna be my crazy sister and I… LOL…
Part of the worst thing about him is the way he treats my nephew… whenever he comes over my heart drops… his dad can’t take care of him the way we were taken care of… or even the way his dad was taken care of… he had everything when he grew up… but now I see my nephew coming over to my house hungry as fuck… I hate that… that’s one thing that just grinds my gears… it’s so easy to feed your kids… don’t you sell drugs mother fucker…? WTF do you do with the money…? Jeez us… well fuck it… like I say, that’s life… I can’t go around complaining about stuff I can’t do anything about… although I might be able to do something about this… but maybe it’s too late… and I can’t afford to take in a teenager… fuck that jazz… I can barely take care of my teenager lifestyle… amirite…¿
I think I’m going to go nuts soon… I can’t stop thinking about certain shit… like, I really need to start riding my bike again… big time… I lost some muscles in my legs, and chest… that’s what’s bugging me the most… my boobies are all flabby now… LOL… I know I’m not one of those peoples that are all into their looks or body… but having a bit of muscle does kick ass… maybe I should start working out…? Fuck that… LOL… that’s for faggots… and you know it’s true… my dad never went to the gym and he’s a fucken MAN!... hahaha… if I get fit and everything, that would suck… I hear skinny people get cold all fast and I’m not into wearing pants or knitted sweaters casually…
Btw, my dad came over yesterday… he stood the night… seems that he is going thru some shit with his new wife… she left him… he didn’t have an appointment or a valid reason to come over and spend the night, he just came I guess to see us… he wanted to get away… I went to the store with him for a throw rug… he wanted one… so I said, let’s go… he told me that she wanted to go live with her daughter that is going to have a baby… fuck… that’s a poor ass excuse to leave someone… right…? Fuck her then… she took all of the furniture and even his tv and stuff… what a bitch… she’s lucky I don’t go and visit them over in that garbage dump of a country… yeah, they live in Mexico… LOL…
I told him… if she’s old enough to open her hairy legs and get pregnant she could take care of her own spawn herself… but she just wanted to jam I guess… and he shouldn’t feel bad… plus, there are other bitches out there… my dad isn’t ugly, and he’s fucken rolling in money… what dirty Mexican lady isn’t gonna want to suck that man’s dick…? Shiet… he feels like he’s too old… but I told him… if I had his money, I would do the same shit… get some young biatch, buy her some fancy things and fuck her for the time being… amirite…? Why the fuck not… he was like, nah, I’m not like that, wu wu wuu… asjkl;fjasklfsapdfaslkdfjkl; dammit, why can’t people live out their animalistic prowess’s…? we are freaken animals and are supposed to fuck everything that walks… we all suppress the wrong shit…
I feel bad for my dad… he’s in his house all alone with his two dogs… he came and saw my chickens… he loved my mini urban farm… he used to have chickens before I was born in this house… I guess it struck him with nostalgia because he started talking to me about my mother… we said stories and stuff, relaxed outside a bit and went for lunch afterwards… that was a very nice moment… I will remember it forever… it’s a shame it is one of a few times that I can say I enjoyed spending with my father… I wish everything was different… but it’s not… I came out all psychotic and somewhat weird and shit… why couldn’t I be normal and have a normal relationship with my family… dysfunction is the only thing I know… chaos and lament… like a PH13 rated rob zombie flick… with some fail…
I think my dad is going to sell his giant pad in mexico and come back… I hope he does… gets rid of that jack ass roger and I can see him more than just once a month… maybe it’s not too late to have a relationship with my father… I would want to take him fishing, to some farms to pick up some chickens, maybe to a reef event or pet expo… let him see what my passions really are… I hope these aren’t false hopes… what if he comes and it’s just like before… ignoring problems and hours of yelling/pointing fingers…. You wanna know what really sucks…? The fact that I am just like my dad… I’m angry, mean, weird, psycho, and funny… but I’m also social… maybe my dad was social like me once… then he had kids… fuck… LOL… oh well… that’s enough for now… I wonder if james read all of this… leave a comment james and stop lurking… zing!!!...
Fuck… right now I’m listening to my stupid ex-brother in law complaining about my nephew… fuck him, it’s his fault that he’s a horrible father… that shit drives me nuts… why can’t I tell him that all of this shit is caused because he doesn’t know shit about raising a kid..? I actually feel sorry for him… but fuck him… he’s an asshole… that’s why he can’t walk without crutches… karma is a bitch, and he got punished for some reason right…? Look at him… he’s pathetic, and is gonna suffer all his life… I wonder what he did to deserve this… let me think about what I know he’s done… um… one, he sells drugs… he brought drugs into my house once… I hated him for it… we didn’t’ get nothing out of the deal or anything… I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say that I never say I didn’t get involved with dealing drugs… but I did it for a couple of days… but this dude has been doing it for years… Imagine all of the kids that smoke his shit, get sick, or die from his drugs…? That right there deserves to lose the ability to walk like a normal human being…
Another thing, he’s the reason my sister first got into drugs… he drugged her… got her addicted bad… she was lost… started stealing and all kinds of crazy shit for it… and he did it because that way she wouldn’t leave him… that right there makes him the scum of the earth… I hate him for that, and I will never forgive him… it eats the inside of me knowing that he did this to my sister… she went homeless, went in and out of jail a couple of times, and was living in tents on the side of the freeway… she ended up getting with this other loser, and had 4 kids with him this way… the first three were taken away from her… and now they’re mine… not to sound like an asshole, but kids were not in my game plan… I hate kids… but what am I gonna do…? Let these kids get lost in the system and be taken away to some strange houses… fuck that… if someone’s gonna fuck these kids up it’s gonna be my crazy sister and I… LOL…
Part of the worst thing about him is the way he treats my nephew… whenever he comes over my heart drops… his dad can’t take care of him the way we were taken care of… or even the way his dad was taken care of… he had everything when he grew up… but now I see my nephew coming over to my house hungry as fuck… I hate that… that’s one thing that just grinds my gears… it’s so easy to feed your kids… don’t you sell drugs mother fucker…? WTF do you do with the money…? Jeez us… well fuck it… like I say, that’s life… I can’t go around complaining about stuff I can’t do anything about… although I might be able to do something about this… but maybe it’s too late… and I can’t afford to take in a teenager… fuck that jazz… I can barely take care of my teenager lifestyle… amirite…¿
I think I’m going to go nuts soon… I can’t stop thinking about certain shit… like, I really need to start riding my bike again… big time… I lost some muscles in my legs, and chest… that’s what’s bugging me the most… my boobies are all flabby now… LOL… I know I’m not one of those peoples that are all into their looks or body… but having a bit of muscle does kick ass… maybe I should start working out…? Fuck that… LOL… that’s for faggots… and you know it’s true… my dad never went to the gym and he’s a fucken MAN!... hahaha… if I get fit and everything, that would suck… I hear skinny people get cold all fast and I’m not into wearing pants or knitted sweaters casually…
Btw, my dad came over yesterday… he stood the night… seems that he is going thru some shit with his new wife… she left him… he didn’t have an appointment or a valid reason to come over and spend the night, he just came I guess to see us… he wanted to get away… I went to the store with him for a throw rug… he wanted one… so I said, let’s go… he told me that she wanted to go live with her daughter that is going to have a baby… fuck… that’s a poor ass excuse to leave someone… right…? Fuck her then… she took all of the furniture and even his tv and stuff… what a bitch… she’s lucky I don’t go and visit them over in that garbage dump of a country… yeah, they live in Mexico… LOL…
I told him… if she’s old enough to open her hairy legs and get pregnant she could take care of her own spawn herself… but she just wanted to jam I guess… and he shouldn’t feel bad… plus, there are other bitches out there… my dad isn’t ugly, and he’s fucken rolling in money… what dirty Mexican lady isn’t gonna want to suck that man’s dick…? Shiet… he feels like he’s too old… but I told him… if I had his money, I would do the same shit… get some young biatch, buy her some fancy things and fuck her for the time being… amirite…? Why the fuck not… he was like, nah, I’m not like that, wu wu wuu… asjkl;fjasklfsapdfaslkdfjkl; dammit, why can’t people live out their animalistic prowess’s…? we are freaken animals and are supposed to fuck everything that walks… we all suppress the wrong shit…
I feel bad for my dad… he’s in his house all alone with his two dogs… he came and saw my chickens… he loved my mini urban farm… he used to have chickens before I was born in this house… I guess it struck him with nostalgia because he started talking to me about my mother… we said stories and stuff, relaxed outside a bit and went for lunch afterwards… that was a very nice moment… I will remember it forever… it’s a shame it is one of a few times that I can say I enjoyed spending with my father… I wish everything was different… but it’s not… I came out all psychotic and somewhat weird and shit… why couldn’t I be normal and have a normal relationship with my family… dysfunction is the only thing I know… chaos and lament… like a PH13 rated rob zombie flick… with some fail…
I think my dad is going to sell his giant pad in mexico and come back… I hope he does… gets rid of that jack ass roger and I can see him more than just once a month… maybe it’s not too late to have a relationship with my father… I would want to take him fishing, to some farms to pick up some chickens, maybe to a reef event or pet expo… let him see what my passions really are… I hope these aren’t false hopes… what if he comes and it’s just like before… ignoring problems and hours of yelling/pointing fingers…. You wanna know what really sucks…? The fact that I am just like my dad… I’m angry, mean, weird, psycho, and funny… but I’m also social… maybe my dad was social like me once… then he had kids… fuck… LOL… oh well… that’s enough for now… I wonder if james read all of this… leave a comment james and stop lurking… zing!!!...
Monday, November 15, 2010
am i the surviving twin, or just a spawn from hell...? and i have chickens... LOL...
Yeah, I know I haven’t been doing this “blog” thingy enough… whatever… I just forget and shit… sometimes I feel like doing it with my cell phone, but WTF am I going to be doing sitting in a car or something typing up my blog… that’s pretty teh fails… well, let’s start off with what I’ve been into… you know me… I’m always changing my lifestyle or hobbies… LOL…
Well… I still have my bike… but I haven’t used it in like… months… LOL… I still have my fish tank… but I haven’t done a water change in like… months… LOL… I still have my leopard geckos… I heard them… and I’m going to to get MOAR like in… days… LOL… but the thing i gotten into lately is chickens… yeah I know… fucken weird amirite…? I never thought I would get chickens… I always said I wanted chickens, and roosters are so FTMFW but man… I have a shitload now… I just wanted one… it started off because jose got a pair… I was like, man he looks cool, but then that fucker said hold him… FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH… he was such a cool bird… so kick ass, and super tame… I fell in love… so later that week I converted my old pigeon coop into a chicken coop… it was easy… just moved the stick from the top to the middle, and got a new feeder… LOL… so I got my first bird… he’s a crele old English game bantam… so a miniature fighting rooster… he was cool but lonely… so I got him a hen… fuck… I ended up getting him like ten hens… LOL… now I have 19 chickens total… four roosters and four different breeds of chickens… I ♥ them so bad…
Let’s switch it up a bit… as some of you guys know, my sister was in emergency and got a pace maker put on… I yelled at her today about her eating… she is still trying to eat sweets and shit… she doesn’t know why I have her on such a strict diet… fuck… she was like… the doctor said I should be on a low sodium diet… so I snapped at her today… WTF does she want…? Does she still want to get fat, but hold the sodium only…? That shit doesn’t work that way… either stop getting fat, or fucken die I told her today… because that’s the thing that’s going to happen… she’s gonna die if she keeps it up… I hope she isn’t cheating… but I think I scared her enough to actually listen to me and do what I said… no one wants to be in the hospital with needles and shit in your arms… or more surgery… this was a huge life changing reality check for her… I hope she learns from this, and this isn’t one of the first of many trips to the emergency room… even though she’s stupid, she doesn’t deserve all the stuff she went thru… but all of this happened because she didn’t listen to me before… I would always tell here to get on a diet, but she never took me serious… now look at what happens when you eat EVERYTHANG!!... you die…
Oh well… the good thing is that she listens to me, and ask me before she eats anything… I’m proud of her for doing that, but still, she shouldn’t ask me if she could eat that candy or something… that just makes me pissed, and makes her look like a fat ass… LOL… if she wants to cheat, just do it… I’m not your fucken dad… but I am trying to help you out for the better… fuck, no one listens to me… it’s crazy, because I was just telling this to Javier today in the car… there are so many people that would’ve been better off doing what I told them to do… everyone… everyone I know would be happier if they listened… but no one listens to me… it’s weird… like if I’m fucken stupid… or some clueless idiot… i believe that I am smarter than most people I know… I don’t want to bust out with a number, but I am surrounded by idiots… everyone… even my neighbors are dumb… they may know how to do stuff that I don’t, but that does not make them smart… ugh… I have a scab on my eye lid and when I rub it it bleeds… WTF mate…? But anyways… they’re all dumb… I can count on one hand the people that I know who might be smarter than me… LOL… man…
But srsly… I hope my sister gets better, and on track to a better life… shit, we have kids now… if she dies, wtf am I gonna do…? I can’t get married… I’m not going to pretend to be straight and get married with a wench so she can take care of them… I’m over that bullshit… never again… but really, I can’t even imagine what I would do… I’d probably ask a friend to come live with me or something… fuck… what a mind fuck that is… and the sad part is that I wouldn’t call any of my family members to help me… why..? look at the paragraph above… all of them are idiots… wow, I do talk a lot of shit… let me start a new paragraph…
I’ve been going fishing with Javier… good guy, love him as a friend… but I talk way too much shit to him… well to anyone really… I even got into it with some stupid hippies on this chicken forum today because they were stupid… LOL… fuck, I really wish I could’ve talked a lot more shit… fuck them… but I like this forum, and I want to stick around… the chicken hobby is the same as the reptile forum… everyone is nice and polite… not like the reef tank forum… nothing but fucken haters and bitches… srsly… fuck them… fuck reef central… but yes… too much shit I spit… oh well… that’s what i do… I just feel bad for some people… like Javier… I feel like whenever he’s around me I make him feel like shit… I ask him, but he’s like, nah I’m cool… fuck that front… I want to know the truth… right…? If you don’t tell me, I’ll keep going for the kill… why…? Because I’m the devil… and he knows that…
Let me clarify that a bit for you guys… he’s been going thru a Christian drama trip… and I’ve kind of been shooting him some advice… and well, my advice is all about him… whatever I think would make him happiest and help him out the most in the end and in the now… but everything I say makes me sound like I’m some anti-god heathen… for reals… it reminded me of Sean Washington from school… he was this jehova’s witness friend of mine…we would always get into religious debates, and I would always win or make him feel stupid… but man, he would put up a good fight, so I enjoyed those arguments… anyways… one time he told me that he described me to his pastor and his friends at bible study… the pastor told him that I was the devil… LOL… and that he shouldn’t stay away from him, but that he should be careful of the advice I would give him, and not to be fooled by my false guidance… hahahah… like if I was making him walk on hot coals… whatever church brother… LOL… but shit… you don’t know how many times I have been called the devil, or evil by some people…
Did I ever make a post about my god complex, or is it in the actual book…? I think I put it in a book… well… like I told Javier today… I have a severe god complex… I like the feeling of controlling and making everything around me suffer… animals, people, friends, insects… as long as I can, I will… but I’m trying to work with that problem… but still… with people I still harvest the idea and mess with people’s minds that way… I make them buy stuff… I make them think stuff… I sway them to my liking… I contradict their human nature until I win… and I always win… I always get what I want… no matter what it is… damnit all… I am evil… what if I am the devil…? My earthly mission is to come and make everyone around me suffer… either by me telling them that they are dumb, or by making them buy something they don’t want or need… it doesn’t matter… I’ll find a way to make their life un easy… wow… I just realized that I am so freaken awesome… lol… but I have to stop doing this shit… I like my friends… even when they treat me like shit, or piss me off… I wouldn’t trade them for anything else in the world…
Well… I still have my bike… but I haven’t used it in like… months… LOL… I still have my fish tank… but I haven’t done a water change in like… months… LOL… I still have my leopard geckos… I heard them… and I’m going to to get MOAR like in… days… LOL… but the thing i gotten into lately is chickens… yeah I know… fucken weird amirite…? I never thought I would get chickens… I always said I wanted chickens, and roosters are so FTMFW but man… I have a shitload now… I just wanted one… it started off because jose got a pair… I was like, man he looks cool, but then that fucker said hold him… FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH… he was such a cool bird… so kick ass, and super tame… I fell in love… so later that week I converted my old pigeon coop into a chicken coop… it was easy… just moved the stick from the top to the middle, and got a new feeder… LOL… so I got my first bird… he’s a crele old English game bantam… so a miniature fighting rooster… he was cool but lonely… so I got him a hen… fuck… I ended up getting him like ten hens… LOL… now I have 19 chickens total… four roosters and four different breeds of chickens… I ♥ them so bad…
Let’s switch it up a bit… as some of you guys know, my sister was in emergency and got a pace maker put on… I yelled at her today about her eating… she is still trying to eat sweets and shit… she doesn’t know why I have her on such a strict diet… fuck… she was like… the doctor said I should be on a low sodium diet… so I snapped at her today… WTF does she want…? Does she still want to get fat, but hold the sodium only…? That shit doesn’t work that way… either stop getting fat, or fucken die I told her today… because that’s the thing that’s going to happen… she’s gonna die if she keeps it up… I hope she isn’t cheating… but I think I scared her enough to actually listen to me and do what I said… no one wants to be in the hospital with needles and shit in your arms… or more surgery… this was a huge life changing reality check for her… I hope she learns from this, and this isn’t one of the first of many trips to the emergency room… even though she’s stupid, she doesn’t deserve all the stuff she went thru… but all of this happened because she didn’t listen to me before… I would always tell here to get on a diet, but she never took me serious… now look at what happens when you eat EVERYTHANG!!... you die…
Oh well… the good thing is that she listens to me, and ask me before she eats anything… I’m proud of her for doing that, but still, she shouldn’t ask me if she could eat that candy or something… that just makes me pissed, and makes her look like a fat ass… LOL… if she wants to cheat, just do it… I’m not your fucken dad… but I am trying to help you out for the better… fuck, no one listens to me… it’s crazy, because I was just telling this to Javier today in the car… there are so many people that would’ve been better off doing what I told them to do… everyone… everyone I know would be happier if they listened… but no one listens to me… it’s weird… like if I’m fucken stupid… or some clueless idiot… i believe that I am smarter than most people I know… I don’t want to bust out with a number, but I am surrounded by idiots… everyone… even my neighbors are dumb… they may know how to do stuff that I don’t, but that does not make them smart… ugh… I have a scab on my eye lid and when I rub it it bleeds… WTF mate…? But anyways… they’re all dumb… I can count on one hand the people that I know who might be smarter than me… LOL… man…
But srsly… I hope my sister gets better, and on track to a better life… shit, we have kids now… if she dies, wtf am I gonna do…? I can’t get married… I’m not going to pretend to be straight and get married with a wench so she can take care of them… I’m over that bullshit… never again… but really, I can’t even imagine what I would do… I’d probably ask a friend to come live with me or something… fuck… what a mind fuck that is… and the sad part is that I wouldn’t call any of my family members to help me… why..? look at the paragraph above… all of them are idiots… wow, I do talk a lot of shit… let me start a new paragraph…
I’ve been going fishing with Javier… good guy, love him as a friend… but I talk way too much shit to him… well to anyone really… I even got into it with some stupid hippies on this chicken forum today because they were stupid… LOL… fuck, I really wish I could’ve talked a lot more shit… fuck them… but I like this forum, and I want to stick around… the chicken hobby is the same as the reptile forum… everyone is nice and polite… not like the reef tank forum… nothing but fucken haters and bitches… srsly… fuck them… fuck reef central… but yes… too much shit I spit… oh well… that’s what i do… I just feel bad for some people… like Javier… I feel like whenever he’s around me I make him feel like shit… I ask him, but he’s like, nah I’m cool… fuck that front… I want to know the truth… right…? If you don’t tell me, I’ll keep going for the kill… why…? Because I’m the devil… and he knows that…
Let me clarify that a bit for you guys… he’s been going thru a Christian drama trip… and I’ve kind of been shooting him some advice… and well, my advice is all about him… whatever I think would make him happiest and help him out the most in the end and in the now… but everything I say makes me sound like I’m some anti-god heathen… for reals… it reminded me of Sean Washington from school… he was this jehova’s witness friend of mine…we would always get into religious debates, and I would always win or make him feel stupid… but man, he would put up a good fight, so I enjoyed those arguments… anyways… one time he told me that he described me to his pastor and his friends at bible study… the pastor told him that I was the devil… LOL… and that he shouldn’t stay away from him, but that he should be careful of the advice I would give him, and not to be fooled by my false guidance… hahahah… like if I was making him walk on hot coals… whatever church brother… LOL… but shit… you don’t know how many times I have been called the devil, or evil by some people…
Did I ever make a post about my god complex, or is it in the actual book…? I think I put it in a book… well… like I told Javier today… I have a severe god complex… I like the feeling of controlling and making everything around me suffer… animals, people, friends, insects… as long as I can, I will… but I’m trying to work with that problem… but still… with people I still harvest the idea and mess with people’s minds that way… I make them buy stuff… I make them think stuff… I sway them to my liking… I contradict their human nature until I win… and I always win… I always get what I want… no matter what it is… damnit all… I am evil… what if I am the devil…? My earthly mission is to come and make everyone around me suffer… either by me telling them that they are dumb, or by making them buy something they don’t want or need… it doesn’t matter… I’ll find a way to make their life un easy… wow… I just realized that I am so freaken awesome… lol… but I have to stop doing this shit… I like my friends… even when they treat me like shit, or piss me off… I wouldn’t trade them for anything else in the world…
Friday, September 17, 2010
the worst thursday of my life... or maybe just a close call...
this happened too me thursday... fucken nuts...
i got an email about 9am and that woke me up... i looked at my phone and it said that the president of our local reef aquarium club daughter passed away this morning... i got out of bed and ran to the computer... fuck... she was like four months old or something... so there are a couple of threads on RC and shit... so all morning, that's all we talked about... on the forums, on the cell, text, aim everything... shit... it was horrible news and it spread like wildfire...
so anyways... since i think saturday, my right testicle started hurting... it hurt like i sat on it or hit it somehow... fuck... so whatever... monday it went away and i drove to palmdale to help a friend pick up an engine for his 61... the day after, fuck... my testicle hurt, but the pain went all the way up to my belt area... it fucken hurt pretty bad... so i talked to a couple of friends and one dude that lifts weights said it was a hernia, and it will go away eventually... so i relaxed a bit... i thought it was testicular torsion at first... FUCK!...
so today, i woke up feeling all right down there... but after i took my dump before my shower... FUCKEN AY!... man... it was horrible... also... this is kind of embarrassing and weird... but after i finished pissing, it felt like i just finished busting a nut... and it felt like i was actually nutting still... i looked down, and semen was coming out of my junk... WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!...
so that shit scared me... i jumped in the shower, and i could hardly move... it hurt so damn bad... when i got out of the shower, i sat on the toilet, and couldn't get dressed... jose texted me to see how i was feeling, and i almost told him to come help me put my boxers on... yeah, that bad... fucken ay... so after i got dressed, i took another pain pill and nothing, the pain was still there... so then i asked a couple of people, and decided to go to the emergency room...
jose took me... we get there, and i'm like... you could jam if you want... but he stuck around for a while... i filled out some paper work, and asked me a ton of questions... took my stats and stuff... then i sat back down... i got called again to finish filling out the paper work since i'm not insured and crap... then i went back to the waiting room with jose and had lizard/reef chat for another long while... then i went to get an ultrasound on my balls and stuffs...
the guy was like... strip down, lay on the bed and cover yourself with this towel... i was like... okay... i didn't know he was on his way out, i just got naked all fast... LOL... so i got on the table and he handed me a towel... told me to grab my penis with the towel and hold it up towards my belly... he puts the cold jelly all over and begins... fuck... it kind of hurt... i was trying to talk to him, but he was trying to ignore me... I asked him how everything looked, but he said that he doesn’t read the pictures he just takes them… i even asked him if he could tell me the sex of the baby, and he didn't find it funny at all... jack ass...
so i suit up and head back out to the waiting room... i got there and looked for jose, but he had left... he called me because my phone didn't work once i went to through the waiting room doors... he told me he left because he doesn't have a window on the driver's side and doesn't trust the area... i said cool, and thanks for taking me... this guy is my best friend... i'm not gonna lie... i felt like crying when i told him thanks... my own sister didn't want to go with me or even take me...
he told me that they had called my name to go in to see the doctor... i go into the other room where all the nurses are... and i had a seat... while i was sitting there, they lost one young guy, and they brought in an old man that was all fucked up... man... i was there by myself, and there was so much pain and suffering around me... i got scared... i felt alone... i never felt like that before in my life... i broke down... all kinds of thoughts were going thru my head… man i felt like crying… then i went into the room, changed into one of those robe thingies, and sat in the room... the nurse came in and asked me more questions... left and said that the doctor would come in right away...
a little while later, the EMT dudes bring in this senior dude... i guess he was getting dialysis and tore out the IV on his arm and was bleeding like crazy... he kept saying that he couldn't see out of one eye... the nurse said that he had alzheimer's, some schizo, dementia, and just old... fuck.. i sat there and wondered if i was going to be the same when i get older... my dad has some schizo in him, and my memory already sucks... my diabetes is under control right now, but anything could happen... i was there with him by myself... that sucked... he was trying to cover himself with his jacket, so i gave him my blanket... i just sat there all cold and full of fear...
the doctor finally came in about 30 minutes after the nurse left... i told him everything, and he started to fondle me up... lol... i made a joke about it, and he blushed... i said that my boyfriend was going to get mad if he left some lipstick there... HAHAHA... so he poked my stomach and other parts, and i told him it freaken hurts... he asked me how i would rate my pain, and i told him 9.5... he was like... how can it be that bad and you have a smile... i was like... look at me... i have a huge tolerance for pain... i rather sit here and smile under the all the sweat than scream like a retard... LOL... he left and i was introduced to new nurse since they switched shifts... after she left, i was alone for another 20 minutes...
i layed back in the cold and tried to fall asleep... all i could think of was death... i can hear someone flatlining and them pounding them back to life... the springs in the mattress are loud... fuck... so much death and pain... it sucks... i felt alone again... then i heard a knock and i erika knocking on the window outside my room... she came to visit... she started making jokes and stuff, but i was just happy to see her... the doctor came back in and then told me that they found nothing wrong with the ultrasound or urine test... that maybe it's just a kidney stone moving along, or i pulled/strained a muscle somehow... WTF...?
he sent erika out, and i said... how could this be that... i fucken peed out sperm today... check me some more... so he gave me a different hernia test, and still said that he didn't feel it... so i made him feel what i feel, and i was like... don't you feel that...? then i realized i'm holding my robe up and telling this doctor to feel all kinds of places on my junk and i might look insane... but dude... it just didn't make sense... then he told me that when he was younger, he would get testicle pains just like mine... they never found out what it was, or why... but they just stopped after a couple of years... fuck... like if that was supposed to make me feel better...
he told me to get dressed and said he'll prescribe me some antibiotics and pain killers... just in case i get more pains or if it's an infection they haven't identified... what a waste of day... i got dressed and i turned my phone back on... i text all my friends that knew i was in emergency that i had testicular cancer and it traveled to my intestines, so the doctor gave me 6 months to live... lol... they knew i was fucking around... none of them believed me... hahaha... so my friend's sister took me home... fuck... what an experience...
on the ride home i was still in pain... i also felt cheated for some reason... i didn't get an answer... i never go to the doctors unless i can't stand the pain... and usually they tell me exactly what it is... but not this time... i guess i prepared myself for the worst... i had accepted the fact that i might have tumors or testicular cancer... i was like... if they cut one off, oh well... i'll live... or if i had a hernia, i would have to hire someone to do waterchanges on my reef tank for half a year... but now i'm just sitting here in pain with no clue what it is... i personally think the cause is some diet pills i've been taking... jose has been giving them to me... the first set of pills i remember pains every time i would ejaculate... a couple of times it came out all watery and it was the first nut... after i ran out of pills, i went back to normal... now that i'm almost done with a new bottle, it started up again... so i'm going to stop taking them ASAP!...
so now i'm here... i have been talking to a couple of my friends, and telling them everything... fuck... i freaken peed out sperm... that was the weirdest thing i have ever felt or been through... fuck... i'm tired... when i got home, i was kind of sad that my sister was just here watching the dodger game, while i was scared as fuck in an emergency room... jose and erika did more for me than my own family... fuck... i love my friends... they are my brother and sister… don't know what i'd do without them...
i got to go... if you read all that thanks for reading... i'm going to go feed my animals and probably try to sleep in my room... my life sucks so bad right now... all kinds of shit is just building up... i thought last year was going to be the worst and this one would be better but damn... i can't believe how fucked up my life gets sometimes... i feel like a failure...
i got an email about 9am and that woke me up... i looked at my phone and it said that the president of our local reef aquarium club daughter passed away this morning... i got out of bed and ran to the computer... fuck... she was like four months old or something... so there are a couple of threads on RC and shit... so all morning, that's all we talked about... on the forums, on the cell, text, aim everything... shit... it was horrible news and it spread like wildfire...
so anyways... since i think saturday, my right testicle started hurting... it hurt like i sat on it or hit it somehow... fuck... so whatever... monday it went away and i drove to palmdale to help a friend pick up an engine for his 61... the day after, fuck... my testicle hurt, but the pain went all the way up to my belt area... it fucken hurt pretty bad... so i talked to a couple of friends and one dude that lifts weights said it was a hernia, and it will go away eventually... so i relaxed a bit... i thought it was testicular torsion at first... FUCK!...
so today, i woke up feeling all right down there... but after i took my dump before my shower... FUCKEN AY!... man... it was horrible... also... this is kind of embarrassing and weird... but after i finished pissing, it felt like i just finished busting a nut... and it felt like i was actually nutting still... i looked down, and semen was coming out of my junk... WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!...
so that shit scared me... i jumped in the shower, and i could hardly move... it hurt so damn bad... when i got out of the shower, i sat on the toilet, and couldn't get dressed... jose texted me to see how i was feeling, and i almost told him to come help me put my boxers on... yeah, that bad... fucken ay... so after i got dressed, i took another pain pill and nothing, the pain was still there... so then i asked a couple of people, and decided to go to the emergency room...
jose took me... we get there, and i'm like... you could jam if you want... but he stuck around for a while... i filled out some paper work, and asked me a ton of questions... took my stats and stuff... then i sat back down... i got called again to finish filling out the paper work since i'm not insured and crap... then i went back to the waiting room with jose and had lizard/reef chat for another long while... then i went to get an ultrasound on my balls and stuffs...
the guy was like... strip down, lay on the bed and cover yourself with this towel... i was like... okay... i didn't know he was on his way out, i just got naked all fast... LOL... so i got on the table and he handed me a towel... told me to grab my penis with the towel and hold it up towards my belly... he puts the cold jelly all over and begins... fuck... it kind of hurt... i was trying to talk to him, but he was trying to ignore me... I asked him how everything looked, but he said that he doesn’t read the pictures he just takes them… i even asked him if he could tell me the sex of the baby, and he didn't find it funny at all... jack ass...
so i suit up and head back out to the waiting room... i got there and looked for jose, but he had left... he called me because my phone didn't work once i went to through the waiting room doors... he told me he left because he doesn't have a window on the driver's side and doesn't trust the area... i said cool, and thanks for taking me... this guy is my best friend... i'm not gonna lie... i felt like crying when i told him thanks... my own sister didn't want to go with me or even take me...
he told me that they had called my name to go in to see the doctor... i go into the other room where all the nurses are... and i had a seat... while i was sitting there, they lost one young guy, and they brought in an old man that was all fucked up... man... i was there by myself, and there was so much pain and suffering around me... i got scared... i felt alone... i never felt like that before in my life... i broke down... all kinds of thoughts were going thru my head… man i felt like crying… then i went into the room, changed into one of those robe thingies, and sat in the room... the nurse came in and asked me more questions... left and said that the doctor would come in right away...
a little while later, the EMT dudes bring in this senior dude... i guess he was getting dialysis and tore out the IV on his arm and was bleeding like crazy... he kept saying that he couldn't see out of one eye... the nurse said that he had alzheimer's, some schizo, dementia, and just old... fuck.. i sat there and wondered if i was going to be the same when i get older... my dad has some schizo in him, and my memory already sucks... my diabetes is under control right now, but anything could happen... i was there with him by myself... that sucked... he was trying to cover himself with his jacket, so i gave him my blanket... i just sat there all cold and full of fear...
the doctor finally came in about 30 minutes after the nurse left... i told him everything, and he started to fondle me up... lol... i made a joke about it, and he blushed... i said that my boyfriend was going to get mad if he left some lipstick there... HAHAHA... so he poked my stomach and other parts, and i told him it freaken hurts... he asked me how i would rate my pain, and i told him 9.5... he was like... how can it be that bad and you have a smile... i was like... look at me... i have a huge tolerance for pain... i rather sit here and smile under the all the sweat than scream like a retard... LOL... he left and i was introduced to new nurse since they switched shifts... after she left, i was alone for another 20 minutes...
i layed back in the cold and tried to fall asleep... all i could think of was death... i can hear someone flatlining and them pounding them back to life... the springs in the mattress are loud... fuck... so much death and pain... it sucks... i felt alone again... then i heard a knock and i erika knocking on the window outside my room... she came to visit... she started making jokes and stuff, but i was just happy to see her... the doctor came back in and then told me that they found nothing wrong with the ultrasound or urine test... that maybe it's just a kidney stone moving along, or i pulled/strained a muscle somehow... WTF...?
he sent erika out, and i said... how could this be that... i fucken peed out sperm today... check me some more... so he gave me a different hernia test, and still said that he didn't feel it... so i made him feel what i feel, and i was like... don't you feel that...? then i realized i'm holding my robe up and telling this doctor to feel all kinds of places on my junk and i might look insane... but dude... it just didn't make sense... then he told me that when he was younger, he would get testicle pains just like mine... they never found out what it was, or why... but they just stopped after a couple of years... fuck... like if that was supposed to make me feel better...
he told me to get dressed and said he'll prescribe me some antibiotics and pain killers... just in case i get more pains or if it's an infection they haven't identified... what a waste of day... i got dressed and i turned my phone back on... i text all my friends that knew i was in emergency that i had testicular cancer and it traveled to my intestines, so the doctor gave me 6 months to live... lol... they knew i was fucking around... none of them believed me... hahaha... so my friend's sister took me home... fuck... what an experience...
on the ride home i was still in pain... i also felt cheated for some reason... i didn't get an answer... i never go to the doctors unless i can't stand the pain... and usually they tell me exactly what it is... but not this time... i guess i prepared myself for the worst... i had accepted the fact that i might have tumors or testicular cancer... i was like... if they cut one off, oh well... i'll live... or if i had a hernia, i would have to hire someone to do waterchanges on my reef tank for half a year... but now i'm just sitting here in pain with no clue what it is... i personally think the cause is some diet pills i've been taking... jose has been giving them to me... the first set of pills i remember pains every time i would ejaculate... a couple of times it came out all watery and it was the first nut... after i ran out of pills, i went back to normal... now that i'm almost done with a new bottle, it started up again... so i'm going to stop taking them ASAP!...
so now i'm here... i have been talking to a couple of my friends, and telling them everything... fuck... i freaken peed out sperm... that was the weirdest thing i have ever felt or been through... fuck... i'm tired... when i got home, i was kind of sad that my sister was just here watching the dodger game, while i was scared as fuck in an emergency room... jose and erika did more for me than my own family... fuck... i love my friends... they are my brother and sister… don't know what i'd do without them...
i got to go... if you read all that thanks for reading... i'm going to go feed my animals and probably try to sleep in my room... my life sucks so bad right now... all kinds of shit is just building up... i thought last year was going to be the worst and this one would be better but damn... i can't believe how fucked up my life gets sometimes... i feel like a failure...
Thursday, August 05, 2010
the illusions of a class clown... deception of mine...
“Blades of plastic strike the air… it lies to me with its illusion of a wondrous natural wind… it fills me with an un-seeable sensation… all a lie… a gorgeous façade of a place I’ve never been… a paradise… an island with an ocean breeze before casting out… or the top of a mountain basking in the summer winds before setting up camp… the bow of a ship fallowing a pod of dolphins wile whale watching… then I open my eyes… I see the poorly made oscillating fan covered in a thick greasy blanket of filth across the room… the faint but piercing stench of marijuana smoke creeps in through the window behind me… two flies landed on the week old chocolate bar resting on the couch next to me… i stagger to the kitchen with a stale unwrapped candy… the sound of the bar falling into the trash can disturbs the silence in my home… I look down at my shoes... covered in what seems to be blood and ashes I am reminded of the night before… the pain… the suffering… the fear… the sensation of evil… the un explainable events… now knowing my strength, my avarice, my ability… it’s all still sinking in… she could’ve still been here, listening to the silence with me… wondering about my thoughts, my feelings, my fears, my happiness all behind her beautiful smiling face full of life… but that can never be… it’s far too late… I let her go… i gave her a choice, gave her freedom, gave her time away and gave her death… now slowly she will be forgotten in this world piece by piece wile I stay behind to suffer her loss… I will never see you again… I will never feel you again… I will never forget you…“
That is an excerpt of this book I am writing… well… have been writing… that’s probably not the best writing I have ever written… but that one paragraph took me two hours to write… wile I usually take an hour or so for an entire chapter… I don’t understand why it took me so long… and I remember it so well too… a fucken trip… for some reason, I had trouble describing how my character would react at the situation… hmm… for some reason I can describe any situation with minimal effort… but what made me react so strongly with that section of writing…? The entire scenario played out in my head in real time… maybe I had to live it a little to get it going… or maybe a part of me is sunken into that one complex scene of horror and pain…
It seems that I have fallen into another period of depression… I haven’t ridden my bike in almost two weeks… I haven’t been paying attention to any of my pets, or my family… I haven’t been taking much care of myself… I have been shutting people out… I don’t understand why… this weekend is going to be great… filled with friends, family and a pet expo… but it just doesn’t help out… it’s like, a birthday is coming up, but I know that I’m going to spend it alone with no one to congratulate me… I also realized that I am not trying to look for someone to be in a relationship like before… I just don’t make time for it anymore… now I know something is wrong…
Yesterday I was at mike’s house… he’s the only straight married man I ever fell in love with… we watched some show on MTV called “you think you know me”… it’s about a bunch of kids revealing to each other publicly their feelings and darkest secrets… I almost teared up when this gorgeous 18 year old kid named Logan spilled his guts to a group of kids he doesn’t even know… you see, he was the class clown supposedly… he had turret’s, and would make fun/talked shit of all the other kids in the school… he didn’t really break down in tears… but ended up promising the rest that he will stop and change… he even told his retarded stupid group of goobers he calls his friends that he was going to change…
I understand why he felt bad… why..? because I was that class clown… I was that shit talker in school… I was the one that had everyone laughing at anyone else’s misfortune… he said he felt bad when he went home… he had apathy for them… at the end of the day, it would eat him up inside… he felt alone and confused… he was a tortured soul… on the other hand, I don’t have apathy… I never felt bad at the end of the day… i never felt alone… nothing ate me up inside… I was just myself one hundred percent of the time… what does this make me…? Obviously, not a good kid like Logan there… it makes me a monster…. Something that I am ashamed of now… I’m a horrible person… mike said that I throw up a tough guy front… he doesn’t know me… I don’t think anyone does…
How do I have friends then..? Why do they stick around…? I always thought they kept me for their own personal entertainment… like I am some kind of exotic primate that takes people’s feelings and turns them into cheap laughs... even with tough skins, I can still breakthrough for the kill shot… no one is safe from me… I am not saying that I am funny… although, I do think I’m witty… especially online and on the forums… but in person, I can be a heartless fucker… how did I turn into this…? Was the series of events that happened in my life…? Maybe my dad was the same way when he was younger… if that is true, hopefully I will grow out of it… I’m getting tired of being known as a shit talker…
Hmm… now after writing all that up… I’m starting to realize why that paragraph up there from my book is important to me… or… what means for me… now… I doubt I knew the truth when I was writing it… for some reason, it was just hard to write… it took so much out of me… but the scene, the objects in the room… everything… it is me… It’s all me… I am the fan, sitting in the center of the room… covered in dirt, beating up the air and giving the character a false illusion to escape his worries… maybe I mask everyone’s real problems with jokes and laughs… maybe the people that keep me around do use me to make them forget the real world one laugh at a time… maybe I help them out that way…
I am the open candy bar… to me candy is now poison… it just sits on the couch next to him… that is what I have been doing now… just sitting on my couch all day and sit in front of the lap top… some days, I will sit here for hours straight, roaming forums or looking for people to talk shit too… just a big piece of poison on the couch… although a candy satisfies, it also causes harm… but I just sat there un eaten… maybe it has more meaning than that…? Hmm… I have to think about this a bit more later on…
The sound that reminds him of the realm around him… maybe that’s my cry for help… maybe, that is this blog… something loud enough to snap me out of an illusion… maybe there is hope for me… maybe the site of my mother’s eyes was that sound to slap the clown out of him…? Maybe it was my oldest sister to do it…? Maybe after I type this up I will change…? Although I have doubts that will ever happen… but the sound of the candy bar hitting the bottom of the trash can is the most important item in that paragraph… it was more important than the fan, the façade, the candy bar… but what did it start…? Fuck… it started his break down… the realization of the consequences for his actions and decisions…
What does that mean to me..? Am I finally getting eaten inside…? Is this how Logan felt every day when he got home from school…? Can I regret and have apathy to every single person that got their feelings hurt for a laugh…? Shit… I hope not… I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt… I don’t understand it… I doubt I ever will… I have never broken down… I have never shed a tear for something that I have done to someone else… I will never “feel” like I should… I will just keep on living… the monster inside of me is what i am… but what is the façade here…? What validates me as a human being then…? Maybe it’s just the fact that I am suffering now… a monster cannot enjoy life… I now look forward to an answer… a cure… a resolution… a hope for the better… I will change one day… I promise…
That is an excerpt of this book I am writing… well… have been writing… that’s probably not the best writing I have ever written… but that one paragraph took me two hours to write… wile I usually take an hour or so for an entire chapter… I don’t understand why it took me so long… and I remember it so well too… a fucken trip… for some reason, I had trouble describing how my character would react at the situation… hmm… for some reason I can describe any situation with minimal effort… but what made me react so strongly with that section of writing…? The entire scenario played out in my head in real time… maybe I had to live it a little to get it going… or maybe a part of me is sunken into that one complex scene of horror and pain…
It seems that I have fallen into another period of depression… I haven’t ridden my bike in almost two weeks… I haven’t been paying attention to any of my pets, or my family… I haven’t been taking much care of myself… I have been shutting people out… I don’t understand why… this weekend is going to be great… filled with friends, family and a pet expo… but it just doesn’t help out… it’s like, a birthday is coming up, but I know that I’m going to spend it alone with no one to congratulate me… I also realized that I am not trying to look for someone to be in a relationship like before… I just don’t make time for it anymore… now I know something is wrong…
Yesterday I was at mike’s house… he’s the only straight married man I ever fell in love with… we watched some show on MTV called “you think you know me”… it’s about a bunch of kids revealing to each other publicly their feelings and darkest secrets… I almost teared up when this gorgeous 18 year old kid named Logan spilled his guts to a group of kids he doesn’t even know… you see, he was the class clown supposedly… he had turret’s, and would make fun/talked shit of all the other kids in the school… he didn’t really break down in tears… but ended up promising the rest that he will stop and change… he even told his retarded stupid group of goobers he calls his friends that he was going to change…
I understand why he felt bad… why..? because I was that class clown… I was that shit talker in school… I was the one that had everyone laughing at anyone else’s misfortune… he said he felt bad when he went home… he had apathy for them… at the end of the day, it would eat him up inside… he felt alone and confused… he was a tortured soul… on the other hand, I don’t have apathy… I never felt bad at the end of the day… i never felt alone… nothing ate me up inside… I was just myself one hundred percent of the time… what does this make me…? Obviously, not a good kid like Logan there… it makes me a monster…. Something that I am ashamed of now… I’m a horrible person… mike said that I throw up a tough guy front… he doesn’t know me… I don’t think anyone does…
How do I have friends then..? Why do they stick around…? I always thought they kept me for their own personal entertainment… like I am some kind of exotic primate that takes people’s feelings and turns them into cheap laughs... even with tough skins, I can still breakthrough for the kill shot… no one is safe from me… I am not saying that I am funny… although, I do think I’m witty… especially online and on the forums… but in person, I can be a heartless fucker… how did I turn into this…? Was the series of events that happened in my life…? Maybe my dad was the same way when he was younger… if that is true, hopefully I will grow out of it… I’m getting tired of being known as a shit talker…
Hmm… now after writing all that up… I’m starting to realize why that paragraph up there from my book is important to me… or… what means for me… now… I doubt I knew the truth when I was writing it… for some reason, it was just hard to write… it took so much out of me… but the scene, the objects in the room… everything… it is me… It’s all me… I am the fan, sitting in the center of the room… covered in dirt, beating up the air and giving the character a false illusion to escape his worries… maybe I mask everyone’s real problems with jokes and laughs… maybe the people that keep me around do use me to make them forget the real world one laugh at a time… maybe I help them out that way…
I am the open candy bar… to me candy is now poison… it just sits on the couch next to him… that is what I have been doing now… just sitting on my couch all day and sit in front of the lap top… some days, I will sit here for hours straight, roaming forums or looking for people to talk shit too… just a big piece of poison on the couch… although a candy satisfies, it also causes harm… but I just sat there un eaten… maybe it has more meaning than that…? Hmm… I have to think about this a bit more later on…
The sound that reminds him of the realm around him… maybe that’s my cry for help… maybe, that is this blog… something loud enough to snap me out of an illusion… maybe there is hope for me… maybe the site of my mother’s eyes was that sound to slap the clown out of him…? Maybe it was my oldest sister to do it…? Maybe after I type this up I will change…? Although I have doubts that will ever happen… but the sound of the candy bar hitting the bottom of the trash can is the most important item in that paragraph… it was more important than the fan, the façade, the candy bar… but what did it start…? Fuck… it started his break down… the realization of the consequences for his actions and decisions…
What does that mean to me..? Am I finally getting eaten inside…? Is this how Logan felt every day when he got home from school…? Can I regret and have apathy to every single person that got their feelings hurt for a laugh…? Shit… I hope not… I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt… I don’t understand it… I doubt I ever will… I have never broken down… I have never shed a tear for something that I have done to someone else… I will never “feel” like I should… I will just keep on living… the monster inside of me is what i am… but what is the façade here…? What validates me as a human being then…? Maybe it’s just the fact that I am suffering now… a monster cannot enjoy life… I now look forward to an answer… a cure… a resolution… a hope for the better… I will change one day… I promise…
Thursday, July 22, 2010
hate mail again... LOLLERBOATZ...
Yeah yeah yeah… I slowed down a bit… big whoop… I’ve just haven’t taken the time to sit here and write a decent blog since there’s so much shit going on in the forums… mostly bicycle forums… I’m getting a lot more serious with the road bike thing, and bicycle racing…
So anyways… lol… a little white ago I went to go pick up my fuji road bike from performance bikes… they are all the way in Torrance… fuck, there was epic traffic… I got my bike, got a new back light flasher… the old one was run over by some Asian lady over in asuza… never riding thru that stretch of street again… so whatever… I’m in my car watching out for the police and I get an email on my phone… I get to a red light and this is what it says…
He’s referring to my last post… wait… let me read it again, I don’t remember it......... there I read it… oh fuck… Erika wants to go fishing right now… shit… should I take my laptop…?? I’ll look like a total lop if I do… HAHAHKDsfj;slajfdksl… oh wait… I just got a text… I think she wants to go tomorrow… anyways…
So this “randy” decides to give me his opinion… fuck it… he’s entitled to it… so I’m leaving it on… I’m going to save it with the file of hate mail I have been getting for a wile now… it seems that people on reef central don’t like me… especially those that don’t know me personally… it’s all cool… like he says… I am a rough and coarse… so what… but I think I’m just witty, clever, funny and smarter than half of those haters on that board… I believe it’s a fact… no one has ever come up to my face and told me in person what they think about me… why…? Because they are haters… and scared… I don’t know why they would be scared… in person, I don’t think I give off a dangerous persona or look threatening… they just don’t want to look like haters in public…
Now back to my blog post… yeah I was mad…I was venting… I was punked and treated like shit that day by “friends” so I was just having a hard time with that… fuck… when my friends need something, I’m the first one they call… why..? because I always come thru… when I need a favor, I have to struggle to find a ride, or don’t end up accomplishing what I want to do because of that… it sucks… it’s ridiculous, but I guess that’s life… I’m way too nice to my friends…
So back on the subject… randy… LOL… If he’s a local reefer, I will bump into him one day… I’ll find out who his is… I have his IP address, and can ask a mod at my local forums to give me his email… i’m not going to go out of my way to look for him… but I’m just making sure if his name is really randy or not… there’s no randy at SCRK… I just checked on the group email peter sends out… it has all of our names… I wouldn’t doubt if he is in SCRK… there are two people in the club right now that have it in for me… one is kim… he gave me red bugs and tried to do me dirty on a coral deal… he gave everyone in the club reef bugs, and didn’t have the decency to let anyone know he had it… so I told everyone and he got himself banned from two forums because of that… another is eric… I didn’t defend him when everyone was talking shit about him… LOL… shit… I don’t know him… fucker didn’t want to shake my hand at the meeting when I introduced myself…I was offended by that… that was rude and disrespectful… but that was it… if he has beef with me oh well… I take it all how it comes…
This is also one of the only times I’ve ever been called a douche… that’s tight… a first… i don’t think I’m a douche… I’m down to earth, and say it how it is… he’s also wrong about friends not wanting to kick it with me… i get invited EVERYWHERE!!!... cris called me up today and asked me if I wanted to go to a black crowes concert with him… this will be the 7th concert he treats me to, and the 15th I’ve been treated to so far… I don’t think anyone would want to take a douche to a concert with them… especially since the tickets are over 100 bucks face value… a huge “I’m not a douche” point is the reef keeping… I’ve been doing this for over three years now… when I do have something for sale online or somewhere, once the person Is at my pad, I usually end up giving them something for free, or just charging them half price… if they become my friend, in the future I will just give them stuff for free… fuck it… they’re my friends…
Okay… now I’m going to switch up the platica over here… I grow tired of this randy… plus, I wouldn’t want to dedicate an entire blog post to him… his little hate post isn’t going to disrupt me in one bit… my life will still go on… I’m still typing on my brand new high end laptop, next to all my LE corals in my reef tank with my feet on top of my full carbon fiber road bike… shit… I should probably take my feet off of it… I don’t want to chip it or crack the frame… well… they aren’t that sensitive, but it is just money I don’t want to spend… my bike looks awesome right now too… I got a new bad ass rear light blinker… it has a bright half watt LED… I should be like jose and point it up to blind riders behind me… jack ass… that shit stings… hahahha…
This Saturday we are planning a 35 mile loop to arcadia and back… well not we really… agui and jose did… they called it their own tour de sewer… hahaha… this is going to be the farthest agui has ever ridden with us… pretty cool… I don’t know if he will hang though… he hasn’t gone with us in weeks… we’ll see… I started shaving my head with a razor blade… it sucks, but I feel great… kind of hurts… I started getting razor bumps… I blamed the helmet and sweat… but mike and that drunken gangster dude said it’s because of the heat… I’m not used to it… I just hope I get used to it fast… I want to maintain this look… I think it fits me now… I’m working out a little more, getting my “man” face and have some gay beard growing that hides my double chin… LOL…
I love Microsoft word BTW… this just rocks… office 2010 is a huge leap over 2007 or whatever I had on my last laptop… fuck… I also love the snap feature from windows 7… I can browse the web and do this at once… woo hoo… live can’t get better than this… looks like we just planned a fishing trip tomorrow at 5am… sigh… I’m not a morning person at all… but fuck it… I think erika’s mom and dad are going to go… this should be epic fun… and I might take my laptop… well… if we don’t go to the rocks I will… pier fishing rocks… rock fishing is the fail sometimes… you lose your weights, get stuck on the bottom… jskldjfas;djsa… it just sucks…
I also want to talk about this kid that stays at pepper’s pad… he’s cool… I met him because he found out I do body piercings on the side… so I pierced his lip… so he’s been coming over… seems like his dad is with this chic I know as peewee… she’s one of those daughters of a drug dealer that had everything, and now she wants to flaunt what she doesn’t’ have… married this guy that has a teenage son… and now treats him like shit… fuck… it pisses me off… whenever they get into a fight they bring his name up in the fight… poor kid… I feel like he is a little slow… he’s in a punk band and is nervous to be around people… scared to say the wrong thing and everything… one time he came over looking for me, and told my sister nena what was going on… he started crying and telling her that his dad doesn’t defend him when she talks shit about him… fuck…
How horrible can one person be…? Honestly… he’s had a rough life… his mother died, he got kicked out of school, kicks it with the rough crowd, and has no guidance what so ever… I think his girlfriend is pregnant… she’s a beautiful young woman… I’ve seen her… and it’s a trip because he’s kind of ugly and well… doesn’t have a personality that I would think can get such a pretty girlfriend… well… sure showed me… anyways… he comes over and starts asking me about piercing his whole face up and tattoos… I had to talk him out of them… I know it’s money for me, but I don’t want him to ruin his opportunities so early in life… so I think I’m going to be taking him with me to different places that I go… maybe some of my wisdom or influence will rub off on him… I told him not to drink… he didn’t believe that I don’t drink or do any sort of drugs… shit… I know I look crazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid… hahaha…
Well… that’s it for now… I’ll write when I come back from walmart, but won’t post it up any time soon… I already know the next topic… anyways… lates… and subscribe… now that I have word, it’s going to be way easier for me to blog on the laptop or on the phone… WooT WooT!... btw... this is 1,784 words...
So anyways… lol… a little white ago I went to go pick up my fuji road bike from performance bikes… they are all the way in Torrance… fuck, there was epic traffic… I got my bike, got a new back light flasher… the old one was run over by some Asian lady over in asuza… never riding thru that stretch of street again… so whatever… I’m in my car watching out for the police and I get an email on my phone… I get to a red light and this is what it says…
Try not being a jack ass that works for some people. I've seen you on the forums and you're a douche. People don't want to hang out with douche bags. Like you said you're rough and coarse. I'm sure you'd have a easier time attracting bees with piss and vinegar then you would making new friends. Change your smart ass attitude that would be a step in the right direction
He’s referring to my last post… wait… let me read it again, I don’t remember it......... there I read it… oh fuck… Erika wants to go fishing right now… shit… should I take my laptop…?? I’ll look like a total lop if I do… HAHAHKDsfj;slajfdksl… oh wait… I just got a text… I think she wants to go tomorrow… anyways…
So this “randy” decides to give me his opinion… fuck it… he’s entitled to it… so I’m leaving it on… I’m going to save it with the file of hate mail I have been getting for a wile now… it seems that people on reef central don’t like me… especially those that don’t know me personally… it’s all cool… like he says… I am a rough and coarse… so what… but I think I’m just witty, clever, funny and smarter than half of those haters on that board… I believe it’s a fact… no one has ever come up to my face and told me in person what they think about me… why…? Because they are haters… and scared… I don’t know why they would be scared… in person, I don’t think I give off a dangerous persona or look threatening… they just don’t want to look like haters in public…
Now back to my blog post… yeah I was mad…I was venting… I was punked and treated like shit that day by “friends” so I was just having a hard time with that… fuck… when my friends need something, I’m the first one they call… why..? because I always come thru… when I need a favor, I have to struggle to find a ride, or don’t end up accomplishing what I want to do because of that… it sucks… it’s ridiculous, but I guess that’s life… I’m way too nice to my friends…
So back on the subject… randy… LOL… If he’s a local reefer, I will bump into him one day… I’ll find out who his is… I have his IP address, and can ask a mod at my local forums to give me his email… i’m not going to go out of my way to look for him… but I’m just making sure if his name is really randy or not… there’s no randy at SCRK… I just checked on the group email peter sends out… it has all of our names… I wouldn’t doubt if he is in SCRK… there are two people in the club right now that have it in for me… one is kim… he gave me red bugs and tried to do me dirty on a coral deal… he gave everyone in the club reef bugs, and didn’t have the decency to let anyone know he had it… so I told everyone and he got himself banned from two forums because of that… another is eric… I didn’t defend him when everyone was talking shit about him… LOL… shit… I don’t know him… fucker didn’t want to shake my hand at the meeting when I introduced myself…I was offended by that… that was rude and disrespectful… but that was it… if he has beef with me oh well… I take it all how it comes…
This is also one of the only times I’ve ever been called a douche… that’s tight… a first… i don’t think I’m a douche… I’m down to earth, and say it how it is… he’s also wrong about friends not wanting to kick it with me… i get invited EVERYWHERE!!!... cris called me up today and asked me if I wanted to go to a black crowes concert with him… this will be the 7th concert he treats me to, and the 15th I’ve been treated to so far… I don’t think anyone would want to take a douche to a concert with them… especially since the tickets are over 100 bucks face value… a huge “I’m not a douche” point is the reef keeping… I’ve been doing this for over three years now… when I do have something for sale online or somewhere, once the person Is at my pad, I usually end up giving them something for free, or just charging them half price… if they become my friend, in the future I will just give them stuff for free… fuck it… they’re my friends…
Okay… now I’m going to switch up the platica over here… I grow tired of this randy… plus, I wouldn’t want to dedicate an entire blog post to him… his little hate post isn’t going to disrupt me in one bit… my life will still go on… I’m still typing on my brand new high end laptop, next to all my LE corals in my reef tank with my feet on top of my full carbon fiber road bike… shit… I should probably take my feet off of it… I don’t want to chip it or crack the frame… well… they aren’t that sensitive, but it is just money I don’t want to spend… my bike looks awesome right now too… I got a new bad ass rear light blinker… it has a bright half watt LED… I should be like jose and point it up to blind riders behind me… jack ass… that shit stings… hahahha…
This Saturday we are planning a 35 mile loop to arcadia and back… well not we really… agui and jose did… they called it their own tour de sewer… hahaha… this is going to be the farthest agui has ever ridden with us… pretty cool… I don’t know if he will hang though… he hasn’t gone with us in weeks… we’ll see… I started shaving my head with a razor blade… it sucks, but I feel great… kind of hurts… I started getting razor bumps… I blamed the helmet and sweat… but mike and that drunken gangster dude said it’s because of the heat… I’m not used to it… I just hope I get used to it fast… I want to maintain this look… I think it fits me now… I’m working out a little more, getting my “man” face and have some gay beard growing that hides my double chin… LOL…
I love Microsoft word BTW… this just rocks… office 2010 is a huge leap over 2007 or whatever I had on my last laptop… fuck… I also love the snap feature from windows 7… I can browse the web and do this at once… woo hoo… live can’t get better than this… looks like we just planned a fishing trip tomorrow at 5am… sigh… I’m not a morning person at all… but fuck it… I think erika’s mom and dad are going to go… this should be epic fun… and I might take my laptop… well… if we don’t go to the rocks I will… pier fishing rocks… rock fishing is the fail sometimes… you lose your weights, get stuck on the bottom… jskldjfas;djsa… it just sucks…
I also want to talk about this kid that stays at pepper’s pad… he’s cool… I met him because he found out I do body piercings on the side… so I pierced his lip… so he’s been coming over… seems like his dad is with this chic I know as peewee… she’s one of those daughters of a drug dealer that had everything, and now she wants to flaunt what she doesn’t’ have… married this guy that has a teenage son… and now treats him like shit… fuck… it pisses me off… whenever they get into a fight they bring his name up in the fight… poor kid… I feel like he is a little slow… he’s in a punk band and is nervous to be around people… scared to say the wrong thing and everything… one time he came over looking for me, and told my sister nena what was going on… he started crying and telling her that his dad doesn’t defend him when she talks shit about him… fuck…
How horrible can one person be…? Honestly… he’s had a rough life… his mother died, he got kicked out of school, kicks it with the rough crowd, and has no guidance what so ever… I think his girlfriend is pregnant… she’s a beautiful young woman… I’ve seen her… and it’s a trip because he’s kind of ugly and well… doesn’t have a personality that I would think can get such a pretty girlfriend… well… sure showed me… anyways… he comes over and starts asking me about piercing his whole face up and tattoos… I had to talk him out of them… I know it’s money for me, but I don’t want him to ruin his opportunities so early in life… so I think I’m going to be taking him with me to different places that I go… maybe some of my wisdom or influence will rub off on him… I told him not to drink… he didn’t believe that I don’t drink or do any sort of drugs… shit… I know I look crazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid… hahaha…
Well… that’s it for now… I’ll write when I come back from walmart, but won’t post it up any time soon… I already know the next topic… anyways… lates… and subscribe… now that I have word, it’s going to be way easier for me to blog on the laptop or on the phone… WooT WooT!... btw... this is 1,784 words...
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
give up reef keeping, or give up friends... hmmmmm...
haven't done this in a wile... i've been wanting too, but i just been putting it off... i've been having a lot of tough times and need to get some srs shit off my chest... i don't know if i want to make some stuff publik, but oh well... i'm gonna have to live with it... never stopped me before... lol... let's see if i get in trouble or lose a friend or two...
you wanna know what i did today...? i cleaned diego's half of the room and threw away some of his shit... fuck him... who the hell does he think he is..? i don't understand where the fuck this dude comes from... i gave him a place to stay, hardly ever paid rent, i defended him for an entire year, and when he left... he just left all of his JUNK over here... fuck... this shit is so fucked up... i have a bunch of his shit still there... i'm thinking about just selling whatever i can, and throwing away the rest... as a matter of fact, when i'm done with this i'm going to trash all of his clothes... true story... i'm that pissed off... i treat a lot of people with respect and friend them as much as i can... and only a couple of them throw some of that love back at me... or none at all... i'm not digging that shit... what trips me out is that i'm no the nicest person on the block... you know... i'm a very rough and course individual... but if you're my friend, i'm going to treat you like one...
right now i'm going to start rethinking my views and everything around me... especially who my real friends are... what sucks is that there's not a lot of them to speak of... sigh... but i couple of them need a reality check... or maybe some time away from them... but one thing is for certain... i need more friends... i'm used to having a ton of friends... always gone and going places... right now all of them are either doing their own shit, or acting like self centered jack asses... so i'm going to do something super drastic... i still don't know what that means... time out sounds good, but maybe cutting them loose would also work out for me... it wouldn't be the first time i do this... to me friends are expendable... especially if they're going to be using me and treating me like shit...
i really want to find a riding buddy... i'm getting tired of the "i don't feel like it" attitude and just staying home... fuck that... i paid serious cash for that bike and all the kit... i feel like a jack ass not using it... so either i'm going by myself, or i really need to find someone else to go with me... i might put an ad on craigslist... see what results i get... but i think it's going to take a wile to find someone... until then i'm just going by myself.... shit... i'm not scared... and i'm an all right rider now... not like before... i got it down kind of good... i just know it's an expensive hobby... i don't think i can afford what i want to do... but i'll see... just like everything else, i'll make it happen somehow...
another thing that's on my mind is i'm thinking about just getting rid of my reef tank... that's right... all of it... sounds nuts... but it might just happen... i don't know what it is... but i'm just not enjoying it like before... it's fucked up... but i think i'm starting to hate it... well i think that i just hate some of my tank right now... like my sand and rock work... i think by changing rock work and taking out all my sand it might make me happy for a wile... maybe only a wile... then after that what's gonna happen..? i dunno... i night just sell everything for a couple of bills or end up giving it away... who the fuck is gonna want to buy my wack ass setup...? fuck... i'm so bummed out right now... it's not that bad, it's just that there are some shits i have to rethink... like... do i really want to do the tank thing all my life..? i know that i'm going to be riding for a couple of years... i have plans for my bike and future bike... and future rides... maybe i might just switch primary hobbies... fuck...
you know what sucks and i just realized it right now...? is the fact that i don't have a friend i could tell my problems too, or even talk to about a bunch of shit that is fucking me up... like right now... there's not a person in the world i could call and just spill my guts too... fuck... why not..? it's not fair... and it's not cool... fuck... here i am ranting on a blog, pretending to watch pokemon on the tv, and sitting next to my reef tank... and i just realized that i don't have a real friend to help me out when i need it... fuck... now i feel more like shit... lol... man... what am i gonna do now..? is this just how it's going to be all my life...? that would really suck, but it might be true... this is probably why i write my books and blog my thoughts... oh, well... i guess i should sleep... i'm going to wake up earlier than i have been and gonna go for a solo ride to the bike shop, then to the trail to el monte... fuck everyone else...
well i'm outs... gonna try to blog more tomorrow... i have move, but i'm way too tired... good nite...
you wanna know what i did today...? i cleaned diego's half of the room and threw away some of his shit... fuck him... who the hell does he think he is..? i don't understand where the fuck this dude comes from... i gave him a place to stay, hardly ever paid rent, i defended him for an entire year, and when he left... he just left all of his JUNK over here... fuck... this shit is so fucked up... i have a bunch of his shit still there... i'm thinking about just selling whatever i can, and throwing away the rest... as a matter of fact, when i'm done with this i'm going to trash all of his clothes... true story... i'm that pissed off... i treat a lot of people with respect and friend them as much as i can... and only a couple of them throw some of that love back at me... or none at all... i'm not digging that shit... what trips me out is that i'm no the nicest person on the block... you know... i'm a very rough and course individual... but if you're my friend, i'm going to treat you like one...
right now i'm going to start rethinking my views and everything around me... especially who my real friends are... what sucks is that there's not a lot of them to speak of... sigh... but i couple of them need a reality check... or maybe some time away from them... but one thing is for certain... i need more friends... i'm used to having a ton of friends... always gone and going places... right now all of them are either doing their own shit, or acting like self centered jack asses... so i'm going to do something super drastic... i still don't know what that means... time out sounds good, but maybe cutting them loose would also work out for me... it wouldn't be the first time i do this... to me friends are expendable... especially if they're going to be using me and treating me like shit...
i really want to find a riding buddy... i'm getting tired of the "i don't feel like it" attitude and just staying home... fuck that... i paid serious cash for that bike and all the kit... i feel like a jack ass not using it... so either i'm going by myself, or i really need to find someone else to go with me... i might put an ad on craigslist... see what results i get... but i think it's going to take a wile to find someone... until then i'm just going by myself.... shit... i'm not scared... and i'm an all right rider now... not like before... i got it down kind of good... i just know it's an expensive hobby... i don't think i can afford what i want to do... but i'll see... just like everything else, i'll make it happen somehow...
another thing that's on my mind is i'm thinking about just getting rid of my reef tank... that's right... all of it... sounds nuts... but it might just happen... i don't know what it is... but i'm just not enjoying it like before... it's fucked up... but i think i'm starting to hate it... well i think that i just hate some of my tank right now... like my sand and rock work... i think by changing rock work and taking out all my sand it might make me happy for a wile... maybe only a wile... then after that what's gonna happen..? i dunno... i night just sell everything for a couple of bills or end up giving it away... who the fuck is gonna want to buy my wack ass setup...? fuck... i'm so bummed out right now... it's not that bad, it's just that there are some shits i have to rethink... like... do i really want to do the tank thing all my life..? i know that i'm going to be riding for a couple of years... i have plans for my bike and future bike... and future rides... maybe i might just switch primary hobbies... fuck...
you know what sucks and i just realized it right now...? is the fact that i don't have a friend i could tell my problems too, or even talk to about a bunch of shit that is fucking me up... like right now... there's not a person in the world i could call and just spill my guts too... fuck... why not..? it's not fair... and it's not cool... fuck... here i am ranting on a blog, pretending to watch pokemon on the tv, and sitting next to my reef tank... and i just realized that i don't have a real friend to help me out when i need it... fuck... now i feel more like shit... lol... man... what am i gonna do now..? is this just how it's going to be all my life...? that would really suck, but it might be true... this is probably why i write my books and blog my thoughts... oh, well... i guess i should sleep... i'm going to wake up earlier than i have been and gonna go for a solo ride to the bike shop, then to the trail to el monte... fuck everyone else...
well i'm outs... gonna try to blog more tomorrow... i have move, but i'm way too tired... good nite...
Monday, April 12, 2010
disclaimers, dad and the weather... let's discuss they...
first off... some drama happened because of my last post on here... look... i really don't care if anybody got mad or anything... i know that this is public and anyone could see it... but that's why i hardly ever talk about my blog in the "real" world... everything that i post here is 100% the truth... it's how i think, feel, want, everything... i have absolute nothing to hide... i am a man but before that a human being... i need somewhere to vent and let the anguish out sometimes... since i'm single i blog it... if you read it and your name comes out I DON'T CARE!!!... srsly... if you confront me on this i will say it to your face... but since i don't condone drama, i keep it to myself or on here...
now the entire story i heard reeks of suspicious behavior... all kinds of possibilities came up wile on the phone with jose... maybe i shouldn't put them on here because i'm pretty sure they are going to be read... but like i said... i don't care... let me make the epic episode short... i wrote an insult, friend read it before, "somehow" friend showed it to person i insulted... okay... all kinds of things went off in my head... why would it come up after they knew i insulted them... sigh... you know what... i'll just sum it up really quick... i think this will result in more drama... i HATE drama... that's for women... srsly... me being a man hates drama... that's why i'm gay... women are 100% drama... even if they are cool and chill, i have no tolerance for drama... fuck... it's stupid and waste everyone's breath and time...
this past weekend my dad came to visit... until late last year i didn't speak to my dad for 5 years or more... it was 100% my choice, and i had good reasons for it... it also taught him a lesson... before i would tell him my status and he would always think i was lieing... never gave me the benefit of the doubt... the worst part is that he hates liars like me... so i figured that he somehow really believes that i am a liar and hates me too... so i just stood away from him... i didn't ask about him, never saw him nothing... just cut him out of my life... until he asked for me one day saying that he wanted to apologize... so whatever... now i've been seeing him and going places with him... but it's still like whatever...
this time he came over i actually got to look at him and have a real conversation... i learned that i am just like him... from the conspiracy theories, hatred towards liars, thieves and retards... and sicknesses... i also have diabetes like him... but he doesn't know... i don't want to tell him... but now i noticed that he really old... i'm really old... i can see the silence that used to be his personality and life... his charm and grace has dulled down... he is growing old and dieing slowly... i have come to notice that i don't have much time to spend with him now... and everytime he comes to visit it's a huge risk for him... he drives more than an hour from tijuana to LA once a month... at his age and status it is a huge risk factor...
after our conversation i gave him a hug and a kiss... he told me he loves me and now i know he means it... since i can remember, he used to buy my love... i would get mad, and he would go out and buy me a new game or toy... that's just how it always was... once i hit highschool and went on a spiritual/life voyage living on the streets i changed my way of thinking... i got mad at him for buying my affection with materialistic things... things that he could just go out and buy me to make me happy... i started to hate him... he didn't love me... there was no love there... when i picked up the guitar all he did was destroy my desire to play... he threw me out... once i did leave, he begged me to come back, but i thought... fuck... he threw me out... all of my assumptions should be fact... and i left...
i advocate not to buy children's love... after realizing the trick, that love grew into hate... it is false love... now that he hugged me back and told me he loves me, all of that hate was gone... i don't know where it is... gone... now when he comes i get sad... seeing him old and brittle depresses me... was i wrong to not seeing him for all this time...? when he would come to visit and leave, would he get sad for not seeing me...? all this time did he hurt because i wasn't there to give him a hug and a kiss...? fuck... i am a terrible person for that... worst thing anyone could do... but i didn't know right...? sigh... i hope i didn't...
i have to get my passport and driver's license soon... he wants me to go drive and pick him up for his appointments... i have to do it... even though i have no drive or ambition for any of that... it has to be done... i owe him big time... but i still wish he could've been more involved in my life... but now as i'm getting older, i see why he couldn't... he was 43 when i was born... he couldn't take me to the park and play football like gabriel's dad... or teach me how to ride a bike... or drive across the county so i could play a hockey game... he was either too tired or at work... fuck... he just couldn't do any of that stuff... so he did the only thing he possibly could to make me smile...
fuck... today is a horrible day to write this post... the weather is all fucked up, and it's bumming me out... for some reason i'm very depressed... i have been for a wile now... maybe since i saw my dad... this weekend i scored a rare coral that i have never seen before... and i'm not as happy as when i got my bubblegum monster chalice or red planet acro... i should be but i'm not... my sister coyo is right here next to me watching tv with the kids... i should be enjoying these moments... but i'm not... jose wanted me to go check out some fish at a homies house and i didn't feel like it... bruce invited me to go have dinner with him and googles... yet here i am typing this shit up... i would've gone in a heart beat... googles is super cute and will be my man one day... hahaha...
the laughter is abbreviated to an unused acronym... lost in the clouds and pushed away by the 15mph winds outside... well i'm done... i'll make another one tomorrow or so... lates...
now the entire story i heard reeks of suspicious behavior... all kinds of possibilities came up wile on the phone with jose... maybe i shouldn't put them on here because i'm pretty sure they are going to be read... but like i said... i don't care... let me make the epic episode short... i wrote an insult, friend read it before, "somehow" friend showed it to person i insulted... okay... all kinds of things went off in my head... why would it come up after they knew i insulted them... sigh... you know what... i'll just sum it up really quick... i think this will result in more drama... i HATE drama... that's for women... srsly... me being a man hates drama... that's why i'm gay... women are 100% drama... even if they are cool and chill, i have no tolerance for drama... fuck... it's stupid and waste everyone's breath and time...
this past weekend my dad came to visit... until late last year i didn't speak to my dad for 5 years or more... it was 100% my choice, and i had good reasons for it... it also taught him a lesson... before i would tell him my status and he would always think i was lieing... never gave me the benefit of the doubt... the worst part is that he hates liars like me... so i figured that he somehow really believes that i am a liar and hates me too... so i just stood away from him... i didn't ask about him, never saw him nothing... just cut him out of my life... until he asked for me one day saying that he wanted to apologize... so whatever... now i've been seeing him and going places with him... but it's still like whatever...
this time he came over i actually got to look at him and have a real conversation... i learned that i am just like him... from the conspiracy theories, hatred towards liars, thieves and retards... and sicknesses... i also have diabetes like him... but he doesn't know... i don't want to tell him... but now i noticed that he really old... i'm really old... i can see the silence that used to be his personality and life... his charm and grace has dulled down... he is growing old and dieing slowly... i have come to notice that i don't have much time to spend with him now... and everytime he comes to visit it's a huge risk for him... he drives more than an hour from tijuana to LA once a month... at his age and status it is a huge risk factor...
after our conversation i gave him a hug and a kiss... he told me he loves me and now i know he means it... since i can remember, he used to buy my love... i would get mad, and he would go out and buy me a new game or toy... that's just how it always was... once i hit highschool and went on a spiritual/life voyage living on the streets i changed my way of thinking... i got mad at him for buying my affection with materialistic things... things that he could just go out and buy me to make me happy... i started to hate him... he didn't love me... there was no love there... when i picked up the guitar all he did was destroy my desire to play... he threw me out... once i did leave, he begged me to come back, but i thought... fuck... he threw me out... all of my assumptions should be fact... and i left...
i advocate not to buy children's love... after realizing the trick, that love grew into hate... it is false love... now that he hugged me back and told me he loves me, all of that hate was gone... i don't know where it is... gone... now when he comes i get sad... seeing him old and brittle depresses me... was i wrong to not seeing him for all this time...? when he would come to visit and leave, would he get sad for not seeing me...? all this time did he hurt because i wasn't there to give him a hug and a kiss...? fuck... i am a terrible person for that... worst thing anyone could do... but i didn't know right...? sigh... i hope i didn't...
i have to get my passport and driver's license soon... he wants me to go drive and pick him up for his appointments... i have to do it... even though i have no drive or ambition for any of that... it has to be done... i owe him big time... but i still wish he could've been more involved in my life... but now as i'm getting older, i see why he couldn't... he was 43 when i was born... he couldn't take me to the park and play football like gabriel's dad... or teach me how to ride a bike... or drive across the county so i could play a hockey game... he was either too tired or at work... fuck... he just couldn't do any of that stuff... so he did the only thing he possibly could to make me smile...
fuck... today is a horrible day to write this post... the weather is all fucked up, and it's bumming me out... for some reason i'm very depressed... i have been for a wile now... maybe since i saw my dad... this weekend i scored a rare coral that i have never seen before... and i'm not as happy as when i got my bubblegum monster chalice or red planet acro... i should be but i'm not... my sister coyo is right here next to me watching tv with the kids... i should be enjoying these moments... but i'm not... jose wanted me to go check out some fish at a homies house and i didn't feel like it... bruce invited me to go have dinner with him and googles... yet here i am typing this shit up... i would've gone in a heart beat... googles is super cute and will be my man one day... hahaha...
the laughter is abbreviated to an unused acronym... lost in the clouds and pushed away by the 15mph winds outside... well i'm done... i'll make another one tomorrow or so... lates...
Sunday, April 04, 2010
epic reef forum drama...
so yeah... like always... i was involved in some awesome drama on this forum called socalireefs... it's a pretty cool reef forums with nothing but locals... great shit... srsly... the sucky part is that jose got banned... well for being an idiot... but still... everyone else else got a warning but him... that's not fair... kim got 4 fucken warnings for the same shit... and he still hasn't gotten banned... fuck... that's an insult... just because kim has more post, or more people know him... but fuck... jose is a dedicated reefer... he has now passed me on reef keeping and his tank... he has way better equipment and corals... and that's great... i have even thought about giving up the hobby a couple of times... but now that he's that far in there's no looking back... even after his 180 exploded... hahahah...
anyways... i think javier, nick and casas talked it over on the moderator chatroom and i don't know what they're going to do, but i think they are going to lift the ban from jose... should be cool... jose put up a front, but i know he got bummed out... he wanted me to PM them and ask then why he got banned with no warning, but when i said no, he got all feelings... LOLOLOL... fag... but he's been going thru some shit i guess.. well we all have... it's been a depressing new year so far... even though i have been blessed with new toys and friends... sometimes i still feel depressed and blue...
bah... enough about that sappy bitch bullshit... today was tight... we made cesar go buy a road bike... LOL... fuck... yesterday he came over, i showed him my scraped knee and my bike then today came over to pick us up so he can go buy a road bike too... hahahha... so awesome... there goes my god complex again... somehow i make people buy shit when they don't want to or need to... fuck... i'm a fucken mental virus...
so we head out to performance bicycles in glendale... where jose and i got our bikes... and everyone knows us already... the girl that helped us is named samantha... she didn't help me with my bike... but she helped with jose's... we knicknamed her samantha swallows... lol... she's super short and white... not my type... but you know... tee hee... anyways... cesar ended up buying a fuji like mine... it's exactly like mine sans the carbon fiber frame... and he has a kick ass hallow core crank... fuck... i want that... lol... shave half a pound with that bad boy... hahahaha...
his bike came out to be... um... 650 or something... plus 10% off and yadda yadda yadda... after taxes, bike rack, bottle cages, bottles, club membership, service plan he ended up dumping a grand that minute... HAHAHHAHAHAHA... fuck... i know the feeling... i went in to buy a bike and a light and walked out of that shop with a light in hand, receipt and 1,500 dollars poorer... fuck... that shit hurt... well... let me see my receipt... i think i'm lieing... yep... fiften hundred... fuck... that's serious cash... especially for someone that isn't working at all... shit...
as i was looking for the receipt i was reminded that i can't find my refractometer... shit... i think someone stole it... fuck... when i find out who it was i'm going to fuck them up... that's not cool... how dare someone come into my house and steal from me... who the fuck does that... that shit wasn't cheap... now it's going to be a wile until i get another one... since i'm so poor right now... i think i know who it was... i must investigate further... but i recently friended this one guy that sells fish from his house... he's some mexican chap that only speaks spanish... lol... he's cool... but i just found out he's a hardcore thief... fuck... now i don't trust him...
why don't i trust him...?? lol... i hate thieves... my shit always gets stolen... fuck... always... i have to lock up my shit because our house always has company over... always... and the people that come here aren't your friendly people... especially with this retard roger living here... all of his friends are either pot heads or tweekers... he's a hardcore alcoholic himself... i fucken hate him... right now he's the only person that i truely wish he would die... fuck... life would be alot better without him... everyone's life... even his parents... hahahaha... it's true... he's just a huge waste of time, space, energy and food... one of these days i'm going to break his face in... he gets all drunk and brave... i just don't want to kick his ass wile he's drunk... i want to get him slipping when he's sober... but my patience is running thin...
fuck... i don't want to stop typing... i'm so bored... sigh... but i also got bored of blogging... i don't want to keep typing because i might get all emo and start typing about my feelings... boo hoo... maybe tomorrow... yeah... mañana for sure...
lates...
anyways... i think javier, nick and casas talked it over on the moderator chatroom and i don't know what they're going to do, but i think they are going to lift the ban from jose... should be cool... jose put up a front, but i know he got bummed out... he wanted me to PM them and ask then why he got banned with no warning, but when i said no, he got all feelings... LOLOLOL... fag... but he's been going thru some shit i guess.. well we all have... it's been a depressing new year so far... even though i have been blessed with new toys and friends... sometimes i still feel depressed and blue...
bah... enough about that sappy bitch bullshit... today was tight... we made cesar go buy a road bike... LOL... fuck... yesterday he came over, i showed him my scraped knee and my bike then today came over to pick us up so he can go buy a road bike too... hahahha... so awesome... there goes my god complex again... somehow i make people buy shit when they don't want to or need to... fuck... i'm a fucken mental virus...
so we head out to performance bicycles in glendale... where jose and i got our bikes... and everyone knows us already... the girl that helped us is named samantha... she didn't help me with my bike... but she helped with jose's... we knicknamed her samantha swallows... lol... she's super short and white... not my type... but you know... tee hee... anyways... cesar ended up buying a fuji like mine... it's exactly like mine sans the carbon fiber frame... and he has a kick ass hallow core crank... fuck... i want that... lol... shave half a pound with that bad boy... hahahaha...
his bike came out to be... um... 650 or something... plus 10% off and yadda yadda yadda... after taxes, bike rack, bottle cages, bottles, club membership, service plan he ended up dumping a grand that minute... HAHAHHAHAHAHA... fuck... i know the feeling... i went in to buy a bike and a light and walked out of that shop with a light in hand, receipt and 1,500 dollars poorer... fuck... that shit hurt... well... let me see my receipt... i think i'm lieing... yep... fiften hundred... fuck... that's serious cash... especially for someone that isn't working at all... shit...
as i was looking for the receipt i was reminded that i can't find my refractometer... shit... i think someone stole it... fuck... when i find out who it was i'm going to fuck them up... that's not cool... how dare someone come into my house and steal from me... who the fuck does that... that shit wasn't cheap... now it's going to be a wile until i get another one... since i'm so poor right now... i think i know who it was... i must investigate further... but i recently friended this one guy that sells fish from his house... he's some mexican chap that only speaks spanish... lol... he's cool... but i just found out he's a hardcore thief... fuck... now i don't trust him...
why don't i trust him...?? lol... i hate thieves... my shit always gets stolen... fuck... always... i have to lock up my shit because our house always has company over... always... and the people that come here aren't your friendly people... especially with this retard roger living here... all of his friends are either pot heads or tweekers... he's a hardcore alcoholic himself... i fucken hate him... right now he's the only person that i truely wish he would die... fuck... life would be alot better without him... everyone's life... even his parents... hahahaha... it's true... he's just a huge waste of time, space, energy and food... one of these days i'm going to break his face in... he gets all drunk and brave... i just don't want to kick his ass wile he's drunk... i want to get him slipping when he's sober... but my patience is running thin...
fuck... i don't want to stop typing... i'm so bored... sigh... but i also got bored of blogging... i don't want to keep typing because i might get all emo and start typing about my feelings... boo hoo... maybe tomorrow... yeah... mañana for sure...
lates...
Sunday, March 28, 2010
SCRK meeting... WIN... or TEH FAIL!...
today should be pretty win i hope... i'm trading some polyps for some all right corals... i think i'm pulling a fast one on her though... but i'm giving up two premium polyps for a two head of hammer, and a ugly ass chalice that i'm probably the only one that likes it... i don't know why i like it... eveyone else hates it... it's going to be the second type of robokaki chalice in my collection... that's tight... then later on i might buy a GIGANTIC colony at tom's... i'm talking about some gigantic show quality colony of an ugly ass chalice... hahahsldkjfasdl;fjasdf...
anyways... i'm bored... fuck... i'm waiting 'til it's almost time so i can shower and paint my nails... i also have to try to put on another earing... one that matches... lol... my ear is all fucked up... i stretched too fast too much, and it got all beat up, raw and a little infected... fuck... it hurts like a mother fucker, but it's way better now than how it was last week... it was pounding... but i think i'm going to fuck it up again right now when i put on that wooden earing...
why do i do it... because i got it like that... and like what i said in the last paragraph... i'm fucken bored... shit... why else does anyone else do anything now in days... like a rich white guy jumping out of a fucken airplane... why does he do it..??? because he's fucken nuts!!!...
lol...
anyways... i'm bored... fuck... i'm waiting 'til it's almost time so i can shower and paint my nails... i also have to try to put on another earing... one that matches... lol... my ear is all fucked up... i stretched too fast too much, and it got all beat up, raw and a little infected... fuck... it hurts like a mother fucker, but it's way better now than how it was last week... it was pounding... but i think i'm going to fuck it up again right now when i put on that wooden earing...
why do i do it... because i got it like that... and like what i said in the last paragraph... i'm fucken bored... shit... why else does anyone else do anything now in days... like a rich white guy jumping out of a fucken airplane... why does he do it..??? because he's fucken nuts!!!...
lol...
Saturday, March 27, 2010
look at what's back... or... i have too much time on my hands...
maybe some of both... i dunno... i'm probably tired of writing in my book with a fucken pen and shit... the book is getting super heavy, and i don't like people watching me write... feel like a fucken cave man... lately i've been going on my bike by myself and riding to the park to write... pathetic... i know... lol...
right now is like the perfect time to blog too... i'm on my little couch next to my tank... i'm watching american dad with my nephew noño... i'm making some trades for the next SCRK meeting... someone wants to trade me some corals and junk... that's tight... whateve'skees... see what i get... that also reminds me that i have to make money for this weekend... i have to pay for my membership, and to participate in the raffle... fuck... they're raffling off some bomb ass shit... well except for the fish... i'm not into that kind of deal... that, and alot of my fishes have been dieing...
on a darker note... lol... i just looked at the pictures of the dog with the puppies... that's bubbles... she died two years ago... after she had a litter of puppies after that litter... she got really sick, and i couldn't do much about it... so yeah... she's dead... oh... and butter's also dead... fuck... that one i had to put to sleep... it was kind of sad, but oh well... it happens... to alot of us... well to me... and my friends... and they always tell me to take their dogs to the pound because they're such faggot ass pansies... lol... and they talk shit to me for kissing guys... hahahasl;dkfajs;dlfja... yeah i know...
anyways... that's enough for right now... i think i'm going to start fragging shit from my tank... i don't want the frags to be all fail/aids when i take them to the swap... lates...
right now is like the perfect time to blog too... i'm on my little couch next to my tank... i'm watching american dad with my nephew noño... i'm making some trades for the next SCRK meeting... someone wants to trade me some corals and junk... that's tight... whateve'skees... see what i get... that also reminds me that i have to make money for this weekend... i have to pay for my membership, and to participate in the raffle... fuck... they're raffling off some bomb ass shit... well except for the fish... i'm not into that kind of deal... that, and alot of my fishes have been dieing...
on a darker note... lol... i just looked at the pictures of the dog with the puppies... that's bubbles... she died two years ago... after she had a litter of puppies after that litter... she got really sick, and i couldn't do much about it... so yeah... she's dead... oh... and butter's also dead... fuck... that one i had to put to sleep... it was kind of sad, but oh well... it happens... to alot of us... well to me... and my friends... and they always tell me to take their dogs to the pound because they're such faggot ass pansies... lol... and they talk shit to me for kissing guys... hahahasl;dkfajs;dlfja... yeah i know...
anyways... that's enough for right now... i think i'm going to start fragging shit from my tank... i don't want the frags to be all fail/aids when i take them to the swap... lates...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
